Sunday, 29 June 2008

No Strings Attached

Well, that was the weekend that was. The final innings of my last hurrah. And I have to say it was rather good as these things go. I wouldn’t normally go into detail about such matters but I think with this one it might help me get my head round it all. Be warned, it’s a bit more forthright than usual.

Well, first things first. New-V and I meet in Brixton before heading to this party.

The party was held at an empty flat, which was kind of disconcerting, and we were amongst the first to arrive. In the end about 15 guys turned up, and there was porn and poppers and even, to my surprise, Viagra. Things were slow to get started I must say but then, seemingly spontaneously, people began pairing up and the party really got going. Of course, new-V was off enjoying himself, which put me off a bit – though there was no real reason why he shouldn’t have taken full advantage, so I did too – but he and I managed to find each other a bit later on and reacquaint ourselves…

In all honesty I didn’t find it very inspiring, though I must admit the talent on offer was of a pleasingly reasonable standard (I was a bit apprehensive). Yet, to my admittedly untrained eyes it seemed most of the guys there were trying to fulfil some kind of ideal of the gay man in his gorgeous rippling-ness. Same clothes, shoes, glasses AND, most off puttingly, not a body hair between then. The whole party was like a porno version of Village of the Damned. Honestly, one of the high points of my evening was finding a hair that actually had a man attached to it. As my Big Book of Boy Trouble explains, secondary sexual characteristics are there for a reason.

We ended up staying late enough that new-V took me back to his place to spend the night which was OK by me. Turns out he drives like a bastard and likes hip-hop. BUT that was not the issue at hand. The issue at hand is that I then would need to meet the boyfriend. Indeed, there’s a is a one bedroom apartment. So, yes, a little bit anxious – though that anxiety tempered by the fact we were trying to give Einstein a run for his money in new-V’s car. And by the fact that I was really quite tired.

New-V’s boyfriend, it turns out, had been out on the lash with his mates and was three sheets to the wind by the time we got back. So, into an alcoholic stupor we all fell in the early hours and the three of us slumbered until the late morning on Sunday. I really must have been tired – I normally find it impossible to sleep easily somewhere new, and rely on (a) this not being the item on the agendum and (b) 24 hour public transport.

In the morning it turned out we got on rather well, and I got to know them both as people. I know that sounds strange, but new-V really was just a fuck-buddy and (judge away, then, gentle reader) I never actually knew his name until this afternoon.


Anyway, they were really nice people both.

But, come on, you’ve read enough here to realise that is hardly the end of it! New-V, the boyfriend and I did end up drifting back into that one and only bedroom and, well, what can I say? I really had a great time. Sneakily I wonder if this wasn’t new-V’s agendum all the time, because they were both so attentive. Seriously, I’m not the world’s greatest threesome expert but this was damned fine. Admittedly, they tried something that perhaps might have been the subject of discussion/negotiation in advance but apart from mild surprise no real-harm done (though this is the first time I have really ended up walking funny after an afternoon’s entertainment).

I wonder if new-V meant to give me a good send off? He was certainly much, much more ‘affectionate’ than usual; and that, with the social interaction for the first time meant a whole new dimension opened up for me and I ended up really, really liking new-V as a person – perhaps we can be friends after all, like the others have become?

You see, the thing this weekend has made me realise is I’m beginning to get past the casual sex thing, and I’m moving into fully understanding the need for the deeper intimacy than the physical. And that is now all on me and Mark… I have a real desire to get into a loving relationship, but so little experience! I think this video, sent me by a friend, sums it up…

Thursday, 26 June 2008


Timing is a wonderful thing. For example last night I went out with Mark; we had dinner and then we saw Indiana Jones and the Temple of Crystal Skull. Kids will enjoy the action scenes I think. But it wasn’t inspiring. The best thing about going to see the film was the reclining seats in the cinema ;-)

He’s going away this weekend, for which, as you know gentle reader, I myself have arranged some entertainment. Fortunately. and co-incidentally, after that both Mark and I are pretty much free on the same days from now to the end of August so that’s good – though I have old friends staying at the end of July and am travelling a bit for work in the meantime. So it looks like we’ll be able to spend more time together – which is good because public displays of affection aren’t Mark’s strong suit! I just want to jump him!!

One thing we’ll probably end up doing together is his garden. He has big plans for it, which I intend to set about changing to something… nicer (all stainless steel? I think not). But once done we’ve tentatively discussed having a joint party there to debut it.

In the meantime two things about Mark: (1) He can’t keep his eyes off other guys. Hmmm. That might begin to get tiresome…. (2) During the scary bit of films he puts his fingers in his ears. That’s so adorable I just want to jump him!!

Unfortunately because Mark is away again *sigh* I won’t see him again till Wednesday. For then he has insisted we have an early dinner at a place near where he lives. Which, with it being our one month anniversary, might be just the thing. I just want to jump him!!

And now for something completely different!

One of my favourite shows is the Geoff Show on Virgin Radio. As it’s on late I listen to the podcast the next evening. And as an incentive to us podcast listeners you can write in and get a ‘podication’ read out. Now, when Darren dumped me I sent myself a podication to cheer myself up and then forgot about it. So what happens? They read it out today! I couldn’t believe it. Check it out for yourselves (podications are at the beginning)! Slightly less good timing though; I was mortified!

PS it's about 35 megabytes so careful downloading the show!

Death Kitty and the Fat Man

Tuesday, 24 June 2008

Advance Australia Fair

A while ago I mentioned that I worked with people from Queensland helping the development of a service there similar to what I provide here. When I got into work today I found they’d contacted me again to ask for more help. So I thought, since I’m in the mood to change jobs, and they are looking for an Australian me, why not offer my services…

Who knows? Hah, the odds are against it to be honest but a change might be just the thing.

Well, except for the Invisible Boyfriend. Yes, Mark is back in town. Hooray!

We’re (or perhaps we were) supposed to see each other tomorrow, and our messages back and forth continued without resolve until indecisiveness developed a bijou row-ette about precisely where and when. Now he’s not returning calls or texts, and I suspect I’m getting the silent treatment. Maybe this is the end? I always worry about this with every little thing. For all I know he’s not checked his voicemail.

Unfortunately new-V is also making a bit of a nuisance of himself, and keeps texting to come over. No! Wait your turn!! Well, nice to be popular. But gosh, I do like to make things difficult for myself. Still, no angst, blouses firmly anchored – tonight I’m writing this, filling in application forms, and enjoying a glass of Californian Colombard. Off to the land of nod soon enough… and as if en cue, Tainted Love comes on the radio!

A friend and neighbour of mine I met recently (see Fallen angel below) has started a group on YouTube to boycott Heinz products (called We will be boycotting Heinz products) as they pulled an advert that had a ‘gay’ kiss in it (I think that’s a generous interpretation of a humorous situation – check it out below).
I joined though, because that reaction to this ad' is annoying.

Sunday, 22 June 2008

Going out with a bang!

Normal service has been resumed gentle reader, and chirpy sarf Lahndahn fella Mike is back on top form. And this morning I was in the mood for something that the Invisible Boyfriend was not around to provide.

So Mike hatched a plan. A plan so cunning it would outfox Mr Foxington-Fox-Smythe himself. Well, perhaps :o).

I decided to have a last hurrah with my regulars and invited them to come over today for, well old times’ sake I suppose. As it turns out two could only come over in the morning (new-V couldn’t make it at all) but also they both wanted to come over at the same time. So, I tactfully explained that they might run into each other but both were surprisingly fine with it, and they got on rather well in the event – a good time was had by all. Perhaps they’ll hook up from now on without me?!

The object of all this of course is to draw a line under what now can loosely be termed the past, and focus on building a steadier relationship with Mark, which for the moment might be termed the future. I’ve um-ed and ah-ed over ‘monogamy’ with him now for quite long enough; it’s time to take the plunge, put my money where my mouth is, and get on with it.

After bidding a fond farewell to both, I had lunch with a neighbour and we put away a fair bit of wine giggling over my erstwhile profiles online on various lurve-sites; but whilst doing that I got a charming invitation from a local guy via gaydar and after exchanging a couple of messages I bid farewell to my neighbour and headed the couple of miles up the road to see him. As casual hook-ups go this one really, really was an excellent finale; and he was such a nice guy I suggested afterward that we might want to go out sometime for drinks – platonic from this point on, though. I’m not sure he’ll go for it – casual hook-ups are what they are after all; and arguably it would mean taking things in the wrong order. But all the gay friends I’ve made to date have come from, well, dates of one sort or another, so one can never be sure. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that going out on a limb is never wrong!

Anyway, is that the end of that? Not quite, I’m afraid. New-V, being an understanding chap, as well as the prince of all naughtiness, has suggested that he and I have our own last hurrah of sorts at a particular sort of party he’s going to next Saturday. And that involves the last big thing I particularly wanted to try on this particular journey; so I said yes. That, I think, will be the final fling.

This week’s postsecret has a postcard on it discussing the awkwardness of falling in love. I recognise the sentiment; but I really have to try and get it right with Mark now. Perhaps I'm going out on the ultimate limb? Well, no turning back.

Tune in next week kids, for another exciting installment of... but in the meantime some pix of my walk yesterday.

Saturday, 21 June 2008


I must be looking good right now; I got wolf-whistled in the street today and my profile on one of has been nominated for ‘sex factor’ on gaydar. Oo-er. And to top it all I managed to take a good new picture for my various profiles after trying for ages!! That makes up for my verdammten washing powder leaching the colour out of my work shirts; though that at least is a good excuse for some retail therapy.

Yesterday I went to the pub with colleagues, get the latest gossip and generally catch up – these days I rarely get the opportunity to see work-friends in a group. A bit of a boozy session during which, in a bid to keep up with management buzzwords, we rechristened our team the Productivity Shitter.

Then, on my way home, Mark called – he was just getting his train to Calais. He called because he suddenly realised he hadn’t replied to my email, and he asked me what he should get me from France to make it up to me. A brief call, but a reassuring one. And he seemed genuinely pleased when I said I had no plans to hook up with anyone while he was away. So, although I’m still quite lonely this weekend, I’m in a much better mood than I thought I would be.

Being utterly lost in affairs of the heart, and generally ruled by my head in any event, I created a ‘behaviour grid’ where I looked at how I behave/what I am like with and without Mark, when I am either happy or said.

I think we can all agree that happy is better than sad, but the grid doesn’t really point to being with him as better than being single. I hope planning things out in this way doesn’t make me seem cold or too analytical. The clincher for me is that being without him does make me unhappy, so it’s moot to have a happy/alone box in the first place. Yes being with him is what makes me happy. I’ve realised you see - yes indeed gentle reader - it seems I’ve become infatuated after all. And with that, there really is no more need for discussion, angst or anything else.

Today I walked all the way to the O2 dome, did a bit of shopping, and came back. Because I’ve met quite a few guys from the local area it was a bit like a trip down memory lane – past that guy’s flat, this guy’s car, the pub where I met the other… a journey of sentimental value. Anyway, once there I found myself in a garden centre looking at plants – because Mark wants to do his garden! I saw lots of gay couples in the supermarket which made me feel a bit sad, because my fella wasn’t there. And I began to plan things Mark and I could do together – the ecological gardens at the millennium village; the beach at the yacht club; the play I’ve been meaning to see for ages…

PS I've updated the email address that links from this blog; the new address doesn't support attachments yet - sorry guys ;-)

Thursday, 19 June 2008

Enough already!

Last night, because Mark and I were not going to meet up after all, I composed a long email to him telling him about my day and what was happening work-wise etc. More conversational than romantic, but I thought it would be a nice thing to do.

More than 20 hours later and with no reply, I’m back on the old angst roller coaster. Oh Joy.

To be honest this can’t continue, it really can’t: up/down; secure/insecure. Every time I send a message or a text I wait on tenterhooks for the response… I’m sure it isn’t healthy, and I need to get over it. Histrionic personality disorder; attractive!! Well, as a trained scientist/investigator/analyst I should be able to look at things rationally, so I’ve boiled down some ‘resources’ I’ve found to:

1. I need work out my long-term goals and balance them with jumping at opportunities as soon as they are presented.

2. I should try to be consistent in my self-image and the image I present to others as potential boyfriend material.

3. Though every situation is still new right now, I will admit my attitudes have consistently shifted as time has gone on and I need to try and be comfortable with what I want when I’m getting out there.

4. I should work harder to apply a positive ‘this can work’ attitude to things.

5. I love being a man; love being with men ‘intimately’. I don’t think anyone considers me effeminate or camp (and actually those things put me off if they’re strong traits in others).

6. I think emotional immaturity, shyness and inexperience are a killer combination. But I have good friends, reasonable life-experiences, solid core values and beliefs – so things can only get better with effort.

Something has to give because it’s getting me more than a bit down. So as this weekend is free I will spend some quiet me time and use the above to Think About Stuff. I’m sure you can’t wait to read about it!

In the meantime, tonight I’m having dinner with old friends (10 years plus) with whom I used to work while I was at university. I haven’t seen them since I came out and one of them in particular used to be one of my bestest best friends – we spent Christmases together, travelled round Europe together etc… but we kind of drifted apart over the last few years and haven’t seen each other for a long time; so it should be a good night – hopefully draw me out of myself. Perhaps they can contrast the pre and post gay me?

And on Friday I’m meeting up with the people I went to see Sex and The City; we’re going for Sushi in Soho, which promises to be great fun.

Who needs men, eh?

(…I do)

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

Fallen Angel

For a while there today the angst-counter was well into the red, and the blouse reader was off the scale. The engines cannae take it Cap’n!!

“Hi I will call you later x”

That’s the reply to my (much longer) message this morning wishing Mark well and trying to confirm Wednesday.

Uh-oh. ‘x’ notwithstanding, that’s not going to help is it?

Well, before we go further, a terrible confession.

I saw new-V last night for some double-plus naughtiness. I know, I know, I know; what’s wrong with me? I do really like Mark, and I’ve set out before that monogamy is fine – having my cake and eating it is not [he alleged] what this is about. But…

I’m new at this. I know it’s the same old excuse, but there we are. I really need some affirmation from Mark. I think the moment he clearly expresses some kind of link to me – calls me his boyfriend, tells me how much he likes me etc – then the situation will be much improved. But I can’t ask for that, because it would be false and I know he doesn’t want the ‘pressure’. So, until I have something more concrete it’s difficult for me to refuse to see others, even if it’s just sex.

Anyway, today Mark calls me as promised to explain that he can’t see me on Wednesday because he has to see a client – that is he forgot we had plans when he agreed to do that. He was very apologetic and promised to make it up to me, though I was naturally very disappointed.

But the most useful thing about the conversation, for all that it will be about 10 days between seeing each other, is that it convinced me he does like me and isn’t about to dump me – he would have done it by now, surely? – and so ironically I do feel a lot better about things and am happier that we have a stable foundation for… the future!

Phew! Talk about taking the long way round!!

Tonight I went out for a not-date with a neighbour of mine (it turns out virtually everyone where I live is gay, and I had no idea!) for dinner and drinks at the by-now-familiar O2. We met on Gaydar when he messaged me to say he saw my profile and recognised me from the Facebook group of our local community; then he found me on OUT too – so, smallest of all possible worlds, we decided to meet up for drinks. I had a good night - we talked and talked, and we may meet again, but I think this is probably more platonic – so with this one nothing happened!!

Sunday, 15 June 2008


Today Mark and I were supposed to have lunch; and yes, I did hope the afternoon might see the gourmand become the voluptuary. But when we spoke this morning the cold he was coming down with on Friday had really taken hold and he was feeling rotten. Hence we had to abandon have the fantastic lunch I had intended for us today.

The planned menu:

1) Antipasto, followed by minestrone

(complimented with a nice new world Chardonnay)

2) Salad

3) Pork and Chicken in a white wine and cream source

(served with a lovely organic Chenin Blanc.)

4) Me.

Unfortunately that couldn't happen. A pox on the flu!

I'm really disappointed because it's the last time we can spend any weekend time together for a while now - though we will see each other on Wednesday, so that's something. Mark did rather pointedly suggest that I would know how to amuse myself in the meantime. Uh-oh. Truth is, I have decided not to see anyone else for the time being until I'm sure what this is becoming/where it's going. For some reason a bit nervous about that but...

So actually this afternoon I find myself rather bored, and annoyed at the confines I've placed on myself! Well, rough with the smooth. He'll have to make it up to me somehow ;-)

No option then: it's domestic goddess time - things must be desperate. Work on the balcony; try and get my antique clock working again; and general tidying. I also went out and treated myself to a new computer monitor on the spur of the moment - possibly not the best time for fripperies as I'm still trying to rebuild my finances, but what the hey?

Finally I decided to try and update my pics on my various profiles, but as usual the camera and I were not on the best of terms! Instead, pics of domesticity to entertain till I have something more interesting to blog (the pictures above the dining table were made by a good friend of mind and given to me years ago; they're my favourites).

Saturday, 14 June 2008

He'll always have Paris

Last night Mark and I went to see The Happening… well, it was OK. I don’t really recommend it over, say, seeing something else. I think Mark liked it more than me though which is good, because I chose the film!

Afterward there were drinks, but not dinner as planned; and that was good for a number of reasons. Firstly, obviously, I was with him. Hurrah!

Secondly, we talked for the first time about the future. Not The Future as in mortgage; marriage; children; death, but as in the events over the next few weeks.

It turns out, to my intense disappointment, that Mark is in France not only next weekend, but the weekend after. I dropped some pretty heavy hints (“I’ve never been to France. I’d love to go. Perhaps we should go one day? Paris should be lovely at this time of year.”) but no, they didn’t seem to register! I also suggested that he and I should go to Germany in the late summer which he seemed open to, though he’s going to Greece in September.

This is what I get for meeting a guy who Travels!

Still, at least it shows he’s not having serious doubts right now, if we can talk about July, August, September…

But the third, and perhaps most interesting thing, is a realisation that Mark expects me to, for want of a better phrase, take charge. In fact he was quite up-front about it last night; he has a high-powered job where he has to make tough decisions 12 hours a day and as part of his work/life balance he doesn’t really want to make decisions outside that. And, to be a bit icky, that applies in the bedroom too.

Hmmm. Is angst ridden blouse “still-quite-new-at-this” Mike up to the challenge?

Nevertheless, our hectic schedules mean that we have to snatch our moments when we can; and to that end I’m cooking him a very nice Sunday lunch, and hopefully afterward he will stay for a film, and a bit of coffee and home-made cake (yes, I bake things too) and etc, etc.

Friday, 13 June 2008


I need relationship advice, plain and simple. Governed more by head than heart, and having very limited experience of this kind of thing, I’m completely lost at sea.

Friends and family offer the familiar ‘just be yourself’ line; well, OK. How? Well, OK… stupid question - but I can't just go by instinct. It really would be nice if there was more concrete advice out there. I found one decent site last night (now linked on the right) – well, at about 4:00 this morning because I had a pretty sleepless night – which advises enormous blouses like me to think about dating goals, and what the other wants from a partner. That’s all good, but I need data to analyse, pick people’s brains over…

Wednesday’s post probably wasn’t very clear. I do think Mark and I have a future, but I don’t want to repeat my usual trick of becoming totally infatuated and then very quickly realising I’ve made a mistake, or accidentally ruining everything by coming on too strong.

Catch 22 – trying too hard to avoid the appearance of trying too hard.

You see, by not letting myself become infatuated, and thus deluding myself into thinking everything’s perfect, I’ve not given myself the usual angst-avoidance tools. So now I have to confront my lack of relationship experience. If only I had the vocabulary to express my feelings to him simply, and the insight to recognise what he might need from me. If only I had enough experience to be confident that he does like me, and be relaxed in that knowledge.

It all comes down to why I came out in the first place; not sex, but love. I must confess in my mind I've caught myself referring to Mark as 'Darren'; good sign or not??

Well, cinema tonight, then dinner (my treat), and then… Further updates as events warrant. Writing this has helped - reading it back to myself my heads says chillax ;-)

Between now and then: a long bath, glass of wine and, for a change, the boat to town tonight, as a treat.

Wednesday, 11 June 2008


I worked extra hard yesterday and managed to pull of a little coup that will make my life a lot easier in the future, so when one of my ‘regulars’ invited himself round for a bit of fun that evening I thought there was no better way to celebrate.

This is the second time I’ve been with someone since I met Mark (he knows) and I suppose I should think about what's going to happen next with that.

Now, I’m equally happy to be in an open relationship or with monogamy – I just expect honesty and genuine commitment (whatever that is). So ironically, if my fella strayed while we were in a monogamous relationship it would probably mean the end; but if we were ‘open’ I think I’d quite enjoy hearing/sharing (maybe reliving) the juicy details!

However, it turns out Mark does want a monogamous relationship, so at some point, possibly – hopefully? – quite soon, I guess I’ll need to pack up my profiles and put my bed-hopping days to rest.

But, then what to do about the guys I’ve been seeing on and off for ’fun’: ‘T’, ‘W’ and, for want of anything better, the one I'll call New ‘V’? All already have boyfriends of their own, so I guess they can’t complain if I get one for a change!

‘T’ is great and really treats my like a prince but only sees me when his actual boyfriend is away; I’ll miss him when we part. ‘W’ is in a sexless relationship and we meet up very occasionally – it sounds terrible, put like that, but we are friends too, and are often in contact without the other thing, so I guess he and I can be just friends.

New ‘V’ doesn’t treat me like a prince at all and he is very very naughty indeed. I practice on him and he gets to practise things most definitely not on his boyfriend’s approved-list (Yes, there we have it, gentle reader, I’m a total slut), so I suppose he’ll happily move on to the next guy when I stop seeing him.

Well, if Mark wants monogamy I surely can’t demand honesty and commitment, and keep seeing these guys. But until I’m sure this is going somewhere I’m not quite ready to take the plunge. Yet, on the other hand I don’t want to have a Big Talk and demand too much of Mark too soon; instead I’d prefer to wait and see, ideally without being too pathetic and needy. Mark’s had one boyfriend or another since he was 17, and I obviously haven’t, so I feel I’m playing catch-up to a certain extent. When is the right time to become exclusive? Do I secretly want to have my cake and eat it? Cognitive dissonance, anyone?

This is the film we're going to see on Friday...

Monday, 9 June 2008

Review of the Year

But where then have we found ourselves, gentle reader, as we approach the middle of the month of June?

Well, first let’s review the stats - I like my numbers; here’s an example of the kind of equation I, hogzilla geekboy, come up with for work - (it might not inpress you but the government of Queensland will be eternally grateful. Or not!):

It turns out there were 36 men in my alphabet (including Darren) - ‘S’ covers three, and I accidentally used ‘A’ and ‘O’ twice. Finally, the letter ‘Y’ was never allocated – the only one left – so it’s covered anyone who came along recently, including Mark.

Of those 36, there are a couple of ongoing ‘prospects’; four have fallen under the general heading of boyfriend; five have been or are my phalanx of occasional ‘lovers’; one stalker (Harry’s still making his presence felt) and about a third of the rest have been… well, one off fun. More than I thought, actually.


Ranging from early 20s to late 50s the guys I’ve met have all be fun in their own respective ways. Good memories, and some good stories! And, I’ve been amazed by how much support and friendliness there was when I came out and how well received I was in-and-of myself... very affirming.

The last twelve months have seen a series of changes all for the good, I think, starting with giving up smoking, then taking care of my body; coming out; sorting out my work and pushing forward with self-employment. I’m closer to friends and family than ever before, I’m delighted to be in my 30s, I love being me. And I am genuinely, genuinely happy with my life.

By the same token I’ve learned a lot about myself and other things, and had some of the most wonderful experiences of my life. But, most importantly, I’ve made some good friends and experienced proper romance for the very first time. There has been so much I can look back on and laugh about, cry about, daydream and reminisce about… And I am at the very beginning of a relationship that might become Something.

So then, maybe my prince, only the very occasional frog, and a pretty fun time on the yellow brick road; “non pleure milord”.
Coming out is never wrong.

Come hither

Saturday’s date went well enough; as I wrote before this psychometrics business works really well. Over my octopus (very nice by the way) in Soho we put the world to rights once again, and afterward we went for a drink to talk some more… and something occurred to me.

I’m still so new at this I rely on the other guy to make his move. I was really quite keen for muches smooches with this one but because he didn’t initiate it didn’t happen. God knows I gave enough ‘come hither’ signals but, ho hum, nothing doing.

When we parted, a lot later than I intended, we did kiss, but lips not tongues. Ho hum indeed. And I waited so long for even that I missed my last train! Anyway, I sent a text saying what a great time I had and that next time we’d have to kiss properly; no reply yet – we’ll see.

But that leads us nicely onto today, and today of course was the third date with Mark. Well, that’s what was planned anyway.

This morning I sent him a text message explaining that I like the cut of his jib and speculating about today’s activities. He’d been out of London visiting friends and was on his way back to meet me, but sure enough he replied positively... Sadly, he left a little late and got stuck in traffic on the way so by the time he got back to London we were confronted with either having a very rushed time together somewhere in town, or postponing. So, over the phone, we agreed to postpone. After all I’ve fallen so far behind with work it would be a good time to catch up and… yeah, and…

And then it hit me: what the hell are you doing? You like this one, so why play the coy minx and act the courgette?!

So I called him back, suggesting we should have a nightcap at his place and, what with him being nearby and all, I was there in a flash with a selection of nice new world wines and my finest bedroom eyes.

I knew I couldn’t stay long, but I’m still really glad I went. Yes a lot of fun was had but there’s more to it.

We’ve now been to each other’s place, which feels symbolically important (mainly because Darren usually used mine; What’shisname and Harry used mine; and with my other erstwhile ‘regulars’ it’s always one place or the other, never both).

Most importantly though a chance to say how much I liked him and how much I want to keep seeing him. I wanted to let him know because he makes me feel like I should make an effort to be nicer, take care of myself, clean the flat more, and just generally prove myself worthy; with others it's been more "do you slot into my life, or not?" whereas now it's more "my life has to change for this to work". I have genuinely prayed please don’t let me fuck this one up please don’t.

Of course one of the things I need to bear in mind is I’m, right now, more into him than he's into me - to be sure, gentle reader, I know he does like me - and I need to be a bit canny here. But, OK, with time and effort it will become… Something.

And the next step to Something is the cinema on Friday. Five whole days… dangnamit.

Saturday, 7 June 2008

Can I keep him?

To help bring the naming thing under control I have decided to tell you that Mr Tuesday’s name is Mark. I’ve revealed it now, thus risking the Curse of the Wereblog upon us both, because I really like him. And the topic of today’s post is how much I hope he likes me.

Mark and I met on Friday for drinks at the Tate Modern (he is a member and they have a members’ room, which was really nice – both the décor and the views) and then we went for dinner around London Bridge where, in what I think is a good sign, they only charged us for two glasses of champagne rather than bottles. And, eventually, as dinner and drinks progressed we reached a tentative understanding that it was time to be a bit more intimate - and so we jumped on a train and headed back to my place.

Though it was not my intention, yes, OK, things ended up getting very intimate indeed… but that’s not the point. The point is Mark seems perfect in every way. His body puts me to shame and he’s a cultured, intelligent, passionate guy. It felt so comfortable lying in his arms in bed last night I wish we were still there right now.

In the cold light of day, of course, I realise the flat’s a total state, I look a shocking mess, and after all that champagne I probably made an idiot of myself. The long-and-short of it is he could do a lot better.

So though we are due to see each other for a third time on Sunday, I’m genuinely worried that it will be a kind of “well, nice knowing you” kind of meeting rather than a ‘third date’ leading to a ‘fourth date’ leading to…

We’ve exchanged some texts to day and I’ve asked him to call me later. Mark wants to go to the cinema, I think, but if I tidied the place up and made a fantastic meal, possibly to be eaten by candle-light, then I can keep things on track. But if he doesn’t want to see me again after tomorrow, then for the first time in a while I’ll be quite put out.

I’m trying to avoid becoming infatuated like I often do; I’m hopeful and a bit anxious. But I don't normally worry (to my own detriment I'm sure) about the effect last night will have on tomorrow. So if he calls me later I think I will try to explain how I feel. Yes/No???

Well, fingers crossed!

Friday, 6 June 2008

Man Friday

Thursday night was when I met the guy I discussed on 28 May, who’s main interesting feature from the point of view of this blog is that his is in his 50s.

After the great date I had on Tuesday – which was followed up by some lovely emails where he confessed the idea of fuzunjulation had seriously crossed his mind and I replied in the positive in that regard too – I was a bit reticent about meeting Mr Thursday. But, with the help of a friend I picked the absolute perfect venue
and he was there when I arrived, sitting at the bar and sipping champagne. Nice. He actually looked good; clearly takes care of himself and is very elegant. If I’m like that in 25 years (count ‘em) I will be very pleased.

Anyway we got talking and a couple of bottles of wine later he took me to a more scene venue he knew, and things began to get a bit more passionate. In fact in the cold light of day I’m a little shocked at my antics (methinks he doth protest too, much gentle reader). Anyway, by the time I’d come up for air I’d long since missed my last train so – what a pity! I’d have to go back to Mr Thursday’s place to spend the night. And so, after giving the taxi driver quite a show we arrived back at Mr Thursday’s flat.

Unfortunately, at that exact same moment so did his son.

The son, only slightly younger than me, was not best pleased to have revealed certain elements of his father’s lifestyle so publicly, and a blazing row ensued where, almost like before, I played the interlocutor and tried to patch things up between them. And that wasn't easy!

To be clear, Mr Thursday is divorced, he has two adult children, and the son is living with him while doing some post-graduate degree. They know he’s gay. But he’d never brought someone back to the flat before, so I think the issue was being confronted by it in the raw, as it were.

Certainly the son’s initial reaction was very rude and aggressive - but he did apologise to me later and I think we got on well enough (eventually) under the circumstances.

Mr Thursday and I did eventually make it to bed, and we had a lot of fun. It was slightly odd to have it interspersed with a father-son heart-to-heart but there we are. Of course, in the morning we could concentrate on each other much more…

We went out for breakfast in the morning, partly I suspect to avoid Thursday Jr., and eventually we parted ways on his commute into work with a promise to see each other again – a sincere one on my part.

His chest hair is white. It’s sooooo cute!

But enough of that for now. Because, tonight, I have a second date with Mr Tuesday, the banker. Oh joy! We’re going to the Tate Modern and later – who knows? He seems really keen; we’ve been emailing and texting several times a day and he’s already proposed a third date on Sunday. Nice, but we’ll see, shall we?

As for Saturday; that’s when I’m having a second date (dinner etc) with the guy I met last Sunday.

Wow! Mr Tuesday's the one I'm most excited about though - just don’t make me choose…!!

Tuesday, 3 June 2008


No, not a misprint gentle reader; Twosday. I call it Twosday instead of Tuesday for fun. It is a pun, or play on words, you see – and once I explain it you’ll laugh till you poop I’m sure.

Tonight, after much ado at the bank I finally got my new account number and sort-code; card and cheque book on the way. My life can get going again! Well, I’m still going to be down a few hundred squid; and my credit file has more red flags on it than a soviet flag factory. But it’s OK; I’m liquid again!!

And not a moment too soon.

Tonight I had a date at a lovely bar in Greenwich
called The Union where they sell lovely organic beers. Tonight's fella was the banker I mentioned before ( I really do need a new naming system. Ideas, please!!) – he lives not far from me; only about ten minutes away, and I met him through the Soulmates website. Problem is he was flying into the UK Tuesday afternoon, and his flight got diverted after an unexploded WWII bomb was found near City Airport so he was going to be a bit late. He dashed into town, barely pausing to dump his bags, before coming to meet me. How sweet! It's not often a man makes that kind of effort for me.

So we met, hurrah, and we got talking. He bought me dinner as an apology, too, which was completely unnecessary but a nice gesture. It was, overall, a really nice date, and we talked about nearly everything. He wasn’t too camp, but was also nicely flirty; I think he liked the look of me, which was pleasing – in truth he’s quite the looker himself. Not that that matters at all, of course…

But he’d been travelling all day, and had any early start on Wednesday so about 10 we left and headed to our respective places, which mainly involved travelling together so that was nice.

The absolute nicest thing, however, was that he asked me on a second date straight away! How fantastic. Of course the answer was yes, and we’ll be seeing each other again Friday; but just to be sure I sent a text when I got home to say “thank you for dinner and a lovely date. Hope to see you Friday…” and he replied “Hey, you beat me to saying the same! See you Friday…”

And, to cap it all, the guy I saw on Sunday also wants to see me for a second date too (this will be dinner on Saturday). Of course, he’s asked me where we should go. I hate having to pick the venue! But I guess it’s worth it. I'm thinking Japanese, maybe.

Second dates all of a sudden. Have I suddenly become more attractive? Is the medicine finally working? Or am I becoming better at dating? Actually I think that the rules people set out for dates are, up to a point, tosh. Don't talk about this, don't do that; you either click or you don't I think. One trick is being robust enough to handle that properly.

Of course when you do click... Twosday; get it?

This video is particuarly good by the way

Monday, 2 June 2008

It's a hard life... ;-)

Dinner on Friday with friends, at a nice Portuguese restaurant, and once the beef and beer had been finished it was time to pay.

But my card is declined. Twice. Mike is mortified.

Well, a friend covers some of my bill (many thanks again Mr.) but I was, of course, really worried. It’s a new card, so maybe it’s broken? I've just been paid...

Anyway, I check it out and, well, to cut a long story short, it turns out I’m the victim of identity fraud! I’d been cleared out, gentle reader, and had zero pounds left!! And right before a week of dates!!!

Of course it will be sorted - stoicism is our watchword - but in the meantime (the bank has actually been really good about it) I dashed into town on Saturday and got some emergency funds to tide me over. Phew! Dating still on. I cannot tell you how relieved I was not to have to cancel any of the events lined up for the first week of June.

Sunday, Sunday… and instead of doing any work in the morning (which I really needed to get on with) I lazed around the flat until it was time to get ready, meet my neighbour, catch the ferry, and head up to the O2 dome for Sex and the City.

My neighbour had arranged for a couple of her friends/acquaintances to join us at the dome for the film; a slightly unusual turn of events as we’re all friends of friends - so as well as catching a film, we were all meeting new (or new-ish) people. But, over mai -tais and Thai food before the film we ended up getting on famously and having a bit of a riotous time! And the film was rather good, actually – had me chocked up in a couple of places, laughing out loud a lot.

Of the four of us, one other was a single gay man too. Well, my neighbour did let slip she’d asked him in part because he and I are both single and she was slightly apologetic at trying to, in a small way, fix us up. On the contrary, I insisted, all assistance welcome!

But after the film there was only time for one more cocktail before I had to dash into London for my date! Yes, a last minute thing; one of the people I’d been messaging on Parship bit the bullet and asked me out. And what a thrill it was to be asked; normally I'm the one pursuing.

We met at Royal Festival Hall, and he took me down to a nice parade of arty shops, galleries and restaurants called Gabriel’s Wharf. There we settled down with a few glasses of wine and talked the night away. And, God, we talked! What can I say? Psychometrics work! We’re supposed to be 82% compatible, whatever that means, but I think I could tell the difference – he would say what I was thinking, etc; we’ve definitely got minds that work along the same lines. It's amazing how we liked the same things, got each other's jokes and so on...

After Gabriel’s Wharf we went on to the
Skylon Restaurant in the Royal Festival Hall itself for a bit more wine and eventually, after having put the world to rights, we had to go our separate ways.

So, a good date! I texted him to say I wanted to see him again, and he replied in the positive, so we shall have to see what occurs. But it was really nice to meet him.

In the meantime onto the next guy…