Mr and Mr

Much Joy, Gentle Reader, Much Joy! The Cheerful Fairy is a Married* Man. And, conveniently, so is his Fella!

A surprising amount of things went wrong on the day! The suits were wrong; some guests dropped out literally at the last minute; I managed to briefly lock us out of the venue; the registrar came down with glandular fever; oh my!!

Nevertheless we managed to pull off an amazing day. I spent a significant amount of the ceremony reminding myself of the importance of breathing but I managed to get both of our names right and say my vows and the wording Fella had written for our exchange of rings without stabbing myself in the ear or setting fire to anything - this counts as a win.

Friends of ours made the cake, made the rings, and were the ushers; they all managed to do their jobs perfectly and I could not be happier with how perfect the rings are. The venue was perfect, as was the wedding breakfast, and the reception. I think everyone had a great time which was very important to both of us.

Well, it is done then. My Fella is all mine now, woo hoo! All we need now is a mortgage and a puppy and we'll just about have the full set.

My next post will be the Cheerful Fairy's guide to civil partnerships. In the meantime here's some pics of the venue before the main event!

 

(I'll put all the wedding pics in an album and post a link soon)

Countdown

So, the time is upon us Gentle Reader. In 48 hours your Cheerful Fairy will be a married Fairy! Fella and I will be hitched at 14:30 BST on Wednesday, and as Hogzilla transitions almost seamlessly into Groomzilla there is no more than I can do that is in my hands. All the preparation and planning and here we are.

I tell you what – it’s true what they say; this is one of the most stressful things you can do. I can’t imagine why, when all my future happiness depends on is the smooth running of local government, families playing nice together, and the ability of people to follow basic instructions…

Mind you, given we’ve picked a mid-week wedding day and a venue in the arsehole end of Strumpetville we’re looking at a pretty good turnout (even if about 10% of out invitees have passed away, Agatha Christie eat your heart out).

The Cheerful Fairy’s handy guide to a civil partnership will be gracing this blog very soon. We’ve certainly had ups and downs getting here, but some real highlights have been finding an amazing venue, having great friends helping us out, and the gorgeous gorgeous wedding rings (again made by a friend).

Some of the things I’m pleased about are the theme, the wedding favours, and the creative side that organising this has revealed in me. I can’t go into detail – yet – as some guests are also readers but when it’s all happening I’ll definitely be posting links, photos and details!!

Who’d have thunk it – frumpy old me getting wed to my gorgeous man? But at this stage I’m quite relaxed, very poor and thoroughly grateful.

So, here we are, less than two days to go. Just need to write my vows and speech now. Simples! I’ll let you know how it all goes.

 

 

Four funerals and a wedding

Spring has certainly sprung here in Strumpetville. The sun is shining, the balcony is getting more verdant by the day and your Cheerful Fairy is very much feeling the benefit of the warmer days and lighter evenings.

Fella and I are due to be civil-partnered in a shade under three weeks. It's getting quite exciting/nerve wracking and it would seem weddings have some fractal properties - behind every activity is another, and another ad infinitum. I long, gentle reader, for the days when in exchange for money goods were received and services rendered. And having enough spare cash to engage in retail therapy! But soon, my pretty, soon...

Looking back on the near-four years we have been together it struck me how much of our time has been shaped by death. Perhaps an odd thought when we are preparing for the new beginning that married life represents; and at the height of spring as well.

I first met Fella's family as they returned home from the funeral of his grandfather. He met most of my family at the funeral of my grandfather. Then of course there was the tragic loss of Fella's mother to cancer just over a year ago. Most recently we travelled to Cardiff for the funeral of Fella's uncle.

All of this has taken a heavy toll on Fella and he sometimes finds it difficult to cope with grief. We will no doubt think a little of the people we have lost, the people who won't be there. I myself up to now have never really had to deal with death very much. Great grandparents faded away when I was a child, and I've been lucky there were no deaths, accidents or illness, amongst my peers. That is all. Therefore I don't know how to help Fella when he gets very depressed about his loss.

I think the point I'm trying to make is that when 15 May comes around there will be an touch of bitter-sweet about it. You can never really predict how people will react but more than one person has cautioned me to be on the look out for some bad behaviour. Warnings I haven't appreciated receiving; they to add a touch of nerves.

Really, birth and death will be part of our lives together and I'm sure one thing that can't hurt is focussing on the future and our lives together. Especially since Fella's sister in law is due to give birth to the first niece/nephew a few weeks after we get hitched :-)

Six weeks...

There are but six weeks to go until Fella and I have our civil partnership. The planning and preparation, I must admit, are taking a huge amount of time – most of our spare time now! I do not know how we would have managed to get as far as we have without everyone involved getting on with each other (florists, caterers etc) and having friends who are helping out with big things like the rings, the cake, etc.
 

Still, the logistics are still somewhat daunting. For example, we need to let the registrar know in writing two weeks before the ceremony if we want to dispense with the kiss at the end of the ceremony. And the holistic interconnectedness of all things: the colour of the flowers affects the colour of the suit; the music we choose affects the order of the ceremony. And then there is what we may not do: no religious symbols; we may not bring the cake to the venue until the day of the ceremony;  and so on.

 

One thing all the planning and organisation has revealed is some of the funny attitudes people have about things. I’ve touched on ‘reverse discrimination’ before but the things people expect about our wedding, and things around it, have been quite an eye opener. In some ways it raises the bar for us a little [OOOO, I’ve never been to a gay wedding before!!] but it seems, gentle reader, that some people half expect us to go down the aisle on unicorns and Liza Minnelli is our celebrant. Whilst this may be true, it has been surprising discovering some of the assumptions people carry about.

We have, much to Fella’s annoyance, been various asked about our hen do; bridesmaids; and maid of honour. Now I need hardly point out to you the obvious but it is startling how many people need remind that we are two men, and as such we have entirely dispensed with the bride in our arrangements. Yet the ability of people to add two and two and get wibble seems insurmountable. It has proven a little handy, in that one of our friends has only been allowed the day off work on the grounds that she is a chief bridesmaid. Not wishing to look a gift dissonance in the mouth we’ve made her an usher.

For me, I’m just keen for people to have as much fun as possible without getting consumed into making every last detail perfect (for that way madness lies, wibble). It will be the people that will make it enjoyable. That and six weeks of intense dieting.

Mike's Alive?!

Hello Gentle Reader!

Yes, I’m back, from outer space. You just logged in to find me here with these sad typos in blogspace? Well, I’m sorry I’ve been away for so long but since ‘stepping out for a pack of smokes’ last summer I’ve been ever so busy, and the thing about life is it can sometimes get in the way of living.

A quick summary: I’m still cheerful, frumpy and a fairy. Fella and I are still very much together, and still on track for our civil partnership in May. Gypsy the goldfish and Morag the Volkswagen are still very much alive which tells us more about their resilience rather than my tender care.

My last post, oh so long ago, was me showing off a bit about my dissertation survey progress. Since then I’ve written it, submitted it and by some fucking miracle I passed it. I’ve edited it for public consumption and after just one more ikkle read-through am going to post a link it here soon on STRICT condition that, like all feedback, any comments are purely expressed in terms of adulation and hyperbole.

Now I’m not really one for blowing my own trumpet – I’d be on a rather different website – but I’m extraordinarily impressed with myself. After handing it in I went through ha phase of how it is the most awful dissertation in the history of everything ever, but now I’ve passed I realise it’s totes amaze balls.

… and let that be an end to going on about that ;-)

The big news is I’ve secured a new job. With seven weeks to go until my current employer is shut down and the new world takes over, I have handily been appointed to that self same new world. I’ll be part time until the swtich over in both worlds, but of course they expect full time work anyway each so it’s a lot of 12 hour days and seven day weeks. What the hell – it’s truly exciting to be at the beginning of an organisation that is genuinely starting from scratch and being able to influence that and all the learning that has to go with it. I’m sure I’ll be able to tell you more as time and posts allow.

 

Fella and I are still on course for the civil partnership. Three months to go and the wedding jitters are beginning to set in! Again, so much more to post on this. Suffice it to say, having studied physics for four years failed to teach me that the world turns or not based on decisions about chair-covers (bow down to the power of the Cheerful Fairy!) and that something as simple as giving a florist money and getting flowers in return is of course grossly jeune and naïve.

 
On a final and more serious note the time I’ve taken to compose this stream of consciousness it available to me because Fella is away visiting his family home for the first anniversary for his mother’s death. I’m not going because the few hours I could be there coincide with the catholic mass they’ll be attending and I don’t think it’s right for me to go to that. I don’t know the rites and I don’t enjoy religion so it would be disingenuous and distracting of me to go. This of course could just be an excuse for more to avoid an awkward situation and stick in Strumpetville like the cowardly custard that I am. Nevertheless I am of course thinking of him and them all.

Booked it!

Well, gentle reader, we’ve done it: the venue is booked and we are well and truly in civil-partnership planning mode.

The 15 May marks our third anniversary and one year exactly until the ceremony itself. As I’m in the middle of exam preparation and dissertation research it has been difficult to find time to even post about it, let alone do anything but this is progress at last.

The next steps for us are to set up our marriage website (some friends of ours set one up and it really helps with RSVPs, telling people about the venue etc), and organise some save the date cards. And perhaps figure out where the mind-bubbling amount of money it’s going to cost us will come from. My initial estimate was less than half of what it will really cost and our reserve fund is looking stretched-thin.

Personally I have no real objection to just trotting down to the town hall, filling in the relevant paperwork, and taking all of our friends out for a massive party in town for about half the money but needs must when Fella is all romantically minded.

That of course makes him out to be Bridezilla which couldn’t be further from the truth; and I think we are very lucky to have a venue that is enthusiastic and helpful and will take on a fair bit of the organising (but, importantly, not decision making) itself.

We have a friend making the rings and another friend making the cake. Fella delegated these tasks without really discussing it with me, which is OK to a point, but fortunately I had a chat with the friend making the rings this weekend and she is very sound about making something appropriate and that we both like rather than going off in a creative frenzy. Cake lady is next!

The ceremony will be on a Wednesday so I am keen to get ‘save the date’ cards out to people sooner rather than later, particularly as his family will be travelling from Scotland and mine from Germany. There will be a fair bit of organising around accommodation and transport, which will be quite a large part of the budget – our plan is for any family staying over to be put up that night at our expense at a hotel close to the venue.

One other idea that occurred to me was also around the ‘theme’ of the wedding. One of the things important to me about it is that everyone has a good time and it is as relaxed as possible. This means, for example, that we won’t have ‘day’ and ‘evening’ invitations but people can come and go as they please (which also helps get around the work-day problem).

My idea is to theme it around all the fun times Fella and I have had with the invitees – photos and momentos of holidays, nights out, places we been and various adventures we’ve had together.  A good idea, don’t you think?

There's a time and a place

Unbelievably Fella and I have got off our pert arses and actually started planning our civil partnership.

Immediately off on a rambling tangent – Fella calls it the “wedding” and that we are getting “married”. I call it registering a civil partnership; because that is what it is. So there. But if you are 'interested in participating in the UK Government’s consultation on giving us cheerful band of shirt lifting fairy types the upgrade, then you can do so here: http://homeoffice.gov.uk/equalities/

We have visited a few venues near to where we live: TheTudor Barn in Eltham, Eltham Palace, and Hall Place in Bexley.

Now, we love Eltham Palace, but we can’t really afford it – and we’d have to change our plans to accommodate the venue which I get a bit sniffy about considering what they’re asking.
The Tudor Barn is highly affordable and quite nice in its own way… but it didn’t set my world on fire. It’s not likely to be the place we pick.

Hall Place, however, is the Goldicocks venue. Affordable, beautiful, available, and enthusiastic about us being wedded there. The accommodation is just right and very flexible. And they appeal to our innate laziness by pretty much throwing everything in to the price, including the flowers. They have a nice package where they corral the suppliers, but we work with them each individually to meet our requirements which is just great. There’s even a hotel next door.

When I write ‘everything’ I of course use the word quite wrongly; they won’t do the cake or the rings, which Fella has farmed out to friends of ours – and the results of this I await with some trepidation…

Anyhoo. Because our families will be coming from Germany and Scotland, and our chosen day – our anniversary – happens to be a Wednesday so we think that the numbers will be quite small. Our initial guest list is about 60 something, and it may be many of them won’t be able to take the time off.

What we’re planning is an afternoon ceremony, and then a meal, drinks and dancing and then people can totter off in their own good time. At least that way people will only need to take half a day off work, and people can join us in the evening if they wish.

The next day… honeymoon.

We might look at one or two other places but I think we’re going to settle on this one… Have a look and tell me what you think J

I’m already thinking about the invites, what we’ll wear and sending out ‘save the date’ cards. What the hey; a project manager civil partnering an events planner – I think we’ll do alright. In the meantime Fella and I will be living like hermits for the next year to pay for it!

Equality

There is a debate going on in the UK about civil partnership; and whether in particular religious institutions should be allowed to perform them.

Currently there is a legal prescription against civil partnerships being described as marriage; or being associated with religious symbolism. This can cause problems for gay couples, as very strict registrars may veto certain types of behaviour, decoration, or forms of words. Certainly a top tip Fella and I have already had is to get to know our prospective registrar very well.

Some members of the House of Lords, the unelected upper chamber that can delay and amend legislation – but not veto it – are opposingthis proposed opening up of options for gay couples. Tories, they are. A reputation for nastiness they have; sometimes they subsume it long enoigh to win power. But they always return to type.

I should make clear that no religious group or building would be forced to undertake civil partnerships. Currently gay people may not be discriminated against on the provision of a good or service; and the point of civil partnerships is to give gay couples the same rights and protections in law as them there proper married types. So it’s not such a radical step forward, but a welcome one.

Still those members of the Lords are opposed. And they are dressing up this opposition as what I have seen described as a victimisation meme. A simple equation; gay equality demeans religious freedom.

Well, gentle reader, time to introduce a new technical term to our rarefied debate. Horseshit.

It’s Horseshit because religious views should not be used as a way of attacking other people. It doesn’t damage anyone’s freedom to be stopped from doing that. Religion is being used as an absolute; but the argument is that it should be a supreme get-out-of-jail-free card.

It’s true that no-one’s freedom should be limited until and unless it impinges on someone else’s or is liable of causing harm. So you hate gays? Well, you get to shout it from the roof-tops, pray for our destruction; you’ll never be denied healthcare or the right to vote. Maybe you need to be careful what you say and do at work, or in public, or to your family – but hey, welcome to our world.

No, it isn’t equality they want. But if they do, let’s give it to them. Time, I think, to get the bishops out of the Lords. Time to disestablish the Church of England and all the subsidies that entails. Time to stop treating your vast portfolio of land as a charity, and get you to pay your taxes. Come on – you want to be like the rest of us – by all means.

Because, although we don’t claim to be special, it doesn’t mean you get to say we are less than what we are. So live. Grow. And marry me.

Khnumhotep and Niankhkhnum

I can hardly believe, gentle reader, that it has been so long since my last post. Well, there’s been lots of stuff going on, not least the Cheerful Fairy becoming a human pin cushion. Half a dozen hospital appointments coming up which will no doubt provide a blog post or two.

However, that's not what I’m here to post about – no it’s weddings!

A few weeks ago Fella and I attended the civil partnership of a couple of ladies, H & P, and I have to write we had a fantastic time. They had clearly gone out of their way to make everyone feel they were part of their day and to ensure everyone enjoyed taking part too.

It was a triumph of organisation and we in the Big Gay Family responded with a willingness to party above and beyond the call. Fella lost his shoes; I lost a coat (that does tend to happen when the Big Kay Family gets together).  We got them back though, and in the process we were able to thank them for letting us be part of their special day. The venue, the ceremony, the reception were all wonderful. As H & P are teachers they had structured the day like a school timetable; the ceremony was Religious Education, the blessing was Assembly. And instead of flowers as the table centrepiece each table had its own type of sweets that people were encouraged to share.

One other thing we learned…

Fella and the Cheerful Fairy are NOWHERE. I mean, we know the date; we have a preferred venue; we’re going to wear clothes… we’ve done a tentative guest list – pleasingly more people than we thought.

But that’s it. We’ve been X years away for some time now but the truth is we need to get all the details done in six months, perhaps less.

Because, of course, we need to start sending out ‘save the date’ cards and then invites. And apparently that alone is a crucible of passion and intrigue that makes Lucretia Borgia’s weddings seem dull and uninteresting by comparison. People genuinely fell out over some being invited to the reception but not the ceremony! We were afraid.

Clearly we’re going to have to Bridezilla this baby up. A lot to think about and a lot to do. I’m glad we’ve had our eyes opened, particularly in such a nice way. I think we can look forward to a lot more posts about registrars and venues and stationery and wedding lists and honeymoons and menus and clothes and hotels and…

The Big Day

Aint nothing like a summertime wedding in Strumpetville gentle reader. The big day came and went without a hitch, the weather was perfect and the location divine. For something organised in only four months it was a masterpiece.

Sadly, it was not MY wedding, no. Rather that of my brother-in-law S to his now wife… Mrs S.

Fella and I suspect the whirlwind wedding of Mr and Mrs S was due in part to our impending nuptials (or at least an impending bun in the oven)… but no matter, I wish them all the very best. Off in sunny Paxos for their honeymoon, now.

The wedding itself was at Kew Gardens, which is a place I adore. We had free entrance to the gardens on the day; the ceremony was in Cambridge Cottage while the reception was in the Princess of Wales gardens – a very nice venue indeed.

Some of the most interesting people I met were Fella’s friends, one of whom is Mr S’s boss, a gay couple who have been together about nine years. It was nice to get to know another established – even more established – gay couple outside our current circle (as it were).

The most important part of the day (apart from the nuptials) was that this was for Fella and by extension me a family affair. One of the things I was a little concerned about was meeting all of the family. As a fiancé one is in and not in the family – and as a GAY fiancé, well one’s status is all the more uncertain.

Nevertheless I was, as always, made to feel totally welcome – even posing in the family only pictures. No pressure then… definitely have to make my relationship work, or those photos are ruined!! Actually, it was very nice to be included and to be so accepted by everyone. Even Fella’s 89 year old grandmother! I hope when it comes to our civil partnership (or any other event), my family will be as accepting of him.

Since Fella has been complaining to his friends about not having an engagement ring – he had one prepared when he proposed – so I have decided it’s time to get him on; well, in time for his birthday in September… so plenty more to blog about in due course…

In the meantime Fella’s mother continues well enough. She did rather dwell on her prognosis at the wedding until Fella gently stopped her and suggested it might not be the day for it. In a rather touching gesture Mr and Mrs S asked, as a wedding gift, for people only to donate to a charity for MS sufferers. The plans for our own marriage will need to revolve in part around her, and that in turn means keeping a totally open mind about timing, venue, honeymoon etc…

Well, that is the way it needs to be. Seeing how well it can be done fills me with confidence. And being included and welcomed by the family fills me with great happiness.