Christmas

Fella and I are back from Christmas with his family, and if you’ll forgive me gentle reader, now the in-laws have been done, I’m looking forward to some relaxation and general enjoyment.

We went to the in-laws this year, as last – the disadvantage of having my family being abroad! I actually get on with them very well, and I’ve been welcomed into the family in the most touching way. Nevertheless, it’s sometimes a struggle and this year as much as ever.

Fella’s mother has terminal liver cancer and she is clearly deteriorating very fast. His father reacts to this with extraordinary anger, and certainly 2012 will have to see Fella supporting them a lot more and me supporting him doing that.  

On the plus side it was great to see my brother- and sister-in-law again – for the first time since their wedding - and when all of us were together we had so much fun. I was given a book on art deco and a lovely top from Fella. I gave him a wine and cheese tasting evening (with a friend) in January and a wash-bag which he can use in his new role as event manager, which takes him all over the country. The others got a book, or for my mother-in-law a kindle voucher as she spends a lot of time in hospital…

There was more food than we could eat – yeah, that’s Christmas – and a lot of the gifts centred on chocolates and biscuits and fine coffees; that was my father-in-law buying on his mother’s behalf, and i am touched she included me on the gift list, canny old bird that she is.

Now we’re back. After a couple of stressful days I practically jumped Fella when we got home... but that’s another story. Now, in the few days we have until we return to work in the new year I’m looking forward to some quiet relaxation, seeing friends and generally taking advantage of the break.

This year really has had its ups and downs and in many ways I’m looking forward to it being over. It hasn’t been bad, not at all; but there are so many things to do that 2012 needs a run up. I’m actually really looking forward to what might just be the (second) most important year ever ;-) and this Christmas is almost a sabbatical from the challenges ahead, no matter how much I relish them.

I’ll post about what needs to be done in 2012 in the New Year , and I will certainly be relaxing until then, so let me take this opportunity to wish you all the best for the festive season; my thanks for reading about my middle-classed wittering about my ordinary life; and the hope that your 2012 will be your best year so far; but not your best year ever!

1926-2011

It has been a hectic month so far, and it is nearly at an end. I have passed my exams, and am due to start university again at the beginning of October. At work I now provide support to two teams rather than one; but I have decided to take the plunge and look for a new job when am back.

Tomorrow Fella and I are heading out to Germany. We were planning to go on Saturday and drive our little car down to the alpine region of southern Germany to visit my mother.

Regrettably plans are forced to change due to the sad death of my grandfather.

He has had heart problems since I was a small child, and last weekend he had a massive heart attack. After a short spell in intensive care he was moved to a side ward, made comfortable, sand with the agreement of the family nature was allowed to take its course.

Fella and I will be driving through the night to get there in time. For Fella it will be quite a challenge, I suppose, being that he will meet an awful lot of my family at one time, and in a difficult setting. Funny, really, as I met his family for the first time on the occasion of his grandfather’s funeral.

What strikes me is the efficient German timing of it all. We were going to be together anyway, more or less, so if you’re gonna go…

That really doesn’t do him justice! Born on the cusp of the Great Depression, raised under the Nazis, then had to raise his children under East German communism before they smuggled their young family over the border and started a new life in the West with absolutely nothing.

85 years of hard living, hard drinking, hard smoking and a lard chase took its toll of course and last weekend the music stopped.

To go off on a slight tangent, we went to see Adele in concert for Fella’s birthday, at around the time my grandfather was slipping away. This song in particular I really liked – though she is an awesome performer and a lovely person to boot – and since my grandfather passed away it has been running through my mind during the more personal moments I have taken to adjust to this loss.

Return to Strumpetville

I’m back gentle reader, from my holiday to sunny Herefordshire. Managed to drive all the way there and all the way back without major incident – a definite plus.

The cottage we stayed in was lovely, and the weather we had was glorious. How towny we all are is shown by the fact we decided to walk to the nearest pub one night – and that walk took three hours. Indeed, a local farmer took pity on us and gave us a lift in the end.

There were seven of us in total, including me and Fella. Four straight women and three gay men. A combination that can have a great deal of fun, and perhaps inevitably watch a fair amount of gay porn.

Alongside the smut there were walks, canoeing, visits to picturesque towns, dinners out, nights in in-front of the fire, being chased out of fields by bulls... and just general relaxation.

Six of the seven of us are long-standing friends and we certainly were on top form – perhaps behaving a tad too disgracefully for the more refined and conservative tastes of the Welsh marches but I think a great time was had by all.

Now we’re back, and for me it is straight into exam season – my first is next Thursday. I was surprisingly good and did some studying each day on holiday but of course I feel as time draws on that I haven’t done enough. Fella will be a research degree widow for a wee while I fear.

What surprised me most was the gay porn thing. I never anticipated that would be a thing to bond over with the straight female ladies of the opposite gender. Certainly they were quite curious and the third gay man in the group – a housemate of one of the ladies, who in turn is a colleague of Fella – was happy to oblige (Fella didn’t really approve bless ‘im). I’m not sure they were prepared for the breadth of material on offer...

All in all, a group of friends disappearing off the grid for a week away together in a remote cottage has the makings of a decent horror film about it, but instead we had riotously good fun and I haven’t laughed like that for ages. I certainly don’t want to go back to work the week after next, and will certainly be thinking about my career options going forward.

Well, back to studying, back to my diet, back to work... back to reality. I am a little sorry for it, though the holiday was about the right length I think. Certainly I am looking forward to my next adventure, and soon!

Holiday!

One down and one to go...


Last weekend Fella and I returned to sunny Cardiff, this time with good friends to visit friend ‘A’ and her fella for a weekend. It was tremendous fun, but my God I am getting a bit old for this kind of thing – we returned absolutely shattered. An excellent time was had by all, and ‘A’ and her man made a huge effort to make us welcome.

Next weekend we are getting into our blue car and driving with some friends back to Wales for a few days of more ethanol fuelled R&R – this time in the countryside where we can enjoy being away from it all and generally forget about the world.

I really need it too. I feel so much that I need a break from my life at the moment. This is just what the doctor ordered... a couple of weeks off work, get my exams out of the way; something like a new start.

Overall I think right now I am truly vile company at the moment. Stress, mainly by the sheer volume of work I have at the moment, but also things that have happened at work, has been overwhelming. In a Protestant-work-ethic/stiff upper lip sort of way I try to keep my head down and do a good job without complaining. I suspect my stress has manifested itself in many ways; and certainly today my boss made me aware of what may be a significant error on my part – a disordered agenda; disordered meeting papers. Drama.

Why do I know I need a holiday? I have made an error and by and large I don’t care. Oh my!

A holiday; a chance to relax; build up my strength for what comes next. A change is as good as a rest, they say – it really is time to get another job.

The friends we are going with are an eclectic bunch, but mostly people I have met through Fella. In Cardiff it was friends he met through me. The seven of us will drive in two cars out from London onto the motorway, then onto the A road, the B road and out to our cottage in the Welsh... Wales (I have no idea what the countryside is like around there – we could be walking into a horror film).

I have high hopes – to be candid, gentle reader, I’m pinning in no small part my (short term) future happiness on having a good time in Welsh Wales. Kayaking! Pub lunches! Badger stamping! All I really want to do is get away.

I really want to get away.

Three days to go...

Encore

So here we are, back again from our trip to Germany. I'm sitting here, on the last day of my holiday, feeling somewhat sorry for myself – but that's only because of the somewhat sizeable electric shock I got from a poorly wired electrical fitting in the flat. Fortunately my luck held out and several amps of 240v current arcing across my heart, a minor burn on the arm is all I sustained.

Returning to the matter at hand, we had a lively time in Germany, visiting lots of sights and generally relaxing. It's the first time Fella and I have had a proper holiday for a holiday's sake, and we did enjoy it. I've certainly put on weight – back on the diet on Monday for me Gentle Reader.

One particular place he wanted to visit, my Fella, was Blaubeuren. It's a village nestled in the Schwabian alps; it's exceptionally pretty and also marks the start of a series of water-filled caves that remain unexplored. As such it is an area of fame and fascination locally; as well as a lovely place to visit.

We wandered around the village, and as it was such a sunny day, we had some ice cream, before going to the lake that marks the source of the river Blau, a tributary of the Danube. It was there that Fella suggested that he and I take a wander along the lakeside, leaving my family behind to enjoy the view. And it was there where he sat me down on a bench by the water's edge, and got down on one knee. And it was there that he asked me to marry him.

Well, to cut a long story short I said yes.

Who'd have thought it? Less than three years since coming out and I'm engaged to be civil-partnered! From Hogzilla to Bridezilla in but the blink of an eye. Fortunately both families are very pleased; and our friends are full of congratulations. We have a lot of planning and work to do but for the moment let us content ourselves with that we are very happy.

So, Ta Daa!! That's some news, right enough... obviously there's a lot to think about, out loud if you will, so much more by way of this blog. In the meantime domesticity is blissful, by and large, though we're still settling into the flat; much to do there too. All in all we glide toward the Cherrful Fairy's 33^rd birthday with suspiciously plan sailing :-)

Hausfrau

I have taken a couple of weeks off work gentle reader . Not for any particular reason, you understand, but to use up my annual leave. Or at least some; as a public sector employee I have a realtively generous allowance of 37 days; given the hours I have to sometimes work it’s impossible to take it all and even with these two weeks I still lose a few days.

Fortunately my projects are finished; it is the end of the financial year; and with a general election in the offing there are few new workstreams being initiated.

Now, I could very much get used to this not-working business. In my daydreams I can see myself as a gentlefairy of leisure; long walks in the morning, improving my mind in my private library in the afternoon, and entertaining in the evening…

So far I’ve spring-cleaned my rooms; and taken in my laptop for a service (it’s breaking down, but fortunately Fella has lent me his in the interim). I am going to the gym every day, and certainly feeling – and seeing – the benefits. In other news my masters application has been submitted; fingers crossed about that. I shall be a dreadfully embarrassed fairy if I don’t get in.
Tomorrow I’m going back into hospital for yet more pokingand prodding. My Big Important Appointment is on 26 April so with luck all my tiresome health worries will be dealt with by the beginning of May.

Domestically all continues apace. It seems Camberwell is very much likely to be Fella’s London residence – again, moving at the beginning of May. It will be nice to have him in London for our one year anniversary in the middle of that month. This works out rather well as it gives me a couple of months to get myself together before I take the plunge and make my move.

Timely, then, that I came across a social housing provider that offers properties for a subsidised rent in return for the promise to buy somewhere in five years’ time. This fits in with the plan rather nicely and therefore I’m giving serious thought to getting my own place again…

Valentine

February 14th marked my first Valentine ’s Day in a proper relationship. Darren feel between two stoops in that we went from April to October; and International and I ended things a few weeks before the event last year.

So: hurrah for milestones… etc.

The weekend passed quite smoothly, bar the small hiccup of some cross words on Saturday night – entirely started by me getting huffy; but then Frumpella can be a dick sometimes. Still, overall, I think it is agreed, a lovely weekend was enjoyed by all.

On Friday we went out, Fella and I, with some friends for a boozy evening in the pub before heading home for a decent night’s sleep and a very long lie-in on Saturday morning. Fella was working on Saturday so after a nice early dinner he and I went to St James’s and I sat in on the concert there; some Mozart and Haydn played by Belsize Baroque.

After that we went home and ended up watching trash on the tele until the early hours, thus brining us to the main event.

First things first; for breakfast Fella got pancakes with strawberries, maple syrup and lemon curd, and pink champagne.

Then it was time for the gifts. I gave him a lovely warm dressing gown; a box of chocolates; and a compendium of love letters by famous men and women (a la Sex and the City!). He gave me a box of chocolates; some prosecco, and a ring (the proudly adorns my right hand). Most touching of all he gave me a hand made Valentine’s card, the front of which was a photo of us taken at the ball.

In the evening we went to a restaurant in Soho that I chose, with some trepidation, due to the reviews it had been given for both food and service. Now, Fella is a foodie and we think little of spending three figures on posh nosh once in a while… so it was a tough choice to pick somewhere less well appointed. But, as it turned out gentle reader, I done chose well.

The restaurant held its small upstairs dining room for Valentine’s couples; nine tables for two. We were the first to arrive and during our time there, there were never more than five couple at any given time. The décor was very modern, the food was absolutely delightful and the service attentive without being intrusive. Fella was amused that we were sat between a gay female couple and a pair of argumentative northerners. It added for him a certain je ne sais quoi.

There we have it then. All over now. A slight down now it’s past, a certain petit mort… but on the other hand what better way to see us past the nine-month mark? I think this song (as always) sums it up...

... and

It’s 30 December and as I’m hurriedly typing this Fella is fast asleep. He looks like an angel when he’s asleep…

We had a lovely Christmas, at his parents’ place outside London. I got on very well with everyone in the family so we can definitely mark it as a successful visit. I felt very much welcomed by them all. It really was nice,.

Fella got me a new DVD player (my old one was very much on its last legs so well observed by him) and his family gave me a cookbook. The gifts I got them whilst in Germany went down very well too. There was even snow on Christmas Day. All in all it went much better than I could have expected.

I’ve been thinking a lot about New Years resolutions. I am amazed by how well my relationship is going and we’re both talking in terms of the years ahead, not just weeks or months. So in many respects 2010 will be focussed on building that up. Hence I am resolved on matters pertaining to that:

Work – keep working hard, and trying to do well. I’m not sure yet quite what that looks like; but it’s great to mix things up. Experience new challenges.

Education. In keeping with the above start my master’s degree. The people I deal with on a daily basis inspire me; I aspire to their example. It will be a challenge because I will have to give a few evenings a week to study and classes; time I would spend with Fella. Plus he wants to go back to bar work to make some extra money. That’s going to really hit our time together. BUT (customary preposition notwithstanding) I am keen to take our relationship forward to meet these challenges because I really think we’re in a good, strong place.

Domestic: it’s time to move. Things here with the Gardener are fine, but not really suiting me. So, I’ve decided to try and get a place of my own again . No great rush of course; but given the challenges I’m introducing I do think having a place all my own, that Fella and I can share, will help ameliorate the effects. Before you ask, gentle reader, we aren’t ready to move in together. No: not at all. What we do need is a place where we can be together, but in separate rooms – if that makes sense.

Legal: hints have been dropped. I know, for example, which of these Fella would most prefer. And indeed, it has been made clear that were certain questions to be asked the order of things would be I should do the asking… so while 2010 might not quite be the year in which the question is in fact asked, in the next 12 months we do consider that the decision to ask it will be made.

So, stay tuned... and in the meantime:

Happy New Year

I hope 2010 brings you almost everything you desire ;-)

Merry Christmas...

Merry Christmas, Gentle Reader...




Another year over with. Started with International, ended with Fella. I've moved house, been promoted, and started a proper boyfriend type relationship! Woo-hoo. 2009; had its ups abd downs, but will be always considered quite a vintage year.

2010 will have its challenges; health, wealth and happiness? Well, that kinda depends on me. But I'll discuss that nearer the time.

Today it was a hurried last minute shop, then I'm meeting Fella at 4:30 to get the train to his parent's house *angst*. Well, I'll tell you all about it when I get back.

For now, let's make this post all about you.

Thank you for reading; thank you for comments, advice and feedback. I do appreciate it!

And now, Merry Christmas. I hope you have a really great holiday, and I look forward to blogging at you in 2010...

Party Season

So another weekend over! It was fun, actually. Friday I had my work Christmas party, followed by drinks with Fella and his colleagues at the Royal College where he works. On Saturday he went ice-skating with his friends; and then we met and went for dinner in Soho, which became after dinner drinks; and that in turn became dancing the night away at a club. It really was fun.

The down side was I couldn’t make Sunday Fella’s day as I had planned, because we slept in and he needed to go home in the afternoon. Goshdarn.

Still, we have next week and the week after before we stay with his parents for Christmas. Next week I have “Mary Christmas” drinks in Soho with friend ‘A’ and he wide circle of gay friends. That night Fella is working at the Church so he may combine naughty with nice and join me. Then Friday I have another work lunch and my manager’s leaving do. And on Saturday a house party. Presumably on Sunday Fella and I will spend some time together but I do find that when we have a lot of social engagements – even joint ones – our quality time suffers. That will be something to think about in 2010.

I’m lucky I get paid before Christmas or I’d really find myself chronically pooped in a financial sense. After all, Fella’s long (and growing) list of Christmas presents, my own extensive gifts to myself the party season is a bit of a burden. Still, Strumpetville is a paryt town gentle reader so I see no desperate need to hold back.

Dancing the night away… I love doing it. And it had been a short while. Fella and I complement each other well enough in that he knows the best places to go, and I know how to enjoy myself once we are there! Oh yes, a bit more of that next year if you please.

I have begun to think about the New Year and what might be done – achieved rather – in the coming12 months and the truth is I’m looking forward to it in a rather different way than the last two years. And, as you may have gathered from the last few zillion posts or so, Fella is a big part of that. Party season – soon to be over; or just beginning?

The Wanderer Returns

So we’re back. From outer space…

No, from Germany actually. And do you know, we had a good time.

I shall, if you will permit me gentle reader, start with a rant. And it is this: at the airport, going through security, I am forced to question the wisdom of having me remove my shoes and belt to be x-rayed but at no time whatever checking my passport and boarding card. I find it difficult to imagine how the security of the western world is assured by having people waddling around barefoot with their trousers round their ankles. It is pointless and silly, as is so much of this sceptred isle. Even Fella was rather annoyed. Though I think the root of his mood lay more in the lack of sleep, whereas for me of course it is due to nothing so much as that I am rapidly becoming a grumpy old woman.

But, after all of this we met the sun in the sky and 1004 kilometres later were in the centrally heated bosom of my mother’s abode. Fella, mother; mother, Fella.

Actually they hit it off rather well. Annoyingly well, in fact. I hardly needed to be there it seemed on occasion. Of course Fella achieved this by slavishly agreeing with everything he said, a strategy of sycophancy that earned him no small ribbing from me. I gave that up when I was about seven years old. Nevertheless, on that score the trip was a success. We did some shopping at the Weinachtsmarkt in Ulm, and wandered through the pretty village where said mother lives. We ate out in a traditional German restaurant; I had goose, he had wild boar (yum, and double-plus yum).

And then we came back, with plans to visit again next summer. My dislike of flying enhanced neither by my experience, above, or the violent turbulence on the way back I am now firm in my foot-downedness that we will drive next time. And Fella rather brilliantly suggested we make something of a road trip of it and go on to Berlin after.

So, there we have it. I must say it is only looking back whilst blogging this that I dimly perceive the milestone that has been passed. I have not only introduced my partner to my mother – but I have done so as an acknowledged gayer! Actually, it went well enough that it was a good relaxing break, which was also timely. And I was able to shine a bit with news of my promotion too.

Success!

Update

December already! It will be 2010 before you know it… the third year of Strumpetville. I’m writing this after packing for the flight to Germany tomorrow; I’m waiting for Fella to come home.

I spent more money than is strictly safe making sure I look as good as possible, and capitalising on my recent, admittedly involuntary, weight loss. I am vexed by the fact the rain has quite ruined my new coat, Grrrr. But I have new everything to show off when I see my family tomorrow, not the least of which his my man!

My illness continues unabated. I am being sent for yet more tests, and am under strict instructions to get the results at an appointment with a doctor, rather than over the ‘phone. The options are looking increasingly rough, but I’ll keep you informed gentle reader…. I am well below my ideal weight, though this does attract some favourable comments so I’m determined to keep the weight off and turn it into yet more rippling gorgeousness.

On the plus plus plus side I applied for a promotion recently and, to my continuing shock, I got the job. Yay me. I said YAY!

What will my new role be? Ah, well, this is the British public sector. So, let me try to explain…

How it works is, I have demonstrated the skills and experience to be promoted to a certain grade. Now my employer must cast about for a particular role commensurate with the elevated heights reached by your cheerful fairy correspondent. In practice this means on Monday or Tuesday I shall be whisked away to a new desk, team, role and… be left to get on with it. Frying pan meet fire? Let us hope not.

Fella bought me a takeaway Pizza and some fizzy wine to celebrate on Monday night which was rather nice. In truth I was kinda looking forward to a quiet night in, given the rest of the week will be so hectic. But why look a gift boyfriend in the mouth? I love him really… so can’t complain :-)

Last night I was well and truly on the lash with friends ‘A’ and ‘F’ and as such I am massively sleep deprived and hung over – a good night indeed. I think we may have to avoid the Boat for a while… but I also think I deserved to celebrate.

So there we are, Christmas a coming and here I am. Tired, promoted, in love, ill, happy.

Retail (couple) therapy

Fella is at a concert tonight so I’m waiting for him to come home, and once I’m done here I’ll be cooking us dinner before we settle in for the night.

Today has been a nice day. A lie in, before a breakfast of *ahem* and a morning spent lazing in front of the television. After going into town we had lunch in a small sushi restaurant in Soho where I bumped into a former neighbour of mine of whom I was always rather fond – I hope she (a very bubbly Malaysian lady) and I can meet up again soon as she was always a lot of fun! Anyway, after that Fella and I began some serious retail therapy. Shoes; coat; watch; cufflinks. All for me! Bless his heart if Fella wasn’t following me round – entirely without complaint - some all afternoon staggering under the weight of things that had caught my eye. I do like clothes shopping, gentle reader; as some unfortunate Frenchists found out today, many a slip ‘twixt a mirror and me when I am cooing over a new purchase.

I did a bit of Christmas shopping too; a nice journal bound in leather itself inlaid with semi-precious stones for one of my cousins, and a hand-made Egyptian jewellery box for my mother. All in all I spent heaps of lovely lolly. Well, ‘tis Christmas, and in Strumpetville retail therapy is prescribed by any doctor worthy of the name…

Now all I really need to do, bar a few more gifts for the known knowns who are my friends and family, is find the something for the known unknown who is my boyfriend. Hmmmm… Asking him outright has, annoyingly, failed to yield results. I want it to be right and I have the double burden of the unknown unknown that is his family’s judgement and the bar of Paris to at least match. So I reeally do want to know at some level what to get him; what gifts he would like most.

The shopping today is also in part to prepare us for the trip to Germany next week. Time has stolen a march and in four days we shall be flung across the sky in an aluminium death-tube full of other people’s farts to confront under Why There Are No Grandchildren. To be fair it’s also largely Because I Wanted To (and that, as an aside, has been the justification for a lot of what has been blogged about this past couple of years) but really both of us are beginning to get a tad nervous and taking this time to be together, to be sure we look our best and to know how we plan to do things before we go, is proving to be very important.

Us time

I want this weekend to be all about Fella and me. But mostly Fella. We haven’t seen each other for almost a week, and absence surely does make the heart grow fonder! He is working on Saturday night, but apart from that I think I can make his weekend with me worth his while!

The main reason for this is that next week we’re travelling to Germany and that seems to mark the start of our Christmas season. After that it’s work parties and seeing mutual friends and his family for Christmas and some kind of New Year thing to round it all off… So I think it would be nice to spend some time together before it all kicks off.

It being our first Christmas I am beginning to think about the things I need to do. What kind of presents to get; and when to give them to him. Where we should go out etc. Funnily enough when I think of Christmas with Fella I think of Valentine’s day; I’m not sure what it is that makes the association in my mind, though I suspect we don’t need Dr Freud do we, gentle reader?

One of the nicer things about our relationship is that we have begun to have a fair number of mutual friends so I do think our December will be a busy one. I think Christmas itself will be quite a challenge, as I don’t really know his family – met his mother a couple of times, the father and brother once. At a funeral. So three days with little food, no booze and [the horror] only four TV channels – oh, and a single bed to boot.

Well, I’ve made it quite clear I’ll come up after work on 24th and be back on 27th; I’ve preferred to spend Christmas this last few years with friends, and 2008 is a matter of record on this very blog… the family thing has not been a big thing for me.

On the plus side I know Fella is very excited about Germany and is currently convinced that there will be snow and lederhosen and blonde girls in pig-tails yodelling. Bless ‘im; perhaps he won’t be disappointed. Though if we do get snowed in, well my family are certainly no greater a prospect than his… Southern Germany ain’t no Strumpetville. But the most important thing is that he has a good time.

And as for this weekend, Fella has requested curry for dinner. And then I think perhaps a film, and after that…

Paris

Well, I’ve been a lax little blogger, haven’t I? Fear not, gentle reader!! I have returned to Strumpetville from gay Paris and am ready to blog again…

First things first; le trip.

We travelled in the early afternoon from St Pancras; and I’ll be honest, the train is the only was to go. Fast, efficient, no hassle getting our seat, stowing our luggage… before we knew it we were under the sea; and then in France itself.

We’d booked a studio apartment near the Gare Du Nord so we were quickly there. The place was really nice, on a little side street off the main boulevard. And from then on we were out and about, exploring the city.

All the touristy things of course; the Louvre – absolutely fantastic; worth a day in its own right. The Arc de Triomphe; really impressive. The Eiffel Tower. A tad rusty! The people were far friendlier than I thought they would be; it’s the little things that can really make your day, don’t you think? Just turning a corner from the main streets we found ourselves in a small family run bakery, where the staff fussed over us letting us taste thus or that… or the attentive waiters in restaurant we had to ourselves one lunchtime, in the gay district near Rue de Te,mple, who all worked to give us the perfect Parisian dining experience. My verdict? I’m sold. Paris is a thriving, vibrant, beautiful city where I would very happily live one day.

Highlights:

- The Rodin museum
- The Louvre
- Notre Dame
- Pompidou Centre
- The Latin Quarter

The best thing of course is that Fella really loved it. He’s shown he appreciates his best birthday present in many ways, not just the physical *ahem*. Tonight is the only night since last Friday, and until Sunday, that we are apart – hence the time to write a post. He’s changed ever so slightly. Things are more… comfortable. The rhythm is easier in some way.

It was his trip after all – so I’m delighted he liked it. But for me it was great. The last time I went abroad it was with International to his villa in Spain for a dirty weekend of naughty nookie. This time it was a joint experience of art, culture, food and wine. Something shared, and ‘grown up’. It really was a great trip.

And for the next birthday trip? Hmm….

Birthday treats

I have a new phone! It’s a Nokia 5800 and it does everything I want. I still haven’t quite sorted out how voicemail works… or set it up on my PC (so no pics for now) but I am nevertheless pretty satisfied.

Fella was rather bored of my constant twiddling with the device at the weekend. He’s not a fan of technology generally so my cooing over my precious did not impress him overmuch. Fortunately that Friday we had a fabulous dinner at friend ‘F’s – so good I was distracted enough by marvellous food and company to socialise at least a little bit. Plus I gave him his own account on my PC and he finally has a drawer, so I reckon he did OK.

Also on the plus side I am getting £58 for recycling my old one and that will come in handy for Fella’s birthday weekend. Yes, he reaches the grand old age of 30 this Saturday and even in Strumpetville that counts as a proper grown up fairy so there will be celebrations indeed.

For all my inability to communicate Fella’s protestations that he does not want a fuss, or presents, or for anyone to do anything special are a thin façade and so the plan is as follows:

Friday – drinks with colleagues

Saturday: family brunch; then into London where Fella, his mum and I will spend the afternoon doing whatever Fella’s big ole’ heart desires. Then (sans-mere) in the evening he and I will have dinner.

Sunday I have organised his friends to have a surprise party for him in Greenwich (I woe his friends big time for getting together at such short notice).

And at some point, presumably Saturday night, he will get his presents I bought him:

A Futurama DVD (it’s a joke present because we were, shall we say, distracted from these particular episodes one weekend recently)
A polari dictionary
A ‘Round the Horne’ compilation CD
A very nice bottle of very nice
champagne
Some chocolate (of course!)
An exquisite presentation box, inside which he will find:
Tickets to Paris.

Yes, the oft mentioned trip has been booked! It’s from 17 to 20 October, train, hotel, all my treat. Well, mostly my bank manager’s treat but he’s not to know. Would you swoon, gentle reader, over this cornucopia of gayer gifts? Would you?? I surely hope so. My worries about things recently are in part due to a fear I’ve gone a bit overboard. But why not, eh? I may be new to this relationship business but I didn’t arrive in a turnip truck; I’m determined to give him a really great birthday!

I was somewhat reassured when reminded of my Dante, and indeed came up with a brand new rule: if you can see the road ahead it probably isn’t worth the trip

*If anyone has any fairy-friendly hotel tips please drop me a line x

Pendulum

Halfway through the week, and as per I’m really busy. But, strangely, loving the work and really feel challenged and that I’m working at a higher level than ever [reward, please?]. Fortunately, though, I have two weeks off from Friday, and yes while I will have occasionally to pop into the office, I’m going to enjoy the break.

As last year I’m spending Christmas with various neighbours and friends. And it looks like a bumper crop of social events that will be double plus fun, I reckon. Drinks last night, out again tomorrow. International on Saturday (followed by cocktails at a friend’s) and Monday International again; I hope he’s on the mend. If not, well then the bondage tape I got as a Christmas present on Tuesday might come in very handy… if not, the lovely book I was also given might!

As for the other days; well, ‘tis the season:

Friday I have tentatively scheduled an evening’s entertainment with a local gentleman. As so often happens with Squirt we’d messaged/emailed before but nothing came of it. Then tonight… well, we shall see. It’s easy to be imprudent on Squirt as things more often come to naught there, in my experience, at least compared to gaydar. But as mentioned before; Squirt has a broader range of clientele to enjoy. So it balances out in its own way.

Sunday… well, I’m a very naughty boy and as such have tentatively further arranged to spend it with a young man from Eltham for what promises to be hours of fun, oh my.

And tonight… well, my quiet night in was interrupted by a steamingly pornographic cybersex session with, you’ve guessed it, yet another guy from Squirt…

Oh, gentle reader, come now! Did you think I would be resolute after vacillating for so long? Lets us consider it thus: International – whom I love and adore – is as yet unsure how many boyfriends he wants; and remains yet unwilling to formally acknowledge me to be one of them (though there is no doubt I’m a candidate!). Love and sex are not the same thing, certainly not at three months I would submit. And my counsellor says it’s OK. And it’s Christmas… So why not?

As an aside, on Squirt I find myself persistently propositioned by really young guys – 18, 19, 20 etc. Far too young for me (in my mind at least). Sunday’s child is 21, which is barely respectable; in the sense one might say “whilst not respectable, 21 is still…” but after so many propositions from so many of these young guys I thought, well, again, why not?

Can you have too much of a good thing?

The Rain in Spain

I’m back from Spain gentle reader. The plane landed at 3:00 this morning so I am back, and I am very tired.

Everything about this long weekend was simply wonderful. Not a thought to the real world, beyond the confines of that little villa and its views of the sea. Just long days and nights of romance and passion; from swimming together in the clear blue seas of the Mediterranean to making love in the mountains above it, it was an idyll that ended too soon. The weather was perfect, the scenery stunning; sun filled blue skies and warm fragrant moonlit nights alive with crickets and cicadas. We explored ruined castles and tiny villages and I even overcame my shyness to join International on the gay nudist beach! We hired a little yellow car and drove around the empty roads to different places for lunch every day; all through Andalusia and Granada – though breakfast and dinner were always back at the villa ;-) I’ve spent every penny I had.

It was, in short, pretty much perfect - though International’s enthusiasm has caused some inconvenient injuries; and in fact he tried something I’d never done before and I rather wish he had asked permission in the first instance.

Nevertheless I forgive him utterly. It’s been such a long time since I was seriously romanced and I miss it already. And I miss International. He is one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever met and his body is gorgeous – watching him wander around the villa with nothing but a glass of wine or a cup of coffee was like watching an advert for wine or coffee. One that couldn’t be shown until the very late evening. How he could have tolerated the Hogzilla frumporama for so long eludes me.

So as you will understand, I am very sad to be back today, and in fact have been pretty tearful all of the day. Not being with him now is something I find painful. Of course during our time together we Talked, and - as I had always known - there is no prospect of coming between International and Ouch (which is a good thing) and that we may not in fact see each other again after this brief romance. And if we do it is likely to be just as friends. We may even ends up running together as was the original plan before horizontal jogging became our sport.

I went into this with my eyes as wide open as could make them – I only have myself to blame if the downside has a downside – so no maudlin posts from me. Though tonight for me I think a quiet night in with some DVD’s, a duvet and some white wine. And if anyone’s around a hug is always welcome.

This song I heard for the first time in Spain... it captures my mood perfectly

Three strikes

The last three guys I’ve gone on dates with I really enjoyed meeting. I had a great time on each and every occasion; I really felt positive about the way things went and genuinely hoped to see them again.

Nevertheless in each case each guy has felt differently to me and in each case I’ve been left feeling somewhat bewildered about why. Is it really possible to have a great time with someone who isn’t? Am I really missing the cues, body language, hints?

Each of the three dates I’m talking about was Rule 1 compliant but beyond that there were few common themes: weekdays and weekends; daytime and evening; ‘scene’ and non-scene. Really, the only common factor was yours truly.

I’m an introverted scientist type who’s spent an entire career analysing, investigating things, and just generally Thinking. But in the final analysis insight about what it is about me that is the problem is proving elusive, and that runs the risk of generating a feedback loop where I get more anxious about being unattractive, more desperate to be attractive, more and more needy and eventually as ill adored as I am ill starred.

One of the problems with not coming out till relatively late is that I never got to learn the rules the same way other people did. Hence, in part making up (and breaking) my own. You know; the unwritten/unspoken rules that make other people seem to effortlessly to get boyfriends and girlfriends and have all the things I never knew I missed. And I think people can, subconsciously, tell.

Yes, as you may have guessed it’s got me feeling a bit down – serves me right for not sticking to the detox!

Actually to be fair there has been more than one occasion when someone has liked me and I have not felt the same way. But that has been rare. And in fact I tend to be quite surprised too when someone does like me! There’s that dissonance again…

I really can only try to be the best person I can be – work hard, keep healthy, live life; still a work in progress, this gayer. But I really do need this break! This time tomorrow I’ll be in Spain, ready to enjoy a bit of sunshine and cuddle up in the arms of my lover.

In the meantime, a poll (on the right here): do you think I should re-start my month off from dating as I fell off the wagon, or do you think I should get back in the game on 14 October as planned? Let me know.

Sonnenblumen

I’ve suddenly realised what the problem was! I feel unattractive and uncertain. Last Saturday put me in a bad mood because I dented my already fragile self image. My slutty phase is coming to an end and I have nothing to replace it with 'except' Gareth, who is more than adequate, but it feels a bit all-eggs-in-one-basket. Still, I never did have my month off (or man detox as my friend rather more succinctly puts it); that’s life though. I plan to take August off and on 31 July I meet a gorgeous guy!

Also, I realise I haven’t been very busy lately, and being busy is important to me. Usually the combination of a frump-attack and spare time on my hands means I look for assignations but this time I am staring at (to paraphrase the late Douglas Adams) The Long Dark Bank Holiday of the Soul. I wish I was spending it with Gareth... but no, Mr Man has to have a life...

Well then: here’s the plan; sort out the balcony (my sunflowers are finally coming up but I’m overrun with gladioli); treat myself to The Dark Knight at the cinema; get up to speed with the new job; drum up some new business clients; and finally, catch up with old friends. And, possibly, with new ones – I’ve been invited to Oxford for a day trip on Friday next.

Plus of course I have planned out next Wednesday's date with Gareth with meticulous precision – and there’ll be more about that later!

So a nice week off with lots of ‘me’ time, and things to enjoy.

I went into my new workplace yesterday afternoon, and let’s just say I can see why they asked me to come in early. It sounds like a tough project for various reasons but they picked me to do it so I guess I have that je ne sais pas ce qui. Enough to get the systems so that in place that eight million people can all get state financed medical treatment on the basis of need regardless of what hospital or doctor they go to, or what is wrong with them, within 18 weeks of referral, and that it is of a quality they are satisfied with – and to do all this by November. Not all by myself of course - there'll be six of us! Daunting – I may not have time for lurvin’! Still – I do like to be busy [be careful what you wish for].