tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5541716866718816622024-02-21T04:21:25.276+00:00Mike's BlogWhere both deliberate, the love is slight; who ever loved that loved not at first sight? Come live with me and be my love, and we will all the pleasures prove… Or would you have me hide my passion, now that passions court me - late fruit of the tree that I am?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger437125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-71987494542474402362013-12-08T13:15:00.001+00:002013-12-08T13:15:54.375+00:00Au Revoir<span class="fullpost">
Hi there. Yes, it's me - long time no see.</span><br />
<br />
I can't believe it's been more than six months since I last wrote anything on here. Six months of wedded bliss to be sure: everything is wonderful. <br />
<br />
But there's the rub Gentle Reader. What's a cheerful fairy to do? After all the business of officially coming out, exploring my sexuality, dating, finding my Fella and having our civil partnership... well, what's it all about? I mean, really? When you get right down to it?<br />
<br />
I have a lot to continue talking about. However, I've not really felt that this is the place to keep doing it. Mike's Blog had a very real purpose and I don't think, when all is said and done I should rejig this blog and turn it into something else.<br />
<br />
On the other hand I still want to blog. <br />
<br />
So what's the solution? <br />
<br />
Well, it's time to draw a line under this part of my life and take the opportunity to officially call time on this part of my journey. It is a bit sad, but I think a long time coming. <br />
<br />
The good news is I ain't done yet. This is not goodbye, just au revoir. I (and we) have a lot going on so I am going to keep publicly dumping my random thoughts on the interweb. If you feel you might possibly be interested then please visit and follow my new blog <a href="http://www.cheerful-fairy.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">'A Cheerful Fairy'</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-1712980225676572742013-05-18T10:29:00.000+01:002013-05-18T10:29:06.598+01:00Mr and Mr<span class="fullpost">
Much Joy, Gentle Reader, Much Joy! The Cheerful Fairy is a Married* Man. And, conveniently, so is his Fella! </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9japUxVlNK6p29M6Az2y9mQIR5O2Bhdycp25IaXnwWzQctRXaufBIJOYDMNSHpVbWnxdfdCG4_bIuGwMGk2bfFP7X-2FIi4c4MlZnnrfkGnWgzRBALmQxyQd45EByPnm8hlWzkq5LsVw4/s1600/designall%5B2%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9japUxVlNK6p29M6Az2y9mQIR5O2Bhdycp25IaXnwWzQctRXaufBIJOYDMNSHpVbWnxdfdCG4_bIuGwMGk2bfFP7X-2FIi4c4MlZnnrfkGnWgzRBALmQxyQd45EByPnm8hlWzkq5LsVw4/s320/designall%5B2%5D.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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A surprising amount of things went wrong on the day! The suits were wrong; some guests dropped out literally at the last minute; I managed to briefly lock us out of the venue; the registrar came down with glandular fever; oh my!!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigy7Y3YtV8Ae9bZrz4oZPynE9A3jLrfyvb1J_jELNknJaXeO45Gy5iDxnXrf9Uc32Mvd0VeVjc-cyZkXpf9eLG93-JpdoRk7aT_aHG6RwzEQpX-8UwGII2uRE52P47yaj_8NmunGD8l-j4/s1600/2013-05-12+22.19.10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigy7Y3YtV8Ae9bZrz4oZPynE9A3jLrfyvb1J_jELNknJaXeO45Gy5iDxnXrf9Uc32Mvd0VeVjc-cyZkXpf9eLG93-JpdoRk7aT_aHG6RwzEQpX-8UwGII2uRE52P47yaj_8NmunGD8l-j4/s200/2013-05-12+22.19.10.jpg" width="200" /></a>Nevertheless we managed to pull off an amazing day. I spent a significant amount of the ceremony reminding myself of the importance of breathing but I managed to get both of our names right and say my vows and the wording Fella had written for our exchange of rings without stabbing myself in the ear or setting fire to anything - this counts as a win. <br />
<br />
Friends of ours made the cake, made the rings, and were the ushers; they all managed to do their jobs perfectly and I could not be happier with how perfect the rings are. The venue was perfect, as was the wedding breakfast, and the reception. I think everyone had a great time which was very important to both of us. <br />
<br />
Well, it is done then. My Fella is all mine now, woo hoo! All we need now is a mortgage and a puppy and we'll just about have the full set. <br />
<br />
My next post will be the Cheerful Fairy's guide to civil partnerships. In the meantime here's some pics of the venue before the main event! <br />
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(I'll put all the wedding pics in an album and post a link soon)</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-50751116015622423582013-05-13T21:05:00.002+01:002013-05-13T21:05:51.961+01:00Countdown<span class="fullpost"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So, the time is upon us Gentle Reader. In 48 hours your
Cheerful Fairy will be a married Fairy! Fella and I will be hitched at 14:30
BST on Wednesday, and as Hogzilla transitions almost seamlessly into Groomzilla
there is no more than I can do that is in my hands. All the preparation and
planning and here we are.<o:p></o:p></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwl0o6T4hz7A71ZA51WL2CIMuLs0B34y__4jUS2vpLq4HOGsDTN1i-h-PJicyRvVJjA4Qk6sxEEQshBPsj15UtkZxTWAHTFcpsqkiWpa-0NHVZ9qDB7ySa1SqmLK1E88y_AFlaKZfDNe2c/s1600/New+Picture.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwl0o6T4hz7A71ZA51WL2CIMuLs0B34y__4jUS2vpLq4HOGsDTN1i-h-PJicyRvVJjA4Qk6sxEEQshBPsj15UtkZxTWAHTFcpsqkiWpa-0NHVZ9qDB7ySa1SqmLK1E88y_AFlaKZfDNe2c/s1600/New+Picture.bmp" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I tell you what – it’s true what they say; this is one of
the most stressful things you can do. I can’t imagine why, when all my future
happiness depends on is the smooth running of local government, families
playing nice together, and the ability of people to follow basic instructions…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Mind you, given we’ve picked a mid-week wedding day and a
venue in the arsehole end of Strumpetville we’re looking at a pretty good
turnout (even if about 10% of out invitees have passed away, Agatha Christie
eat your heart out).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Cheerful Fairy’s handy guide to a civil partnership will
be gracing this blog very soon. We’ve certainly had ups and downs getting here,
but some real highlights have been finding an amazing venue, having great
friends helping us out, and the gorgeous gorgeous wedding rings (again made by
a friend).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Some of the things I’m pleased about are the theme, the
wedding favours, and the creative side that organising this has revealed in me.
I can’t go into detail – yet – as some guests are also readers but when it’s
all happening I’ll definitely be posting links, photos and details!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Who’d have thunk it – frumpy old me getting wed to my
gorgeous man? But at this stage I’m quite relaxed, very poor and thoroughly grateful.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So, here we are, less than two days to go. Just need to
write my vows and speech now. Simples! I’ll let you know how it all goes. </span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-43298019595370074562013-04-30T21:44:00.000+01:002013-04-30T21:44:59.427+01:00Gosh darn it. <span class="fullpost"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There comes a point in everyone’s life when for the good of
themselves and probably those around them they need to acknowledge who they
are. Yes, gentle reader, it is time to come out. I am, at least a little bit, a
fan of Thatcher. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not the Tories – Section 28 is engraved on the heart of
every right thinking gay or lesbian person out there. Nor her overly black and
white approach to things, from the monetarism that
caused such massive unemployment to the breaking of the miners’ strike, both of which
could have stood some more planning for the support the people these policies/actions left behind
would need. I like privatisation, economic liberalism and empowering
people to own their own homes. I dislike greed, selfishness, the over
centralisation of power in central government’s hands, and selling off social
housing without empowering local authorities to build more. It was, I think,
right to go to war for the Falklands. And it was wrong to ignore apartheid. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ultimately it may well be I dislike more of the Thatcher
Government’s activities and legacy than I could ever list. But overall what I do like is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">reform</i>. Some strong effective leadership
that spent less time spouting bullshit and more time cutting through it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What has caused the Cheerful Fairy to brandish his handbag?
Frustration. Frustration as the apparent blindness , the almost wilful
ignorance of our current Government and, worse, Parliament.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I truly believe we need more than ever a reformist government – or maybe
just some common sense. For instance...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why propose a ‘mansion tax’ when there is still up to a 50%
discount on council [property] tax for second homes?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why boast that people on minimum wage are paying less income tax.
Surely they should pay <em>none</em>?!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why ask the wealthy elderly to voluntarily give up their
state benefits? Instead means-test them (especially when everyone gets
a bus pass, whilst the bus service itself is cancelled to help reduce the
budget deficit) or, even better, just phase them out and make the state pension
a bit bigger. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why tinker with a 45% or 50% top rate of tax when the
richest (and to be clear it ain’t wrong to be rich) pay only a sixth as much
national insurance (NI) as their lower paid brethren*? You could instead keep the 40% top rate;
raise
income tax thresholds so no-one on minimum wage pays <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">any</i> income tax; and have everyone pay, say, 9% NI on their
earnings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why put on the po-faced performance on television about how
little corporation tax corporations pay when you could simply change the
tax regulations with the stroke of a pen?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why not let local authorities set their own planning rules
and business taxes, and compete for business – go to Manchester or Newcastle if
you want to see how a little freedom can go a long way?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why indeed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t seek to answer the questions; there are subtleties
at play in all the queries I’ve posed that a post will simply never be able to
cover, and I’m too dim to really understand. My point is the current lot aren’t
up to the job. And <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i> means to make it work we all
have to get involved, fight for what we believe in, and if nothing else <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">vote</b> in the upcoming elections. And
every election after that. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Next time on 'Things I Don’t Know Enough About to Discuss:
Scottish Independence (a tentative yes)'<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: x-small;">*People pay 12% national insurance on wages up to £41,444
and 2% on earnings over that. This means a man or woman earning £1,000,000 a year, (paying
45% income tax and 2% NI) has a marginal tax rate of 47% and someone on <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">minimum wage</b> (paying 20% income tax and
12% NI) a marginal rate of 32%. My suggestion would change this to 49% and 9% respectively.</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-72657602060281888742013-04-28T13:30:00.001+01:002013-04-28T13:30:18.882+01:00Four funerals and a wedding<span class="fullpost">
Spring has certainly sprung here in Strumpetville. The sun is shining, the balcony is getting more verdant by the day and your Cheerful Fairy is very much feeling the benefit of the warmer days and lighter evenings. </span><br />
<br />
Fella and I are due to be civil-partnered in a shade under three weeks. It's getting quite exciting/nerve wracking and it would seem weddings have some fractal properties - behind every activity is another, and another ad infinitum. I long, gentle reader, for the days when in exchange for money goods were received and services rendered. And having enough spare cash to engage in retail therapy! But soon, my pretty, soon...<br />
<br />
Looking back on the near-four years we have been together it struck me how much of our time has been shaped by death. Perhaps an odd thought when we are preparing for the new beginning that married life represents; and at the height of spring as well. <br />
<br />
I first met Fella's family as they returned home from the funeral of his grandfather. He met most of my family at the funeral of <em>my </em>grandfather. Then of course there was the tragic loss of Fella's mother to cancer just over a year ago. Most recently we travelled to Cardiff for the funeral of Fella's uncle. <br />
<br />
All of this has taken a heavy toll on Fella and he sometimes finds it difficult to cope with grief. We will no doubt think a little of the people we have lost, the people who won't be there. I myself up to now have never really had to deal with death very much. Great grandparents faded away when I was a child, and I've been lucky there were no deaths, accidents or illness, amongst my peers. That is all. Therefore I don't know how to help Fella when he gets very depressed about his loss.<br />
<br />
I think the point I'm trying to make is that when 15 May comes around there will be an touch of bitter-sweet about it. You can never really predict how people will react but more than one person has cautioned me to be on the look out for some bad behaviour. Warnings I haven't appreciated receiving; they to add a touch of nerves. <br />
<br />
Really, birth and death will be part of our lives together and I'm sure one thing that can't hurt is focussing on the future and our lives together. Especially since Fella's sister in law is due to give birth to the first niece/nephew a few weeks after we get hitched :-)<br />
<br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-15888997408014707282013-04-01T13:29:00.001+01:002013-04-01T13:31:03.933+01:00Six weeks... <span class="fullpost"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are but six weeks to go until Fella and I have our
civil partnership. The planning and preparation, I must admit, are taking a
huge amount of time – most of our spare time now! I do not know how we would
have managed to get as far as we have without everyone involved getting on with
each other (florists, caterers etc) and having friends who are helping out with
big things like the rings, the cake, etc. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Still, the logistics are still somewhat daunting. For example,
we need to let the registrar know in writing two weeks before the ceremony if
we want to dispense with the kiss at the end of the ceremony. And the holistic
interconnectedness of all things: the colour of the flowers affects the colour
of the suit; the music we choose affects the order of the ceremony. And then
there is what we may not do: no religious symbols; we may not bring the cake to
the venue until the day of the ceremony;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>and so on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One thing all the planning and organisation has revealed is
some of the funny attitudes people have about things. I’ve touched on ‘reverse
discrimination’ before but the things people expect about our wedding, and
things around it, have been quite an eye opener. In some ways it raises the bar
for us a little [OOOO, I’ve never been to a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">gay</i>
wedding before!!] but it seems, gentle reader, that some people half expect us
to go down the aisle on unicorns and Liza Minnelli is our celebrant. Whilst
this may be true, it has been surprising discovering some of the assumptions
people carry about. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We have, much to Fella’s annoyance, been various asked about
our hen do; bridesmaids; and maid of honour. Now I need hardly point out to you
the obvious but it is startling how many people need remind that we are two
men, and as such we have entirely dispensed with the bride in our arrangements.
Yet the ability of people to add two and two and get wibble seems insurmountable.
It has proven a little handy, in that one of our friends has only been allowed
the day off work on the grounds that she is a chief bridesmaid. Not wishing to
look a gift dissonance in the mouth we’ve made her an usher. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For me, I’m just keen for people to have as much fun as
possible without getting consumed into making every last detail perfect (for
that way madness lies, wibble). It will be the people that will make it
enjoyable. That and six weeks of intense dieting. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</span><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-23727510896316134182013-03-06T20:11:00.000+00:002013-03-06T20:13:22.358+00:00Gay Marriage (my tuppence worth!)<span class="fullpost">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is 10 weeks today until our civil partnership, so we’re
very much getting into the detail of planning. Quite a lot of things to do, of
course, and plans to make. However, by and large the big details of the day are
done. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="fullpost">
<br />
</span><br />
<span class="fullpost"></span><br />
<span class="fullpost"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The day itself is of course <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> our wedding day. Civil partnerships in the UK are specifically
and legally separate but (almost, but not quite) equal. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">However, there are plans afoot by the Government to bring in
equal marriage – not gay marriage, which would be separate by fully equal – but
instead extending existing marriage rights to gay couples.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A decision that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humphrey_Appleby" target="_blank">Sir Humphrey Appleby</a> might
describe as ‘courageous’, nevertheless a few weeks ago the proposal passed the
first stage of the legislative process in the House of Commons. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The legislation had a tough ride, and the debate was marred
perhaps by some rather pompous and insensitive remarks. Among the usual <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“what next? Siamese twins marrying narwhales?”
brigade who are so far off the map (a) their minds cannot be changed and (b)
they are Mostly Harmless in that most people recognise they are frankly barking,
there were some rather more pernicious naysayers. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One argument ran that this change would force people like
teachers to act against their conscience and compel them to treat gay
relationships as equal when they don’t believe this is so. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, the previous Conservative government had no difficulty
enacting charming legislation forbidding teachers discussing homosexuality in positive
terms (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Section_28" target="_blank">section 28</a> </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">which banned <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the “<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">teaching in any [state funded] school of the
acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship”)</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">Another,
frequently made, argument was that extending </span>marriage to gay people devalues
straight marriage and anyway we have civil partnerships and those are the same.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To me this is like saying Rosa Parks was wrong on 1 December
1955 to refuse to give up her bus seat to a white man, as she was required to by law. After
all, she was still on the same bus and still heading the same place, at the
same speed as white people and in almost, but not quite, the same comfort. Now,
instead, all this civil-rights nonsense has devalued bus travel for white men!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s not a very good argument, and vanishingly few could rationally
support it. But even if they did, the argument might be said to be missing the point.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And let us not forget that ‘gay marriage’ has been legalised
in countries on every continent (if we include Nepal where the Supreme Court
has ruled it must be enshrined in the new constitution). There does not appear
to have been a collapse in morality and family life in any of those places. Nothing
that has rocked them like the recent scandals to affect a certain Church currently
searching for a new leader…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I think it is the third, broad argument – one made of
many strands - that demonstrates the blindness some people have when it comes
to gay rights and tells us how LGBT people are still not quite seen as having
the same validity as straight people. For all the arguments around religious
freedom; the value of marriage; the future of children – how can anyone who
values marriage as the bedrock of society or argues in favour of personal
freedom be logically against everyone having the freedom to enjoy it? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The future of the legislation is uncertain but I think it is
unlikely to be completely derailed. The politics around it will become
increasingly toxic, I fear. The largest party split its vote 42% for
and 46% against. If the Government’s own party can’t muster a majority either
for or against its own policy… well, there may be trouble ahead. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But we shall persevere. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</span><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-33864274230827501982013-03-06T19:08:00.000+00:002013-03-06T21:38:36.579+00:00Dissertation<span class="fullpost">
</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well gentle reader, a promise is a promise – I said I’d share
my dissertation and here it is:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<a href="https://dl.dropbox.com/u/51949972/4.%20Dissertation.pdf"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">https://dl.dropbox.com/u/51949972/4.%20Dissertation.pdf</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now, beware that this is a stripped down version of what I
submitted for marking. My dissertation supervisor wanted me to reduce it to a
summary of findings but I hope you can still follow it and it makes interesting
reading. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I myself go through quite a roller-coaster ride of feelings
toward my dissertation. I loved doing it; hated it as soon as I submitted it;
loved it when I passed; and now doubt myself when it comes to sharing. So,
please don’t judge me too harshly! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh, and I’ve done an introduction to the statistical
techniques used here: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<a href="https://dl.dropbox.com/u/51949972/2.%20Introduction%20to%20the%20statistical%20techniques%20used.pdf"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">https://dl.dropbox.com/u/51949972/2.%20Introduction%20to%20the%20statistical%20techniques%20used.pdf</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">*blush* </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">PS please don't re-publish without getting in touch :-)</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-17505964294326113162013-02-09T19:34:00.000+00:002013-02-09T19:38:04.161+00:00Mike's Alive?!<span class="fullpost">
</span><br />
<span class="fullpost"></span><br />
<span class="fullpost"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hello Gentle Reader! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yes, I’m back, from outer space. You just logged in to find
me here with these sad typos in blogspace? Well, I’m sorry I’ve been away for
so long but since ‘stepping out for a pack of smokes’ last summer I’ve been
ever so busy, and the thing about life is it can sometimes get in the way of
living. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A quick summary: I’m still cheerful, frumpy and a fairy.
Fella and I are still very much together, and still on track for our civil
partnership in May. Gypsy the goldfish and Morag the Volkswagen are still very
much alive which tells us more about their resilience rather than my tender
care. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My last post, oh so long ago, was me showing off a bit about
my dissertation survey progress. Since then I’ve written it, submitted it and
by some fucking miracle I passed it. I’ve edited it for public consumption and after
just one more ikkle read-through am going to post a link it here soon on STRICT
condition that, like all feedback, any comments are purely expressed in terms
of adulation and hyperbole. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now I’m not really one for blowing my own trumpet – I’d be
on a rather different website – but I’m extraordinarily impressed with myself.
After handing it in I went through ha phase of how it is the most awful
dissertation in the history of everything ever, but now I’ve passed I realise
it’s totes amaze balls. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">… and let that be an end to going on about that ;-)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The big news is I’ve secured a new job. With seven weeks to
go until my current employer is shut down and the new world takes over, I have
handily been appointed to that self same new world. I’ll be part time until the
swtich over in both worlds, but of course they expect full time work anyway
each so it’s a lot of 12 hour days and seven day weeks. What the hell – it’s
truly exciting to be at the beginning of an organisation that is genuinely
starting from scratch and being able to influence that and all the learning
that has to go with it. I’m sure I’ll be able to tell you more as time and
posts allow. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fella and I are still on course for the civil partnership.
Three months to go and the wedding jitters are beginning to set in! Again, so
much more to post on this. Suffice it to say, having studied physics for four years
failed to teach me that the world turns or not based on decisions about
chair-covers (bow down to the power of the Cheerful Fairy!) and that something
as simple as giving a florist money and getting flowers in return is of course grossly
jeune and naïve. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">On a final and more serious note the time I’ve
taken to compose this stream of consciousness it available to me because Fella
is away visiting his family home for the first anniversary for his mother’s
death. I’m not going because the few hours I could be there coincide with the
catholic mass they’ll be attending and I don’t think it’s right for me to go to
that. I don’t know the rites and I don’t enjoy religion so it would be
disingenuous and distracting of me to go. This of course could just be an
excuse for more to avoid an awkward situation and stick in Strumpetville like
the cowardly custard that I am. Nevertheless I am of course thinking of him and
them all. </span></span><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-5102897759634593492012-06-05T18:46:00.000+01:002012-06-05T18:46:25.734+01:00Showoff<span class="fullpost">
</span><br />
<span class="fullpost"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m quite pleased with myself, oh yes; or more accurately I
am pleased with the progress of my dissertation survey. More than 250
respondents so far with nearly three months to go until I close it, which I
think is pretty good. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Response rates are tapering off and I am considering
strategies to increase them – not least taking advantage of London Pride in
early July. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was worried that my responses would be limited in so many
ways; demographically, geographically, etc – but it seems, in general, not to
be the case.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">With so many responses I have been able to dip in and
perform some preliminary analyses, which are producing some interesting
results. I won’t bore you, gentle reader, by going into detail – yet. However,
a review of the geographical spread of my respondents suggests focussing on an
online questionnaire was the right way of getting responses, although it also suggests
going out and visiting various places also pays dividends. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As part of my analysis, and idly thinking about the structure
and content of my dissertation, I produced the graphic below to illustrate the
spread of responses. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUvsorzcCIsUAnFBvpDaxvo8ZsnKRHL6TR8-GWprl4lQpKVB7iuVtXYS0fbmJftqf9DwgcRnI57A2428dQue1ROw0rREUnVMdng2I3p8rAhBT1bIaaS-RfFKxpOdOIo47BugKfnNtJZ2qx/s1600/New+Picture.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUvsorzcCIsUAnFBvpDaxvo8ZsnKRHL6TR8-GWprl4lQpKVB7iuVtXYS0fbmJftqf9DwgcRnI57A2428dQue1ROw0rREUnVMdng2I3p8rAhBT1bIaaS-RfFKxpOdOIo47BugKfnNtJZ2qx/s400/New+Picture.png" width="383" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The white areas indicate postal districts where no responses have been received. Rural Wales, Scotland and Wessex don't concern me too much - although I am surprised that areas near London like Watford and Dartford haven't had anyone take part.</span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It's interesting, and gratifying, to see how many responses I've got from areas like Manchester, Galsgow and Ediunburgh - where I haven't visited - and Cardiff and Brighton, where I have. I also have a lot of friends to thank for spreading the word!</span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would really like to break 1000 responses, but if responses
can be kept to their long term average then I should hit somewhere around the
750 mark. If I can get 500 I will be double-plus pleased. In the meantime
gentle reader I think I done good – and thank you for your help with that :-)</span></div>
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-7097149937928456632012-05-28T20:24:00.000+01:002012-05-28T20:38:48.900+01:00Sunshine<span class="fullpost">
I can't believe another month has flown by. Where does the time go, gentle reader? Well, I've certainly been busy. I had my first exam a couple of weeks ago. It didn't go as well as I had hoped by I'm harshly marking myself down do who knows? It just goes to show how much time I need to study! This is what has consumed most of my time, gentle reader, and made me a dull fairy indeed. I hope you can forgive em...</span><br />
<br />
In celebration of fairyness Fella and I went to Brighton last weekend. The gayest town on Eurovision, the gayest holiday... Fella, who loathes Eurovision, was not amused! But we had a great time and somehow manged to get sunburn on the back of my left leg and nowhere else. <br />
<br />
Unfortunately news on the job front has been less good. I know my organisation is shutting down but it seems they are in the process of merging some departments and my job is going to be cut early. As I'm out on secondment I'm not quite sure how it works. I am ready to move on to my next career move... but I was looking at next year, not this. My adopted team like me and want to keep me so are looking at how I can stay until March (if not longer) but it's a bit of a difficult situation. <br />
<br />
The secondment itself is keeping me super busy - another reason why time to blog is in short supply. But I'm enjoying it, very much. I know I need to apply for something new soon, but it will have to wait until my exams are finished and that will be late June.<br />
<br />
The really good news is that my dissertation survey is going double plus well. I got my 250th respondent today! I'm really keen to get as many as possible, natch, so after a positive experience leafleting in Brighton for a while I'm looking forward to doing the same at Pride in July. In my heart of heart I want 1000 responses but I think as it goes I'll get 500. However, that's still a huge response compared to some of the other surveys on which other research I've seen has been based.<br />
<br />
So there we have it. Strumpetville is sunny and hot and life continues with its typical ups and downs. I hope your life is mostly up!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-12273503018755086912012-05-06T19:12:00.000+01:002012-05-06T19:14:51.266+01:00Booked it!<span class="fullpost">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, gentle reader, we’ve done it: the <a href="http://www.bexleyheritagetrust.org.uk/hallplace/" target="_blank">venue</a> is booked and
we are well and truly in civil-partnership planning mode. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="fullpost">
<br />
</span><br />
<span class="fullpost"></span><br />
<span class="fullpost"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The 15 May marks our third anniversary and one year exactly
until the ceremony itself. As I’m in the middle of exam preparation and
dissertation research it has been difficult to find time to even post about it,
let alone do anything but this is progress at last.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The next steps for us are to set up our marriage website
(some friends of ours set one up and it really helps with RSVPs, telling people
about the venue etc), and organise some save the date cards. And perhaps figure
out where the mind-bubbling amount of money it’s going to cost us will come
from. My initial estimate was less than half of what it will really cost and
our reserve fund is looking stretched-thin. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Personally I have no real objection to just trotting down to
the town hall, filling in the relevant paperwork, and taking all of our friends
out for a massive party in town for about half the money but needs must when
Fella is all romantically minded. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That of course makes him out to be Bridezilla which couldn’t
be further from the truth; and I think we are very lucky to have a venue that
is enthusiastic and helpful and will take on a fair bit of the organising (but,
importantly, not decision making) itself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We have a friend making the rings and another friend making
the cake. Fella delegated these tasks without really discussing it with me,
which is OK to a point, but fortunately I had a chat with the friend making the
rings this weekend and she is very sound about making something appropriate and
that we both like rather than going off in a creative frenzy. Cake lady is next!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The ceremony will be on a Wednesday so I am keen to get ‘save
the date’ cards out to people sooner rather than later, particularly as his
family will be travelling from Scotland and mine from Germany. There will be a
fair bit of organising around accommodation and transport, which will be quite
a large part of the budget – our plan is for any family staying over to be put
up that night at our expense at a hotel close to the venue.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One other idea that occurred to me was also around the ‘theme’
of the wedding. One of the things important to me about it is that everyone has
a good time and it is as relaxed as possible. This means, for example, that we
won’t have ‘day’ and ‘evening’ invitations but people can come and go as they
please (which also helps get around the work-day problem). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My idea is to theme it around all the fun times Fella and I
have had with the invitees – photos and momentos of holidays, nights out,
places we been and various adventures we’ve had together. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A good idea, don’t you think? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</span>
<iframe width="448" height="258" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/HGH-4jQZRcc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-28118276462728198022012-04-14T16:16:00.000+01:002012-04-14T16:22:14.916+01:00Controversy<span class="fullpost">
</span><span class="fullpost"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now gentle reader it is not often that the Cheerful Fairy
wades into the murk of politics. Very much an armchair fairy about that sort of
thing. Usually.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="fullpost">
<br />
</span><br />
<span class="fullpost"></span><br />
<span class="fullpost"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQKpI6qFVbdIv4Chf9SzBephmBNGjY3Dnbe_ooqL3sHOjilXOv9sRjdejmzYkqt1SKX9AU09UUyMlOnSNihSozeUpC2MLtK0jGKPVqbVOJ0BNtMS-4Ff5l0ancqd2EHtOEAzW225SxXnAl/s1600/some-people-are-gay-poster%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQKpI6qFVbdIv4Chf9SzBephmBNGjY3Dnbe_ooqL3sHOjilXOv9sRjdejmzYkqt1SKX9AU09UUyMlOnSNihSozeUpC2MLtK0jGKPVqbVOJ0BNtMS-4Ff5l0ancqd2EHtOEAzW225SxXnAl/s200/some-people-are-gay-poster%5B1%5D.jpg" width="141" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Over the last few months Stonewall has been running ads on
the side of Strumpetville’s shiney red buses “some people are gay: get over it!”.
A very simple and effective message, and part of a campaign that is
complemented with posters and leaflets and T-shirts etc. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But that is of course never the end of it. A counter
campaign has been formulated: “not gay, ex gay, post gay and proud. Get over
it!”. These were also due to be plastered on our shiny buses, right up until
yesterday the Mayor had the campaign stopped. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-17706866" target="_blank">Ensue much hullabaloo</a> and stroking of beards, oh yes indeed.
</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm7eJoQPgvfTMzAEG0dawlB_XLgq0J9GjuhG5y2pv1aoKWJhL_Ef_-8yHU94Jg55gFEKuyayZaBvg54uF-gpd1X6r6WSlbxznl23AdhpqFSjFXpyoKFObbtSN9VuuMk8n5UCa4wKiHEE41/s1600/_59639362_59639361%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm7eJoQPgvfTMzAEG0dawlB_XLgq0J9GjuhG5y2pv1aoKWJhL_Ef_-8yHU94Jg55gFEKuyayZaBvg54uF-gpd1X6r6WSlbxznl23AdhpqFSjFXpyoKFObbtSN9VuuMk8n5UCa4wKiHEE41/s200/_59639362_59639361%5B1%5D.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A group called the Core Issues Trust, supported by <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglican_Mainstream" target="_blank">Anglican Mainstream,</a> The largely
unsought battle between religious faith and sexual orientation continues apace,
it appears.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So what’s the issue? Well, the nominal reason is the
suggestion the ad promotes gay cures. We know, I think, that <a href="http://gaylife.about.com/od/religion/i/ex_gay.htm" target="_blank">such ‘cures’ are utter rubbish, and if anything actively cause a lot of harm</a>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Does the advertisement itself claim to offer, or support, “gay
cures”? No, not really. But I think the man in the street would reasonably infer
that such a thing were possible, or at least that sexual orientation is
mutable. And we cannot ignore both Core Issues trust and Anglican Mainstream
focus on offering gay cures. Certainly the advertisement goes further than
arguing, as <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2129340/Gay-cure-bus-advert-Homosexuality-IS-departure-norm.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">this article</span></a> in the Daily Mail suggests, that homosexuality as an aberration
and as such we gayers need to “get over” our 'agenda'. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Advertising Standards Authority, the regulator of advertisements
in the UK, has come in for much criticism for not banning the ads itself. But
should it? I used to work for the ASA and grapple with issues such as these. It
is implausible to ban advertisements because you disagree with their content or
message in principle; but on the other hand you can be so offensive that in
limited instances freedom of speech can, and should, be restricted.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The ASA cannot arbitrate on this before an advertisement is
run. Such a thing is <em>censorship</em>. If after seeing an advertisement someone has
grounds for complaint, that complaint should be fully considered and a decision
made in favour of one party or the other. That is what regulators do; they are in
the business of disappointing people. Not protecting them, on the grounds of
some moral code nobody agreed, from things they might not like.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The timing of the
advertisement, and the decision to ban it, can also not be ignored. The Mayor
is running for re-election on 3 May, and up to now the campaign has been a mud-slinging vileathon with no debate about real issues. Of the party (right of centre) that is the main
partner in the unpopular national coalition government, and one that is consistently considered to
be<a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/news/poll-shows-voters-think-of-tories-as-sleazy-1391870.html" target="_blank"> sleazy and nasty</a>, and in an incredibly diverse and largely left leaning city…
I strongly suspect he’ll have swung some of those swing votes. Being sued by
people who are to me clearly a hate group (although I’m sure they sincerely don’t
see themselves as such, take out the words gay or homosexual in what they write
and replace them with black of Jewish and see how it reads then) won’t hurt
either, methinks. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cynical? Perhaps. But should then the advert be run? Well,
freedom of speech is a right for those who understand, as all sane adult men
and women do, their responsibilities. We must think before we speak, and
sometimes consider whether we need to speak at all. So it can’t always be
absolute.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If I were Mayor of Strumpetville – or better still, king and
tyrant – then I would let the advert run, but publicly and loudly voice my
disagreement with its message and my view of those behind it. I would use it as
a reason to keep equality, rights (and obligations), tackling hatred, and proper
education about sexual health sand orientation high on the list of social
priorities<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the meantime we have to accept that there are those who
disagree with, or simply hate, homosexuality, and this must be tackled through
open and honest debate. It creates climate of fear that stops people freely
living their lives. Those, like the Anglican Mainstream or the Daily Mail, who
clearly have an agenda all their own that is closer to something far more right
wing and pernicious than sleaziness or nastiness must not be driven underground
or simply banned. They have to be shown to be wrong.</span></div>
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-35079318843157914432012-04-07T20:05:00.000+01:002012-04-07T20:05:13.024+01:00There's a time and a place<span class="fullpost">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Unbelievably Fella and I have got off our pert arses and
actually started planning our civil partnership.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="fullpost">
<br />
</span><br />
<span class="fullpost"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Immediately off on a rambling tangent – Fella calls it the “wedding”
and that we are getting “married”. I call it registering a civil partnership;
because that is what it is. So there. But if you are 'interested in
participating in the UK Government’s consultation on giving us cheerful band of
shirt lifting fairy types the upgrade, then you can do so here: <a href="http://homeoffice.gov.uk/equalities/">http://homeoffice.gov.uk/equalities/</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We have visited a few venues near to where we live: <a href="http://www.tudorbarneltham.com/" target="_blank">TheTudor Barn in Eltham</a>, <a href="http://www.english-heritage.org.uk/daysout/properties/eltham-palace-and-gardens/" target="_blank">Eltham Palace</a>, and <a href="http://www.hallplace.org.uk/" target="_blank">Hall Place</a> in Bexley. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now, we love Eltham Palace, but we can’t really afford it –
and we’d have to change our plans to accommodate the venue which I get a bit
sniffy about considering what they’re asking.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Tudor Barn is highly affordable and quite nice in its own
way… but it didn’t set my world on fire. It’s not likely to be the place we
pick.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO2RPvVlIVQosBb946te6z9E23ddR2-COrEBtQyBDqijf1JqDl2MbJGF7JJMVbTeCFKrPffcYXBipCFHLT32ctEwkD5L31Jkmy4Z9zMHr1P8EK-RTS686-vzy3HPo3Tdv-4P_WXcFZWztb/s1600/2376.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO2RPvVlIVQosBb946te6z9E23ddR2-COrEBtQyBDqijf1JqDl2MbJGF7JJMVbTeCFKrPffcYXBipCFHLT32ctEwkD5L31Jkmy4Z9zMHr1P8EK-RTS686-vzy3HPo3Tdv-4P_WXcFZWztb/s320/2376.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hall Place, however, is the Goldicocks venue. Affordable,
beautiful, available, and enthusiastic about us being wedded there. The accommodation
is just right and very flexible. And they appeal to our innate laziness by
pretty much throwing everything in to the price, including the flowers. They have
a nice package where they corral the suppliers, but we work with them each
individually to meet our requirements which is just great. There’s even a hotel
next door. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I write ‘everything’ I of course use the word quite
wrongly; they won’t do the cake or the rings, which Fella has farmed out to
friends of ours – and the results of this I await with some trepidation…<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Anyhoo. Because our families will be coming from Germany and
Scotland, and our chosen day – our anniversary – happens to be a Wednesday so we
think that the numbers will be quite small. Our initial guest list is about 60
something, and it may be many of them won’t be able to take the time off. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFjH38_NNnlEEwZeEFYLf07-MVbq2-v6LVsd8-TABDC9X3Me5Ss9JPz5FZAgruETDvz1_enBWKOjI0u0K7bnonpvtwU0pYSymtPFP-kvtq4fpplGp9qXYbmXlAtjYJODDmn0dpJAyCYD3G/s1600/2371.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFjH38_NNnlEEwZeEFYLf07-MVbq2-v6LVsd8-TABDC9X3Me5Ss9JPz5FZAgruETDvz1_enBWKOjI0u0K7bnonpvtwU0pYSymtPFP-kvtq4fpplGp9qXYbmXlAtjYJODDmn0dpJAyCYD3G/s320/2371.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">What we’re planning is an afternoon ceremony, and then a
meal, drinks and dancing and then people can totter off in their own good time.
At least that way people will only need to take half a day off work, and people
can join us in the evening if they wish.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The next day… honeymoon. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We might look at one or two other places but I think we’re
going to settle on this one… Have a look and tell me what you think </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m already thinking about the invites, what we’ll wear and
sending out ‘save the date’ cards. What the hey; a project manager civil
partnering an events planner – I think we’ll do alright. In the meantime Fella
and I will be living like hermits for the next year to pay for it!</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-34561246348786936152012-04-07T20:04:00.002+01:002012-04-07T20:04:40.200+01:00186<span class="fullpost">
</span><span class="fullpost">Looking at the stats each and every year the number of posts I write goes
down. Partly it's because I've achieved much of what I set out to achieve; and
there's only so much you can post about that. Partly it's because I've been
busy. Done a master's degree, dangnamit! <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span class="fullpost">
<br />
Still, I want to continue this blog. I'm wedding planning, and Fella and I
have a lot of life experiences ahead which are totally unprecedented for both
of us; and of course there's a reasonable chance I'll fuck it all up and I'll
be back at square one, slightly the frumpier for it. <o:p></o:p><br />
<o:p> </o:p><br />
<br />
Nevertheless, I've decided to do something that may appear
counter-intuitive, and that is start another blog. It will run for a few months
alongside this one, but will be focussed on my research for my dissertation. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<br />
The idea appeals to me because, as part of my research, I should keep a
reflexive journal, the function of which will be to record my experiences,
thoughts and ideas as I go forward. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
For example, I've had 186 valid responses to my questionnaire so far but a
huge proportion - nearly 50% - are under 25. No problem with that, except it
means I can't easily correlate behaviour with life experience for the simple
reason they haven't had many! They've had plenty of sex drugs and rock and
roll, but not too many kids, not too much of an income and PhDs, civil
partnerships and mortgages will be thin on the ground. However, homophobic
bullying in schools is really coming out as an unexpectedly major theme around
which I will need to do a lot of background reading and self-directed learning.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<br />
Also of concern is that I’m not getting any black respondents at all. This
is clearly partly due to the way I’ve marketed my research, and I need to think
about how best to address that. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<br />
Oh, I could go on and on… but I don’t think it quite proper, or of enough
general interest, to do so here. Hence the other blog. My idea, simply, is that
the feedback and comments I’ve had on my own blogged life experiences have been
so valuable from you all, I could gain a lot from people’s views of my
experiences doing my research – just as feedback from those who have taken the
questionnaire has helped me tweak my questions.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<br />
186 though – I’m pleased to get so many in just over three weeks. In my
wildest dreams I imagine bursting through the 1000 barrier by August. We shall
see, gentle reader.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<br />
In the meantime, if you are at all interest, my other blog is <a href="http://socres.blogspot.co.uk/"><span style="color: blue;">http://socres.blogspot.co.uk/</span></a><o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<br /></div>
</span><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-21626133589862534362012-03-29T22:22:00.000+01:002012-03-29T22:22:06.941+01:00Small awkward world...<span class="fullpost">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Back in the day, when I blogged more frequently and had more
interesting things to post, there were interesting things that happened to me
that I would post about. This of course does Fella a disservice; but it is far
more interesting to read about someone’s adventures in and about Strumpetville
with a motion toward exploring sex and sexuality than it is to read about
dinner parties and mild middle-classed angst. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="fullpost">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Anyway, sometimes the world rolls around the past comes back
to bite you in the bum, to coin a phrase.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Weirdly, this is another of those occasions that involves
work. Why not, I suppose? Work is a big part of my life and I’ve always managed
to avoid sleeping with friends whilst being lucky enough to make friends out of
the occasional lover.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Way back when I briefly dated a guy who I met via Guardian
Soulmates. The site itself is, in my view, a rather expensive way to meet the
usual round of short term bijou boyfriendettes and one-night stands. Fun, but
not really worth the money. At the time I had decided to try and dial things
back a bit and find someone a bit saner. He lives in Hertfordshire and liked to
tour abandoned nuclear bunkers. Bingo! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This particular guy spectacularly binned me in front of my
friends at a Eurovison dinner party. I just wish he hadn’t eaten my food and
drunk my wine before he did it. He did apologise later. I burned everything he
left behind. Fair enough. No real harm done; I hope he’s doing well and is
happy. Honest, guv.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Anyway, this is the guy introduced me to the good old
fashioned gay sauna. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the following months and years I did return from time to
time to explore those mazes and steam rooms. I won’t lie – rule 5 (and 9) is
there for a reason. I had fun. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The problem with fun of a certain type is that you don’t expect
it to come out of its box and follow you around. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yeah, you’ve guessed where this is going. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m pleased to be part of the LGBT group at work. Another
guy who has joined recently is a German (yay) guy who, while a little older, is
absolutely my type and works hard to keep it so. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, I recognised him and he recognised me; from a sauna,
back then and back there. It’s difficult, and awkward, to say the least, to try
and build a professional relationship, and in many ways common cause, with
someone the top of whose head is the thing about them you remember second best.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The thing about is all, is not the salaciousness of it all –
such as it is – but how to get over the awkwardness and build a working relationship
with someone it turns out I really quite like. We both have partners, and there’s
no way there’s a spark there. Mind you, I so wish I had not put any weight on
between then and now, and I’m going to be a gym slave for a while yet…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think I’ll have to fairy up and try and have a casual chat
with him tomorrow to clear the air. I hope I can make it work. This kind of
thing isn’t my forte. Stay tuned.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-78986076490102118902012-03-27T13:55:00.001+01:002012-03-27T13:55:25.027+01:00Confidence<span class="fullpost">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve always been an introvert, and painfully shy in social
situations, or when meeting new people. Afraid of coming across as a bit of a
dickhead and generally lacking in the social graces even when I have stepped
outside of myself and spoken up, I’ve ended up over analysing it afterward and cursing
myself for being such a fool. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="fullpost">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m told I was always pretty much like this; ‘never’ cried
as a baby, never fussed in the supermarket or was particularly naughty. I
always was happy by myself, playing in my room or with my head in a book. And
being raised in an environment that can be best described as one of benign
neglect I thrived academically but did little else. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I was 14 we moved to Wiltshire and I started a new
school. My parents’ marriage disintegrated within a year and neglect went from
benign to virtually total. A combination of no parental guidance, peer pressure
and raging adolescent hormones – plus a slow emergence into a not at all bad
looking youth – set the scene for some uncharacteristic naughtiness. I made
friends who have been my friends for 20 years, had thoroughly good adventures
and made a point of pretty much saying yes to everything whilst also keeping
enough of a head to maintain my academic credentials. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the end no matter how much I drank, what else I took, how
often the police brought me home or whether or not the injunction banning me
from all National Trust land is still in force, none of it changed who I am.
But the experiences that I had and the people I was with made me begin to
appreciate who that person could be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Soon, gentle reader, I will have been in sunny Strumpetville
half my life. I have had a successful career to date, and this blog relates
well enough another journey I have made. Yet in what should very much be a
well-earned summer of my life, I find myself yet again pondering why I am
virtually crippled by an appalling lack of self-confidence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am an introvert, still, and that is no bad thing, although
<a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17510163" target="_blank">the modern world is all about those with personality and not us keepers of the unlovablevirtues</a>. Fella understands I have the space and time I need to read my books,
tend my garden… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Still, the issue harms our relationship. How can he be happy
or fulfilled being with someone like me? I do keep testing or challenging his
sincerity and I worry one day the shine will come off. That is my biggest fear.
But also I find it difficult to consider going for a promotion – what have I achieved?
Am I really worth promoting? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In an effort to tackle what I perceive to be a very risky
and fragile state I have been casting about for some self-help resources. One
book I have been reading recently in particular has been quite useful. It’s
named <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Whats-Stopping-You-People-Potential/dp/0857081721/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1332852835&sr=1-1" target="_blank">“What’s Stopping You” by Robert Kelsey</a>, and man who describes himself as
having overcome some of the same issues I describe. It’s a good primer for
books like “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” so is worth reading for
that. But also he does seem to have the measure of me!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In his book he describes me and those like me as “High Fear
of Failure” and we manifest this by setting impossible goals so it doesn’t
really matter if we don’t reach them; <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and how we avoid going into situations, social
or otherwise, because we don’t recognise that we all fail a lot of times and in
many respects that is a positive learning experience too. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The book also expands on the helpful “where will you be in
five years’ time” angle by exploring how those goals can be broken down into
the tasks needed to get achieve them; getting started on those tasks; and - ultimately
– what’s stopping you?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t like the “blame the parents” excuse. Nor do I think
a book is the answer to what ails me. I do know, however, I need to man-up and
confront these issues because cute they may be in a teenager, they lack a
certain charm in a man approaching (in a few years yet) middle age.</span></div>
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-558275904885384422012-03-23T19:45:00.002+00:002012-03-23T19:45:39.394+00:00Five<span class="fullpost">
</span><br />
<span class="fullpost"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Can you believe it gentle reader? Five years since I started
this blog. We’ve had some ups and downs in Strumpetville that’s for sure. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fella and I have had our ups and downs, but believe it or
not we’ll have been together for three years in May – more than half the time I’ve
been posting. He unaccountably seems devoted to me despite getting to know me
rather well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I suppose determination pays off. As I’m well into my
mid-thirties I suppose I came late to sexuality and was acutely aware of my
window of opportunity – yes I know it’s really shallow but that seems to be the
way it is out there. I think I made up in part for lost time and met a fair
number of characters along the way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve been lucky – not too much hassle, heartache or horror
to get to this point. Don’t get me wrong, if I had my time again I’d be out a
lot sooner – but then I’d need my experiences and the validation I’ve had to do
it, so maybe not… Fella and I have been good to each other, careers are doing
well, fabulous friends and even close families. I’ve even lost a little weight…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now, five years down the line it is time to acknowledge the
importance of taking that next big step.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yes, it’s time to grow up. *sigh*<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">By trimming the excesses of my social life my health has
improved to the point that today I was discharged from my hospital consultant’s
care; I really need to keep at it and accept I’m getting a bit too fat and old
to go out boozing like I used to. Career’s too need work, rather than
blundering along with a pinch of talent and a teaspoon of luck… and the same is
true of relationships, friendships and money…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Work work work. Oh dear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All work and no play makes Cheerful a dull Fairy. Yes, there has to be
the social side and that could use some effort too; but at least that will be
fun.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So here it is then: five years, five promises to myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I will keep working to achieve my target weight
and now give up in the face of minor setbacks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I will let go of worrying about petty details
and small things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I will stick to my savings goals.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">4.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I will set about getting a new job.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">5.</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I will focus on continuing to grow a well-rounded
human being. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just in time for spring </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now to celebrate with a glass of wine<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-49038970498253642542012-03-11T18:28:00.004+00:002012-03-11T19:02:36.802+00:00Research<span class="fullpost">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You may remember, gentle reader, that I am doing a research
degree in public policy. I am nearing the end of my studies now, and in fact
only have a few lectures left before it’s all done. Studying, classes,
projects, revising… they all keep me busy. I’ve loved it and it’s really taught
me invaluable skills and opened up my horizons. Bargain. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="fullpost">
<br />
</span><br />
<span class="fullpost"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course there is one element left – my dissertation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is very important for me to do my dissertation research
on an LGBT themed topic. Having tried to do my projects and essays on
LGBT-relevant areas I’ve been amazed, and somewhat frustrated by the lack of
data out there. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It seems general social research isn’t exploring how the
issues it tackles affect LGBT people, or where this is done it isn’t done
consistently. This means different research can’t easily be compared because
different questions are asked, or there aren’t enough LGBT people taking part in
a research project to make populations comparable. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So where does my dissertation come in?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I posted a while back about wanting to look at the
behaviours of men in civil partnerships to see if they tended to display less
risky behaviour. I wanted to use the data collected by sigma research who do a
fantastic sexual health survey. They collect the data, but don’t look at that
question themselves. Sadly, whilst acknowledging it is an interesting question they
refused to share their data with me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So, being me, I decided what the hell-crap-damn – I’ll
collect my own data. Ha! Take that wise, and experienced researchers! <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My dissertation proposal has been signed off, although I am
looking at a wider range of life experiences to see how these impact on
behaviours and social attitudes. I’ve started an advertising campaign using banner ads on some LGBT websites,
and flyers to hand out, which mean I should reach about 250,000 gay and bisexual men. With luck
that will get me at least few hundred responses.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m very very excited and can’t wait get my hands on some
data to get modelling. It should all be done by the beginning of September and
in the meantime while people are completing my online research questionnaire I
will be doing a lot of background reading which will have the added advantage
of expanding my horizons about issues affecting gay people. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It would be remiss of me, of course, not to plug my research
questionnaire… so if you are a gay or bisexual man, or a man who has sex with
men – and you are resident in the UK – then you are more than welcome to take
part at </span><a href="http://www.shrodis.com/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">www.shrodis.com</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">. It’s completely
anonymous and every response is appreciated </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuGd8ZxkRg6SJMcmcbayXHUhpC_zlIFxi3Rt0K6gnC8nE7h-pNuF0chF5diPM0mQkGVniukOUxU3whY0QqAFbPAeo8zz0mToawIFcM6jooclPXImEwOCWR_rv7xHfWJ-Jpxofabam2MZD8/s1600/shrodisad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuGd8ZxkRg6SJMcmcbayXHUhpC_zlIFxi3Rt0K6gnC8nE7h-pNuF0chF5diPM0mQkGVniukOUxU3whY0QqAFbPAeo8zz0mToawIFcM6jooclPXImEwOCWR_rv7xHfWJ-Jpxofabam2MZD8/s320/shrodisad.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-17874133996828468702012-02-21T20:26:00.001+00:002012-02-21T20:30:31.114+00:00February<span class="fullpost">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Time is marching on gentle reader, and it is time for
another postcard from Strumpetville.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="fullpost">
<br />
</span><br />
<span class="fullpost"></span><br />
<span class="fullpost"></span><br />
<span class="fullpost"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Where is your cheerful fairy at then? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Life goes on – except for some of course it doesn’t. Since
Fella’s mother died we have had, as is to be expected, our ups and downs. At
first he really was very very down but I’ve tried to keep him busy and he’s
been very active in organising the funeral, which will be on Thursday. He also
has set up a website organising donations to the palliative care team that
looked after Laura at the end. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When he’s been at his lowest I have been quite at a loss on
how to console him, so it’s been a relief to have something for him to focus
on. The funeral itself, I realise whilst typing this, will be tough on him and
I think this coming weekend will be another tough one. Of course these things
take time. Sometimes I feel – yes, me me me - as bit of a shit as I can’t –
just cannot – take time out to really be there for him. That means for example
Fella will go up for the funeral tomorrow, whilst I will arrive bang on the
start. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Laura passed at the weekend before I started my new role and
in the middle of essay writing for college. College is on its final stretch;
once the essay is done, then it is exam time and then my dissertation. The
pressure is on. Fella understands the demands but I sometimes feel his is a
bereavement widow, and the double whammy – despite a very real foundation to
our relationship being mutual support as we develop into the people we aim to
be – fills me with guilt. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fortunately my new boss is the head of the LGBT group where
I work has had experience of this kind of thing and has been a very good source
of advice. And of course friends have been double plus supportive, so once
again my gratitude runneth over. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The wheels of life begin to turn again. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fella and I went out for our <a href="http://www.ridinghousecafe.co.uk/" target="_blank">belated Valentine’s dinner</a> – as an aside you can imagine how much I adore going out with someone so
good looking that four waiters serve him whilst I am studiously ignored *huff*.
We did some serious civil partnership planning, which largely consisted of us
conceding our initial budget plans were wildly optimistic. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">No doubt there will be more to on all this AND MORE to blog
about in the near future… the list of things to tell you gets ever longer! Stay
tuned<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="252" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/UJtB55MaoD0" width="448"></iframe></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-91018885767263615462012-02-13T20:49:00.000+00:002012-02-13T22:25:56.599+00:00Laura<span class="fullpost">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On Saturday 11 February 2012 Fella’s mother, Laura, passed
away. Her liver cancer progressed more speedily than anyone anticipated and a
couple of weeks ago she began to deteriorate rapidly. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="fullpost">
<br />
</span><br />
<span class="fullpost"></span><br />
<span class="fullpost"></span><br />
<span class="fullpost"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Realising she might become frail, but not anticipating that
she would pass on so soon, Fella’s father encouraged both him and his brother
to make a visit to see her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For myself, pressures of college work made me say unless
things were truly dire I would not be visiting that weekend, but of course I
would support Fella in whatever he chose to do.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The week progressed and, yes, things began to look pretty
dire. Fella went up on the Friday afternoon, and I drove up on the Saturday,
arriving at midday. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">By co-incidence the palliative care nurse was leaving, and
the rest of the family had gone out to do some shopping, and possibly to clear
their heads. However Fella was there, and together we sat with Laura while she
rested.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was quite shocked when I saw her. I had anticipated her
being her; just asleep. Instead she was clearly very frail and poorly. Almost
literally a shadow of her former self. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not know if she was conscious or not. Her eyes were
partly open and her mouth moved a little but there was no sound. She was cold
and she did not move at all. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The comment that all of us made, being with at that time,
was <em>THAT</em> wasn’t <em>her</em>. That was not the woman of bottomless heart, limitless
intellect and rapier wit who worked tirelessly to keep her family together and
welcomed me despite her deeply held religious views.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">However, it <em>was</em> her body, slowly slipping away, and within
an hour of my arrival, with the family around her, she had passed away, a
transition so peaceful we really couldn’t be sure exactly when it happened. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was, thank God, peaceful and relatively comfortable. I am
grateful for that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">She passed away so unexpectedly that there had been no
arrangements made; no funeral home, no thought of bank accounts, emails, and
the minutiae and details of loose ends and things to tie up. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The hardest thing for them all was the sympathy. People so
often seemed to want the family to comfort THEM. Fella’s father found that the
most difficult thing. Fella dealt with most of Laura’s side of the family,
persuading people to cancel the visits they had been planning as there was now
no point. Not until the funeral…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That will be in a week, perhaps two. Fella will help with
the arrangements; particularly as he and Laura were so very close. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He’s taken it very hard, has Fella. They really were close…
for me, I’m just trying to keep him active, keep him doing things, so that he
has a chance to get over this tragedy without getting overwhelmed by it.
Certainly today he was incredibly down. This will be a huge challenge for us
both to get other and it will take time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</span><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Q-Gljs8Y3Q8" width="560"></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-42108896230589385402012-01-30T20:56:00.000+00:002012-01-30T20:56:03.167+00:00The Good Wife<span class="fullpost">
</span><br />
<span class="fullpost"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In mid-February I start a new secondment in the Chief
Executive’s office of the organisation I work for. It’s great to have a new
opportunity – I will be focusing more on corporate governance and risk management
rather than business management which will be a good change. A sideways
promotion, if you will, and perhaps the nicest thing is I will be working
directly for the head of the LGBT group, who has been double-plus supportive of
me and other gay colleagues in the office.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s only nine months, but I’m very much looking forward to
the change of setting, work and pace.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course I still need to do my project, dissertation and
study for my exams, so it will be tough to manage but I know with Fella’s
support I shall be able to manage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fella of course needs my support too, both with the physical
and the emotional side of looking after his mother, and also with his own
career.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He is on secondment too, of course, and he is doing very well
in his role. He’s such a sweetheart it’s nice he can work to his strengths and
capabilities as well as being uber-popular in his own office.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Part of supporting him is playing the good wife; where he
works has lots of social and work events and it is politic to be there to
support him and hob with the nobs. It’s a bit like being a politician’s wife;
smile and wave, smile and wave… although as we both work in healthcare I can hold
my own with anyone there. I enjoy it, but I have to be pretty and witty and gay
regardless of my mood! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This weekend it was the highlight of the season, the annual
ball. I went the whole hog and bought a new DJ for the occasion. As this is the
third such occasion I’ve been to I saw loads of people I know; a lot of the
people Fella works with have become good friends. I’m told the cheerful fairy
was on top form, which is good. They do like the keep the wine flowing at these
things… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I really do think it is a strength of our relationship that
we are mutually supporting each other’s careers; and I’m very proud that I’ve
been able to support fella in getting his career going well. Admittedly I am
pleased that I get paid more than him, but every little helps as we plan for
our civil partnership and our life after that. Of course we have to support each
other in lots of ways, but really I do enjoy hanging off his arm at a do or
two. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-31866821903449592732012-01-16T20:39:00.001+00:002012-01-16T20:39:48.893+00:00Happy New Year<span class="fullpost"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yes Gentle Reader I fear I have neglected you for most of
January. But the Cheerful Fairy is back in Strumpetville, and more than happy
to discuss my favourite subject – Me.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="fullpost">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Have I been idle? No, far from it! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have submitted by dissertation proposal form to my
university for my research project; I’ll write more about that soon – my first
meeting with my department head is on Wednesday, and while alongside the
regular study and work it will be a big challenge, it’s a topic I’m very keen
on – yes it is gay themed – and I’m eager to get started. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have started my medication regime and I’m back at the gym
so I’m pleased to write my health is getting back on an even keel. My New Year
diet is going well, although I fell off the wagon rather at the weekend for a
friend’s birthday.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On top of this I have been applying for new jobs and had an
interview last Friday – I’m pretty sure I didn’t get the job but hey-ho it’s
all good experience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Work continues busy and I’m eager, obviously, to move on to
my next career step. However, while I’m there I’m still an active member of the
LGBT group and we’re working to celebrate </span><a href="http://lgbthistorymonth.org.uk/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">gay history month</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> in February.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fella continues fine and we are as strong as ever. Domestic
bliss reigns. We socialise with our friends; we enjoy each other’s company; the
wedding planning continues at its slow pace. We have our synergy – he cooks, I
eat; I diet; he loses weight. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are down sides. Fella’s mother is increasingly unwell.
Her liver cancer is terminal and over Christmas it was clear she is going
downhill. Caring for her will be a big part of our year. However long she lasts
– and of course we will have to think about changing the date of our civil
partnership to take into account, bluntly, how long she will be around and healthy
enough to attend. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">All in all there’s lots going on in 2012, and lots will
happen. So, to finish off this breathless guide to an average man’s life, I
have decided simply not to have New Year’s resolutions. Nope. Why write something
down I can look at in 12 months and go “ah. Forgot about these…”? Instead I
will keep trying to be the best me I can possibly be. This will include
resisting the temptation to set fire to my office. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUetHQsbTuZ2fRBJ3vZ0mcLdaZ8_gXCMRGzDw0a2c5WPbhlBC6Omk4yji7J1KPzjtlmUl7LM3AV4rOQm3cTnQ9-yeArCKEOOd7JIRWqqI-fBz0LaRGjmRUv_v-7lvPFdpuICaB2YJ1WE9o/s400/happy_new_year_gay_lesbian.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUetHQsbTuZ2fRBJ3vZ0mcLdaZ8_gXCMRGzDw0a2c5WPbhlBC6Omk4yji7J1KPzjtlmUl7LM3AV4rOQm3cTnQ9-yeArCKEOOd7JIRWqqI-fBz0LaRGjmRUv_v-7lvPFdpuICaB2YJ1WE9o/s320/happy_new_year_gay_lesbian.jpg" width="320" /></a>
</div>
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-53728913692000819682011-12-28T21:23:00.000+00:002011-12-28T21:23:08.842+00:00Meme<span class="fullpost">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Ask me no questions…<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="fullpost">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I got this meme from <a href="http://mybizzareworld.blogspot.com/">Nik theGreek’s excellent blog</a>. The answers are honest, sometimes embarrassing and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>probably quite average – not unlike myself. I
don’t do enough memes, so if you know of any you think I might like to fill in,
please let me know… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Here goes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">1. How old were you when you knew you were
gay?</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
I recall first feeling I was gay when I was 14 and I honestly fancied a
specific guy rather than just being confused. I know he liked me too, as we
fooled around a little, on and off, for about three years – we never fully consummated
our mutual adolescent attraction, but I remember him very fondly sometimes
wonder where he is now…<br />
<br />
<b>2. Have you ever had sex with the opposite sex?</b><br />
Yes. I have even had a couple of girlfriends, of whom one is still a good
friend. But it’s been a while!<br />
<br />
<b>3. Who was the first person you came out to?</b><br />
The person I came out to properly first was one of my closest friends, ‘A’.
After I met Darren I got tired of some people knowing I was gay just ‘cos I
didn’t pretend and others kinda not knowing. So we went to the pub and told her
I had started dating him. The doors infatuation opens! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">4. Are you out to your family?</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
Yes. Everyone, now. <br />
<br />
<b>5. Do you want children?</b><br />
No, but the idea has its attractions. Still, I know the kind of work that’s
involved and strongly believe that if you are to have a child, that’s what your
life has to be about… and I want my life to be about other things. So. Selfish
me; no kids. <br />
<br />
<b>6. Do you have more gay friends or straight friends?</b><br />
I don’t know. Close friends - it’s a good mix. Acquaintances – mostly straight.
<br />
<br />
<b>7. Were you out in school?</b><br />
No. I didn’t want to get killed. <br />
<br />
<b>8. Is your best friend the same sex as you?</b><br />
No.<br />
<br />
<b>9. If your best friend is the same sex, have you ever had sex with them?</b><br />
N/A<br />
<br />
<b>10. Have you ever done crystal meth?</b><br />
No; though I did hook up with someone who was on it…. We… haven’t kept in
touch. That, and quite coincidentally hooking up with his boyfriend (strangulation
fetish!), would make an interesting post one day. <br />
<br />
<b>11. Have you ever been in a sling?</b><br />
No. But that’s not quite the end of that *fond memories* <br />
<br />
<b>12. Have you ever done a 3-way?</b><br />
Yes. I have always enjoyed such things very much, but always was careful to be
the ‘guest star’ in such arrangements. <br />
<br />
<b>13. Have you ever dressed in drag?</b><br />
No. I have GREAT legs though… and I’m told there are photos of me at a recent
drinks outing wearing a VERY fetching shade of lipstick indeed *blush*<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">14. Would you date a drag queen?</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
Yes; and I have. I didn’t know he was a drag queen when we first started
dating, but when he told me I thought it was fantastic. That was shorty after I
broke up with International – c.f. he took the first opportunity to head for
the hills LOL. He, the drag queen, didn’t think I was really over intenrational, so didn’t really take our
budding relationship forward which was a shame, because we really liked each
other.<br />
<br />
<b>15. Are you 'fixed in your ways' as it were?</b><br />
In some ways. I’m quite – c.f. very – introverted but once I loosen up I like
to enjoy myself and I’m quite open minded. My Myers-Briggs personality type is
INTJ which I’m told makes me open to whatever the clearest and strategically
best frame of mind might be, <br />
<br />
<b>Original 15. Are you a top/bottom or truly versatile?</b><br />
I’m top/versatile.<br />
<br />
<b>16. Cher or Bette?</b><br />
Hmmm. Ask Fella. <br />
<br />
<b>17. Have you dated someone of a different ethnicity?</b><br />
Yes. More than once. Nothing long term.<br />
<br />
<b>18. Been to Fire Island? Saugatuck? Key West? Ft. Lauderdale? Palm Springs?</b><br />
No. Most outrageous destination was a nudist beach in Spain with International.
I’d go back; via the gym, mind you.<br />
<br />
<b>Original 18. Have you ever barebacked?</b><br />
Hmmm. Not sure I should answer that. Which, of course, means yes. <br />
<br />
<b>19. How many Madonna CDs do you own?</b><br />
None. Fella has, quote, “five or six”. Enough for both of us. <br />
<br />
<b>20. Name of your first love?</b><br />
Well, the guy I talk about in answer 1; or Darren.<br />
<br />
<b>21. Do you still talk to them?</b><br />
No. Never. <br />
<br />
<b>22. Does size matter?</b><br />
Ah… well, I’ve discussed that before. Bluntly, yes, but not as much as people
might think, and actually I’ve had fun with all kinds of people of all shapes
and sizes. I’d never reject anyone on those grounds; and have never thought
afterward it wasn’t worth hooking up with someone due to that. <br />
<br />
<b>23. Biggest turn on?</b><br />
A good kisser… oh yes. There is also a special area on my neck which, if
reached, drives me completely <em>INSANE</em>. Plus I always enjoyed that physical feedback where
someone appreciates and responds to your… best efforts. <br />
<br />
<b>24. Biggest turn off?</b><br />
Overly negative people. Glass half full darling! <br />
<br />
<b>25. Ever been harassed due to your orientation?</b><br />
Yes. Fella and I have had a couple of hairy incidents; and sometimes colleagues
make comments that are not much appreciated. Not been physically attacked or
anything serious; so I think we’re lucky. <br />
<br />
<b>26. Worst gay stereotype that applies to you?</b><br />
Hmm. My response to that would have to be – what’s a gay stereotype? If gay
people can be put in a series of pigeonholes than I don’t fit any of them, or
better still I fit some of them all the time but to varying degrees depending
on a range of factors. Tell you what – show me some living female, black, or
Jewish stereotypes and let’s compare notes. <br />
<br />
<b>27. Ever been to a pride rally?</b><br />
Yes. Love them<br />
<br />
<b>28. Would you marry if you could?</b><br />
Yes.<br />
<br />
<b>29. Would you rather be rich and smart or young and beautiful?</b><br />
I’d rather be a younger and more beautiful me. If I could be that young and
beautiful forever. Evidently I can’t. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">Actually, scrap that superficial answer. I’d rather be
ME, but the best me I can be. Including the best looking me of course. <br />
<br />
<b>30. Do you sculpt your eyebrows?</b><br />
We lift and separate from time to time.<br />
<br />
<b>31. Do you trim your body hair?</b><br />
There are certain areas of a gentleman’s garden I find it prudent to keep in
check. I don’t shave it.<br />
<br />
<b>32. Ever had sex with more than one person in a day?</b><br />
Yes. <br />
<br />
<b>33. Ever been to an orgy?</b><br />
Yes. <br />
<br />
<b>34. Which character in "The Women" best reflects you?</b><br />
Can’t tell you. In that I don’t know.<br />
<br />
<b>35. Favorite gay expression?</b><br />
Erm… nothing springs to mind.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">36. How may 'exes' do you have?</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
Well, Darren and International make two fairly long term-ish relationships but
I’ve dated some other guys who were special enough to be exes. The real number
is probably in the region of five or six. It depends on your value of ex I suppose. <br />
<br />
<b>37. Do you believe in fairies?</b><br />
Only cheerful ones.<br />
<br />
<b>38. Do you have any tattoos?</b><br />
No. Fella won’t let me. Though I’d love to…<br />
<br />
<b>39. Do you have any piercings?</b><br />
No. Fella has a few. I don’t like the idea for myself.<br />
<br />
<b>40. Would you date a smoker?</b><br />
I do. <br />
<br />
<b>41. If you are male, do you know many lesbians?</b><br />
Yes, both as good friends and where I work.<br />
<br />
<b>42. Do you know anyone who has died from HIV?</b><br />
No.<br />
<br />
<b>43. Are you part of a gay organization?</b><br />
I’m a member of the LGBT network at work. <br />
<br />
<b>44. Is your gym cruisy?</b><br />
No. Shame.<br />
<br />
<b>45. Grinder or Scruff?</b><br />
Crikey – neither. Those days are behind me.<br />
<br />
<b>46. Are your best years behind or in front of you?</b><br />
In front. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">47. Got Porn?</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
I like a couple of websites and explicit blogs I drop in to from time to time;
but nothing stored. People give Fella porn as an in-joke from time to time.<br />
<br />
<b>48. Make out music?</b><br />
Nothing really. <br />
<br />
<b>49. Ever been in love with a straight guy?</b><br />
I’ve fucking fancied loads, starting with my best friend’s brother when at high
school right up to a couple of cute guys in my office.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In love? No.<br />
<br />
<b>50. Did you ever have sex with him?</b><br />
I’ve fooled around with a couple of guys while at University. Nothing heavy,
and we weren’t in love. <br />
<br />
<b>51. Have you ever been to a nude beach?</b><br />
Yes – see 18<br />
<br />
<b>52. Have you ever been to a bath house?</b><br />
Yes<br />
<br />
<b>53. Ever had sex in public?</b><br />
Yes. <br />
<br />
<b>54. What gay gene did you miss out?</b><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ah, that goes back to the stereotype thing doesn’t it?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Happy New Year ;-)</span></div>
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-554171686671881662.post-20374861617967233942011-12-27T21:08:00.004+00:002011-12-27T21:08:46.009+00:00Christmas<span class="fullpost">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fella and I are back from Christmas with his family, and if
you’ll forgive me gentle reader, now the in-laws have been done, I’m looking
forward to some relaxation and general enjoyment. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="fullpost">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We went to the in-laws this year, as last – the disadvantage
of having my family being abroad! I actually get on with them very well, and I’ve
been welcomed into the family in the most touching way. Nevertheless, it’s
sometimes a struggle and this year as much as ever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fella’s mother has terminal liver cancer and she is clearly
deteriorating very fast. His father reacts to this with extraordinary anger,
and certainly 2012 will have to see Fella supporting them a lot more and me
supporting him doing that. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On the plus side it was great to see my brother- and
sister-in-law again – for the first time since their wedding - and when all of
us were together we had so much fun. I was given a book on art deco and a
lovely top from Fella. I gave him a wine and cheese tasting evening (with a
friend) in January and a wash-bag which he can use in his new role as event
manager, which takes him all over the country. The others got a book, or for my
mother-in-law a kindle voucher as she spends a lot of time in hospital… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There was more food than we could eat – yeah, that’s
Christmas – and a lot of the gifts centred on chocolates and biscuits and fine
coffees; that was my father-in-law buying on <em>his</em> mother’s behalf, and i am touched she included me on the gift list, canny old bird that she is. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now we’re back. After a couple of stressful days I
practically jumped Fella when we got home... but that’s another story. Now, in
the few days we have until we return to work in the new year I’m looking forward
to some quiet relaxation, seeing friends and generally taking advantage of the
break. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This year really has had its ups and downs and in many ways
I’m looking forward to it being over. It hasn’t been bad, not at all; but there
are so many things to do that 2012 needs a run up. I’m actually really looking
forward to what might just be the (second) most important year ever ;-) and
this Christmas is almost a sabbatical from the challenges ahead, no matter how
much I relish them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ll post about what needs to be done in 2012 in the New
Year , and I will certainly be relaxing until then, so let me take this
opportunity to wish you all the best for the festive season; my thanks for reading
about my middle-classed wittering about my ordinary life; and the hope that <em>your</em>
2012 will be your best year so far; but not your best year ever!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0