Wednesday, 11 June 2008

Pondering.

I worked extra hard yesterday and managed to pull of a little coup that will make my life a lot easier in the future, so when one of my ‘regulars’ invited himself round for a bit of fun that evening I thought there was no better way to celebrate.

This is the second time I’ve been with someone since I met Mark (he knows) and I suppose I should think about what's going to happen next with that.

Now, I’m equally happy to be in an open relationship or with monogamy – I just expect honesty and genuine commitment (whatever that is). So ironically, if my fella strayed while we were in a monogamous relationship it would probably mean the end; but if we were ‘open’ I think I’d quite enjoy hearing/sharing (maybe reliving) the juicy details!

However, it turns out Mark does want a monogamous relationship, so at some point, possibly – hopefully? – quite soon, I guess I’ll need to pack up my profiles and put my bed-hopping days to rest.

But, then what to do about the guys I’ve been seeing on and off for ’fun’: ‘T’, ‘W’ and, for want of anything better, the one I'll call New ‘V’? All already have boyfriends of their own, so I guess they can’t complain if I get one for a change!

‘T’ is great and really treats my like a prince but only sees me when his actual boyfriend is away; I’ll miss him when we part. ‘W’ is in a sexless relationship and we meet up very occasionally – it sounds terrible, put like that, but we are friends too, and are often in contact without the other thing, so I guess he and I can be just friends.

New ‘V’ doesn’t treat me like a prince at all and he is very very naughty indeed. I practice on him and he gets to practise things most definitely not on his boyfriend’s approved-list (Yes, there we have it, gentle reader, I’m a total slut), so I suppose he’ll happily move on to the next guy when I stop seeing him.

Well, if Mark wants monogamy I surely can’t demand honesty and commitment, and keep seeing these guys. But until I’m sure this is going somewhere I’m not quite ready to take the plunge. Yet, on the other hand I don’t want to have a Big Talk and demand too much of Mark too soon; instead I’d prefer to wait and see, ideally without being too pathetic and needy. Mark’s had one boyfriend or another since he was 17, and I obviously haven’t, so I feel I’m playing catch-up to a certain extent. When is the right time to become exclusive? Do I secretly want to have my cake and eat it? Cognitive dissonance, anyone?


This is the film we're going to see on Friday...

3 comments:

PinkExpat said...

Dates/potential boyfriends tend to be like London buses in my experience - you have a long period of nothing and the suddenly a couple come along at once. I am someone who knows what I want - a monogamous relationship. So I never feel comfortable about "parallel dating". After a few dates, I feel I need to make a decision and only continue with one guy.

You state that he knows that you will be sleeping with someone else - but do you really know what he really FEELS about this? If it were me, and I had made it clear that I was only looking for a monogamous relationship, then after
our 3rd or so date together I would want to have THAT talk.

But if you are not "sure this is going somewhere" when you have this talk, then it will not be an easy decision to make. I have been around the block countless times with many men, so my sleeping-around phase is long gone, but if you have not been in a serious ltr, then you may not know what you MAY be turning down.

I wish you luck whatever your decision.

P.S. I have just started a blog, so take a peek if you want.

Monty said...

I have to agree with pinkexpat - once I've been on a few dates with a guy and I like him, I tend to go exclusive.

The funny thing is, when it's the right person that you're with, it's not a big sacrifice. Despite all the fun you've been having (and it sounds like lots and lots of fun!), if Mark is the right one, all the sex in the world can't make up for being in a committed honest relationship with a fab guy like him.

But at the end of the day, only you know if he's the right one, or if you still need to play around.

Whatever the case, please keep us updated! :-)

Big hug!

J said...

your blog is like a fabulous twist on sex and the city. i love, love, love it!!