Angst

I need relationship advice, plain and simple. Governed more by head than heart, and having very limited experience of this kind of thing, I’m completely lost at sea.

Friends and family offer the familiar ‘just be yourself’ line; well, OK. How? Well, OK… stupid question - but I can't just go by instinct. It really would be nice if there was more concrete advice out there. I found one decent site last night (now linked on the right) – well, at about 4:00 this morning because I had a pretty sleepless night – which advises enormous blouses like me to think about dating goals, and what the other wants from a partner. That’s all good, but I need data to analyse, pick people’s brains over…

Wednesday’s post probably wasn’t very clear. I do think Mark and I have a future, but I don’t want to repeat my usual trick of becoming totally infatuated and then very quickly realising I’ve made a mistake, or accidentally ruining everything by coming on too strong.

Catch 22 – trying too hard to avoid the appearance of trying too hard.

You see, by not letting myself become infatuated, and thus deluding myself into thinking everything’s perfect, I’ve not given myself the usual angst-avoidance tools. So now I have to confront my lack of relationship experience. If only I had the vocabulary to express my feelings to him simply, and the insight to recognise what he might need from me. If only I had enough experience to be confident that he does like me, and be relaxed in that knowledge.

It all comes down to why I came out in the first place; not sex, but love. I must confess in my mind I've caught myself referring to Mark as 'Darren'; good sign or not??

Well, cinema tonight, then dinner (my treat), and then… Further updates as events warrant. Writing this has helped - reading it back to myself my heads says chillax ;-)

Between now and then: a long bath, glass of wine and, for a change, the boat to town tonight, as a treat.