Friday, 24 October 2008


Another cracker of a week over with gentle reader. I still have some work to do over the weekend but phew! It took 10 hour days with no lunch but it’s done. 11 minutes ahead of schedule no less.

Being so busy means the weight is just falling off (76kg now!) and in fact if I don’t stop now I’ll be under-weight having lost 15 kg, or 33lbs, in 7 months. People are beginning to comment and I must admit I like the lean look of me; so much so I embraced dress down Friday and wore something more figure hugging. I just felt like showing myself of a bit - I'm still trying to get those before and after pics together ;-)

Anyway, I’ve been with International now (for a given value of ‘been with’) for five weeks and three days.

Yes, I see you rolling your eyes “oh, how bourgeois - another post about His Nibs”. Is it? Or is it? Well, read on and find out.

When thinking of my history over the last few months this tends to be the point the wheels fall off the wagon for me. The fact he and I spend hardly any time together, for reasonable reasons to be sure, is I think in part the reason for things being absolutely wonderfully fine. But in other ways it’s deeper than that.

Over the last year - being almost exactly a year since Darren and I started - I have come somewhat full circle and am a lot clearer on what I want from a relationship; any long term relationship. And that is pretty much the whole move in together, ‘marriage’, mortgage, fidelity thing. Perhaps regular readers will find that odd. I hope not. Of course an open relationship remains a possibility but I would indulge the openness to the fullest degree and what of the relationship then?

Yes, the proper grown-up bit is what I want – almost desperately want. As I’ve suggested before it comes from coming out quite late. Focussing on academia, career, etc at the expense of relationships, and, vicariously, family and friends has (now that I have come out and am on the right path) left me with a modicum of doubt and fear – I have a lot of catching up to do. Do I have the time to make the mistakes and learn from them that others had? Of course I have corrected the biggest mistake of them all: I’m here now. I’m learning to make the most of it!


Monty said...

I know what you mean having come out quite late in life myself. You feel like you've got to do it all and there's not as much time to do it. Just relax and let whatever happens, happen. :-)

czechOUT said...

Would you consider a slightly more unconventional route? What about setting up home with International and his partner, becoming a real menage a trois?

I often wonder why we should adhere to normal societal conventions.

In practical terms it makes perfect sense. Financially perhaps too. And it's much easier to arrange for the repair man to come round...

If not, where do you see your future with I? Is it experience for the future or is there a real chance that he might leave his current partner to start afresh?