Friday, 10 October 2008

Bricks and Mortar

My street, my actual street, suffered the greatest percentage fall in property values in all of London. Luckily I rent; considering my investments in other areas, gentle reader, that may be particularly wise!

I had my first ever counselling session on Wednesday (I also had my second hepatitis B injection, and have been suffering horribly with side effects for the last two days). The counsellor is nice older gentleman and we spent the first session in a ‘getting to know you’ style. His office is remarkably close to mine and session two will apparently focus on safe sex. I hope it won’t be a “this is how to put on a condom” thing as I’m somewhat past that. In fact the only little niggle I have with the first session was his failure to accept the fact I practise safe sex and throughout my whole life have more than 90% rate of guaranteeing a crop failure when sowing the wild oats. And of course so much better than that since I’ve come out too; there is little virtue in dwelling on my ancient sins.

So the jury’s still out on that one; but in other areas not so much.

On Thursday night I went to das Boot to meet a good friend and former colleague – who herself has had a rough time recently but really sounds like things are looking up. Anyway, during a boozy night International called but it was a very stilted “hello, how are you?” conversation and it left me feeling somewhat at a loss. But when I stumbled in that night, he had sent me a very long romantic message and this is a portion of what he wrote:

I just wanted to say… that I really want to see you again. We left everything hanging up in the air in Spain and I really did not like that. I don't claim to know what we are doing; I certainly don't know what I am doing. Having said that, I suspect we may have something worth exploring. I hope I am not mis-reading the signals... God knows I am new to all this… and am not much of a catch with all my "baggage."

And my reply, after a night of misery and a day of contemplation… of course I’m going to see him again. Of course I am. I am a fool and I am weak I don’t whether it is more stupid to put myself in a position where he’ll break my heart; or to do knowingly nothing to control when it happens. I read this back to myself and perceive how I must seem to you gentle reader. But I am a stupid, weak fool who hopes to have the sun shine on his heart just a little while longer…

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