Thursday, 28 August 2008

Grazie

I love the comments and feedback from people who read this blog. These comments, I find, often challenge my views and help me reassess my perspective.

My personality type a la Myers Briggs is Intuitive/Introvert (though I have become much more extrovert since coming out it must be said). This supposedly means I am: original; driven; purposeful; organised; critical; independent; demanding; determined; and have an ass that won’t quit. Well, maybe the last one isn’t part of the Myers-Briggs constellation. But my strongest trait is Thinking: I base my decisions on logic, objective analysis, and deliberation upon cause and effect.

The kind of guy for whom the road to love is destined to be smooth, n’est pas?

Anyway, the comments I got on the previous post gave me some sort of foundation to begin the Thinking process and I decided that instead of excoriating Gareth across the ether I would send a more measured response to bridge the gap between last night’s unpleasantness and Sunday’s, well, unpleasantness:

Hi. I’ve thought about it and I’m still not clear on what you were trying to say last night; I don’t know whether you’re dropping me or you want to take things slow or what? I have a lot to say so do think about what you want, and want to say, and I’ll wait to hear from you.

The truth is I really don’t know whether he’s saying that this is the end; but my Thoughts are that anyone who has sufficient doubts to raise them at four dates/one month isn’t aiming to be Mr Happy-Fun “panting love slave” Boyfriend.

And that, at the core of it, is what makes me angry; I feel really hard done by that instead of taking things as they come, seeing how things go and giving things chance to grow and evolve (because I really was trying) I’m in a position where things have to be measured and defined and pigeon-holed. Comments give me a more rational basis on which to move forward, and for that I am grateful.

I also remain fully committed to not hanging round like a lovelorn damsel waiting for her errant knight to return, and to that end I did have a good trawl on gaydar, and breakfast on Thursday was a rather attentive Portugese architect built to a very high specification indeed. Yummo! And I had dinner/drinks with a great friend (my fabulous former boss in fact) that did wonders to cheer me up. AND I’ve begun a series of blisteringly flirtatious emails and texts with a guy from OUT.

Memo to self: is that a phone in your pocket or are you just in a surprisingly good mood to be here?

PS found a great blog today that, annoyingly, seems to be written by a rather better and more articulate version of me. Hate him already; check him out.

4 comments:

Monty said...

Yes, English does write a good blog, but it is no better than yours. Each person writes their own experience and that's what makes a compelling blog. I love reading your blog. Keep it up! Big hug!

P.Brownsey said...

A couple of things make me wonder whether you've said enough to Gareth about what *you* want and are leaving him in uncertainty. In one posting you said something like, "He knows how I feel, I think," and I found that "I think" curious: I mean, are you just leaving clues? And in a message to him you said you had a lot to say but seemed to be waiting for him to place his cards on the table first.

Why not be entirely upfront and tell him explicitly how you feel and what you want? If it turns out he isn't really interested after all, you might have lost a bit of face or think you have, but does that matter? At least you'll know where you stand. The alternative may well be losing him because you never got around to speaking up.

czechOUT said...

Yes, I recently discovered English too, after looking at my referrals.

Like I said b4. You are ever so humble.

ps p.brownsey. I'm sure Gareth is in no way uncertain.

Mike, what d'ya think?

Mike said...

I think that's good advice so, as you'll have read, I did act on it - but Gareth himself did acknowledge I was open about my feelings and 'keen'; possibly too keen (if my posts are anything to go by!) so yes I think it's a good idea to be clear - in a nice way - but I think there was little room for misapprehension on his part!