Monday, 11 August 2008

Good advice

It is time, gentle reader, to tell you about Nick.

I dislike drama and complexity in personal affairs; this I think comes from my family for whom discord was bread and strife butter. It also is one of the reasons – a minor one though – that I delayed coming out for so long. Because, Lord knows, being a gayer can be quite complex. For example:

Nick is a neighbour of mine – that is, he lives in the same apartment complex – and yet another man whom I met through OUT. We’ve known each other for a wee while now and he’s always made clear how much he Likes me, though nothing had happened. Until now that is...

Nick and I had a long boozy lunch in my flat on Sunday; we get on famously as we have similar personalities and share the same sense of humour. So after dinner we were going to sojourn to the sofa for more wine when my neighbour (quite unexpectedly) plants one on me. Because I’d had a lot to drink, and because I’m weak willed and stupid, I responded. And there was a lot of kissing on the sofa and one thing led to another and…

Afterward we watched a film together and talked and we’re going to have dinner again today and talk some more; and I plan to tell him about Gareth then too. I have to say that Sunday was really quite romantic – the way he seized the moment, the way we lay in bed talking for hours. He knows how to turn a boy's head and no mistake!

This is now a really tough situation for me because I still don’t have the smarts or emotional maturity to deal with it but the absolute last thing I want to do is hurt someone and I dimly perceive the risk of that here. So I’m not really sure what to do.

I’m not going to argue that there’s some way of having my cake and eating it; and I’m not naïve enough to think I can have two guys on the go at once. But I am still surprised when someone ‘likes’ me so find it really difficult to say no. After all, what if no-one ever likes me again? However much I like Gareth - and I really do - he insists that we’re not boyfriends and we’re still getting to know each other. But then I can hardly cling to something I was unhappy about as a get out of jail free card purely because it suits me now. On the other hand Nick really is just as nice as Gareth in many ways and on balance there is little to distinguish between them in the totty-stakes.

There was I trying hard to avoid comparisons with Mark; talk about frying pan/fire. But therein lies the rub gentle reader; I am going to have to choose. And stand by that choice. Be A Man Dammit!

This is an area where my new found ‘gay’ friendships have come to the fore; one friend in particular whom I contacted to seek his views has given me some good advice (if anyone else has any please feel free!) and our conversation went something like this:

Friend: You are terrible Muriel. At least you have two guys liking you. Before my boyfriend I was single for 5 years with no interest! Just don’t let them find out about each other!!

Mike: Yes I guess I'm very lucky though I bet you had some interest - you're too good looking not to! I guess I'm too used to guys going off me quickly to have thought about having two fellas. I do like Gareth but then I've just... oh, too much confusion!

F: Well do what your heart says is right... but don’t lead anyone on - if neither of them is expecting anything and you haven’t promised anything, well, you aren’t doing anything technically wrong.

M: This is the thing - I'm used to interest from guys being very short term and the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone; there is the potential for hurt feelings and a strong chance I end up with no-one!

F: I think maybe you have to give Gareth a time frame and by then decide if you want to commit. My only concern is that if Gareth was really special, you wouldn’t involve yourself with anyone else. I appreciate you're flattered by the attention... but that might be something to think about?

M: It's funny because already I think Gareth is special and today's shenanigans haven't changed that. Hmmm.

F: Well if Gareth is on your mind… I think only you can decide what to do... but you might have a 'talk' with him before too long if you want him for keeps...

M: I think you're right - I should have a talk with him. Time to see where things are going! You're a wise man :-)

F: I wouldn’t say wise! I think, as horny as you are... maybe you need a man detox for a bit. Stick with Gareth and if you find you are good being with just him then stick with it. If not... spread your legs and get on with it till someone chases you and pins you down and says they want you to be theirs.

Memo to self: you are a dirty little cat.


Monty said...

You are a dirty little cat - but I can't fault you for that! But I DO agree with your friend. Neighbour man sounds lovely but Gareth sounds like the ONE that you're really into. Give him a chance. :-)

PinkExpat said...

Personally I would go for Gareth at the moment. I think you do need to talk about Gareth about what you really feel now for each other, timeframes and the issue of monogamy (and, no, that isn´t a type of wood!) between you two at the moment (again with some idea of a timeframe).

With Nick I would probably be 100% honest with him. Dependent upon the outcome of the conversation with Gareth,tell him that he is a really nice guy and you do like him but that you are currently seeing someone else and you want to see how it works out with him (i.e. Gareth) before starting something with someone else.

Good luck.

peter said...

Next time you talk to Nick stay sober, and let you heart decide.