Thursday, 28 August 2008

Best laid plans

Gareth travelled back today from a long weekend away, so I wanted to make our date/meeting this evening as hassle free [and special] as possible for him. However, when we spoke this afternoon Gareth instead wanted to meet in town, and a bit later than we had discussed before; I reluctantly agreed, and in fact I was at the time a bit disappointed because I was secretly looking forward to snuggles and the rest at Chez G!

Anyway, Gareth and I met on the South Bank (Benugo’s this time) and we had a couple of drinks and he seemed quite affectionate, and I thought the evening was going really well. But then, about 10pm, my world came crashing down.

Gareth seemed quite on tenterhooks all evening, and kept saying how this was the fourth time we’d met, etc. And I thought that things were going to take a great leap forward – but sadly not.

It seems Gareth is uncertain and consumed with doubt about whether or not he and I could build a relationship. He wanted to let me know now so I wouldn’t get hurt later, allegedly. He said he regretted the fact we’d gone to bed on our first date. Charming.

In fact he was articulating himself very poorly and presumably my rapidly evolving demeanour did not help the words trip off his tongue. I tried to press him on whether he was saying he didn’t want to see me again, but he would not be drawn. Instead he’s going to think about things and call me on Sunday. Or maybe we’ll meet up. Oh joy.

In truth I can’t decide whether I’m more angry or upset (I’m a lot of both right now). To have someone essentially try and set out that he couldn’t decide if I’m too unpleasant to keep seeing as my, apparently regrettable, sluttishness was getting in the way is pretty galling. To have him do it whilst holding my hand is something else.

It’s all I can do not to call, text, or email him to tell him exactly what I think of him right now. Normally that isn’t a problem for me; I have my pride! But this time: well, thank God for brand-spanking-new Rule 4: let no man take away your dignity.

I did make clear to Gareth that I’m not willing to sit in Limbo while he makes up his mind (and in that I am quite sincere). I know he’s going to drop me on Sunday, so what’s the point? What annoys me particularly, though, is that I’ll be analysing and conjecturing all the way from can to can’t until he deigns to get off his arse/cloud and make up his mind. And quite possibly beyond…

Memo to men generally: much as we appreciate cock, it would be even better if you grew some balls as well.


Monty said...

Doh doh doh doh doh!!!!! Believe me when I say, I've been there before! The constant frustration of thinking that you may have found "him" and then the let down when he says that he's not right for you/not ready for commitment/too busy for a relationship right now/blah blah blah...! Drives you insane! Best remedy I have found is just getting back out there and shagging your sox off! And then, just get on with what you've been I soooo wish we were in the same city, I'd love to chat to you in sound like me maybe 12 months ago. Big hug!!!

PinkExpat said...

Sorry to read this Mike. I do not think that having a "couple of drinks" helps when having such a conversation - it may give peoole the guts to say some things that they couldn´t 100% sober, but it can also lead to a lack of clarity. And it doe snot help if this is in a crowded bar.

Do you really 100% know that he will end the relationship? Or are you doing the thing that I used to to - expecting the worst so that you are not dissappointed. The problem with this is that it sometimes becone a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Did you get a good explanation as to why he has doubts about the relationship? We can all have romantic ideas about sex only after a certain number of dates, but if it happens, it happens. My longest relationship, of 3 years, was where we had sex on the 1st night - so that does not mean a relationship is doomed to failure.
You write that he is concerned about your "sluttiness". We all have a past, and you need to concentrate on the future and, if you can, assure him that you ARE ready for a 100% monogomous relationship (if you are ready for one), because he is the right guy for you.

I would try and not see the glass as half empty. I would suggest that you meet up Sunday in a quiet environment without booze - perhaps in a park or on the Thames embankment or at his/your home. And REALLY take about how you are feleing about each other and the relationship.

Good luck.

Syafeeq said...

oh no. i have to applaud you for being out there and not give up.

as for me, i gave up and preffer casual encounters for the time being :p

am sure you will find one if you look hard enough.

czechOUT said...


I think all will be OK.

If it wasn't meant to be it wasn't meant to be. That is, no matter what you did or didn't would have made no difference to the outcome, whatever it may be.

Don't change how you are or how your instinct tells you to be. Be yourself.

If he wasn't the one, he wasn't he one.

Still, it is worth asking why. But you can't rely on his honesty. There is often another agenda.

Your experience and instinct will make you the best judge.

Don't go for this "afraid to commit" excuse. It's often a front. Between you and I, does he have someone else he just can't let go of and plays in between? As sincere as people may be, it's often the way.

good luck Sun, ahoj

and there will be someone better, more suited.