Tuesday, 20 May 2008

Go to your room...

…and think about what you’ve done

Monday saw me stricken with my illness so I barely rose from my bed all day. Fortunately I did get a few bits of paperwork done and I forced myself to eat properly, check my emails etc – the day wasn’t a total write-off. I even phoned my mother (“Now that you’ve decided to be gay, have you been making lots of new ‘friends’?”).

One of the nice things is that it gave me a chance to keep in touch with ‘Q’ and we’re meeting up on Thursday to go to a vegetarian Indian restaurant he knows. I do hope he isn’t totally vegetarian; I really, really like my meat. If I do end up with a vegetarian I can see myself joining ‘Meatdar’ and disappearing of an evening to have encounters with burgers and steaks…

Writing of encounters, I sometimes feel that there are many prospects on the horizon, and sometimes that I’m in a desert. The weekend was obviously very busy and I enjoy online-cruising very much. The hope of finding someone; the thrill of making arrangements; the anticipation of meeting; kissing; touching;… passion…; etc. I also enjoy dating; meeting someone for dinner drinks etc to get to know the person without some pre-arranged physical intimacy.

Today, however, I feel somewhat adrift. What a difference a day makes! My mood is not helped by the fact Harry and What’shisname are both contacting me, and not in a ‘let’s be friends’ way; Harry in particular is checking up on me two or three times a day, badgering me to call him as soon as I’m well so we can, in effect, give it another try. At first that was sweet. Now it’s really annoying! Early days, though, so presumably things will all calm down given enough time.

Coincidentally a daytime TV show called “The Wright Stuff” that I occasionally enjoy discussed sex on a first date. I have often enjoyed relations on a first date (quite apart from casual assignations), and in truth I’ve had some great nights, and lots of fun but it hasn’t got me too far. But I agree with the expressed views of the panel on the show that sex is always there in the background in any event (as the whole point of the date is to appear attractive to the other) and how things go depends in part how much pressure we put on ourselves, and in part on our ability to be honest.

After yesterday’s laziness I must busy myself getting things done, especially as tomorrow I feel like having a ‘me’ day – if it’s nice I shall go out, have a coffee al-fresco and read the papers. Thursday is dinner with ‘Q’, Friday I’m seeing Lord of the Rings with my friend ‘D’, and Saturday is going to be Eurotastic…

Not for the office!

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