Sunday, 15 March 2009


Terry Pratchett is one of my favourite authors. These days he talks mostly about his Alzheimer’s. Repeatedly. There’s a bad joke in there somewhere… Once, however, he wrote about vampires.

Unlike humans they do not have children; yes by feeding they create new versions of themselves. But by living forever can never hope for a legacy that a normal family life might bring. Every vampire is essentially a competitor to every other vampire. Every non-vampire a potential victim. The vampire’s only comfort is the power he can exert over others. That is what he wrote.

I know it is unfair to use this as an analogy for gay men, but it is pretty brutal out there it seems. From sex to dating to love and relationships it really is quite difficult. Every one of us competing with all around us – trying to meet some criteria, fulfil some stereotype; be the popular one; the pretty one; the one having the most sex… and being second is not good enough.

It’s enough to make me give serious thought to going back to women. Honestly. Boobs seem pretty attractive right now.

Last night I went to the theatre with MadeInScotland, another blogger, to see Spring Awakening at – he had a spare ticket and very kindly offered it to me. It was a fantastic show!! Yet in return I bored him with my dating woes and obsessively checked my text messages to see whether Thursday’s date was going to confirm a second meeting on Sunday [which he did not!].

Is that any way to behave? No. Of course not. Here I am turning into some insecure needy slave to texting and dating and building my self esteem from some other feckless guy.

It is this week’s dates that have driven me to my current state of fury. Surely – and this is where I have to suspend temporarily my reticence about being sexually explicit - in any rational society being given a blow job in front of Buckingham Palace would be seen as a milestone on the road to boyfriendage. Surely, I say again; surely being asked out for a second date on Sunday might not one reasonably expect, for instance, a second date on Sunday?

Well, I’m genuinely at a loss. I must ask, gentle reader, am I to become a victim or a vampire? This post is a morass of questions and rage. And incomprehension. Why, oh why, is it that it has to be either casual sex or love at first sight? Oops, another question.

I want a boyfriend! I want to be in love and to be loved and while I know that’s not easy I’m not some obsessive panting love muffin only validated by my relationship status. I look OK; have a great job; brilliant friends; an active sex life; my own business; am part of my local community; and have so much to look forward to. And offer. I just want a boyfriend too.

Rule Seven, men: Rule Seven!


Antony said...

It's a shame about Terry Pratchett, and I'm glad her is raising awareness about Alzheimer's.

But on to the topic at hand...

I don't beleive every gay man is like a vampire. And here's why:

1. Not everyone competes with everyone else. (I most certainly do not and nor have I ever. I simply am myself. If I happen to meet somebodies criteria (as I seem to have with David), great.

2. Gay men, like all other adults have issues they have picked up from life. I believe some gay men do use sleeping about or their relationships like a vampire (sucking the life out of the man they are with - no pun intended) rather than dealing with their issues and keeping them in check. I deal with my issues and keep them in check and use the support of my friends, family and boyfriend to do this.

3. The label "gay man" is a crap label that gives the sterotype. I personally hate sterotypes as I'm sure vampires do.

But then again maybe it's just me? I don't the majority of the time full fit the labels I'm given.

My advice (after what is probably an incoherant rabble filled with spelling mistakes - can't spell tonight!):

1. Be glad if a date doesn't work out. Surely if a man can't be assed to get in touch with you to confirm basic arrangements, what is he going to be like in a relationship?

2. Consider were you are meeting these men? A friend of mine (who I assure you is much wiser than me) said would you ever expect to meet your Mr. Right in a gay club? Packed with young gay men, flirting which progresses to sleazing as the alcohol flows in to the night? Probably not.

Just suggestions. With love always,

A x

Mike said...

I know it was unfair, but I just had to get my rant off my chest; and my next post will show why! I like the label "gay man" anyway; it's not a stereotype - it's what I am. Hurrah!