Monday, 9 March 2009


I’ve been thinking about Rule One lately. While it has been pleasant not to break it on my recent dates (fat chance, famously/most recently) and it becomes more important as time goes on, the fact is… I like my causal fun too.

Truth be told I am looking for, in a life-partner, a sexual partner who is experienced, broad minded and assertive; experimental and uninhibited. Sort of like me, but more so. I basically have, in the back of my mind’s eye, this ideal of someone chaste and uninterested in the smutty side of gay singleton status – but who is also a right dirty goer in the sack.

I suspect many of us are similar about potential boyfriends, or would like to hold ourselves to that ideal no matter how often the devils in our nature shout down the better angels there within. Hence Rule One’s importance.

Being a member of many dating websites, and the occasional cruising site too, I have sometimes come across the profile of the same man on more than one site. One prospect in particular has always given me pause, though otherwise perfect, purely because I have seen his profile on both gaydar and Soulmates. Somehow it matters he has used the same photos on both.

Why is it that I’m so hypocritical? Oh no, I couldn’t possible date a man who likes to fuck! But I might like to fuck him… What a silly attitude to have in a place like Strumpetville. In a nutshell it would seem fruitless to look for the unfriendly in a friendly town like this – though I will note my success at finding them to date!

I really don’t think I’ll find Mr Right until I’m willing to accept that no-one’s perfect and no-one fits that ideal; not even yours truly, gentle reader. This ideal in my head must be tempered with some measure of reality, because (as any engineer will tell you) alloys are stronger; bronze not copper, steel not iron!

Yes, I must try to accept imperfections as part of what makes him special; and in return overcome and address my own deficiencies because – as a very good friend advised once upon a time – I shouldn’t really replicate the traits I don’t like.

Perhaps it all comes down to not liking things in others because when we look into their eyes we see nothing more reflected than what they see in us.

And to that end I have decided to move on from the events of this weekend, by going onto parship; finding the five guys between 30 and 35 with the highest compatibility rating (not less than 70%); and sending them each a contact request.

Who knows? Maybe one of them will be imperfect enough to be just right for me.

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