Politeness

Sometimes it doesn’t surprise me that gay men are stereotyped as bitchy and superficial; there’s a huge amount of pressure to be and look and act a certain way. This doesn’t make things easy on the dating scene, and can be a bit of a challenge when out looking for something more… casual too.

Recently a couple of guys with whom – separately I might add – I’ve had assignations got in touch to say they had a nice time. I thought this was particularly nice and it was much appreciated. Even if there are a no plans to meet again – and in one instance I was asked out a date though I politely declined – I thought it was very thoughtful to do that. It just shows that while we may like sex, it doesn’t mean we’re bad people.

Conversely, people whom I have politely said “thanks but no thanks” to have proven somewhat persistent and I’ve found it hard to deal with. There are only so many ways once can say ‘no’.

Therefore I can see why people ignore messages from those they don’t want to hook up with. The online cruising world is surprisingly competitive; though manners cost nothing there isn’t the time and the space to chat when you are on a mission!

Speculatively I do wonder whether this all generates a feedback loop where guys pretend to be something they are not – lie about their age, post outdated pictures on their profile etc. In turn guys become more hard-hearted and impolite because they have low expectations of others; he is probably lying so why be nice? And the cycle begins again.

I myself have always tried to be completely honest, and am surprised when that in itself is remarked on as a rare [and precious] quality. And one of the things that has annoyed me is being stood up (it has happened, though mercifully rarely) or abandoned in the middle of an otherwise promising discussion because a brighter prospect turned up.

I can only hope that Mr Right comes to Strumpetville soon, to take me away from all this… actually, I am still having my fun though dates have eaten up my casual-man-fun time recently. Nick (my neighbour-with-benefits) and I have been seeing a bit more of each other recently and a local guy I hooked up with a early in January is becoming a regular visitor so I suppose I’m enjoying a bit of R&R from the cut and thrust of online cruising.