Wednesday, 25 March 2009


As I tell you why my date today did not occur, perhaps you will see why I devised Rule Seven. Or you will think me harsh and selfish. Use the comments to let me know; please.

This morning my date texted me to explain that he had family visiting and therefore at best we would only be able to have a quick drink. Wanting to spend some good time with my date I suggested postponing. However, my date demurred, explaining he is unaccountably busy for several weeks into the future.

After my attempts to negotiate an alternative met with stony silence I suggested meeting earlier than we had originally planned in order to have decent spell together. Only a couple of hours, say, but enough.

So – and forgive me at the outset for varying a policy of not quoting, but I think this way is easier – he replied:

“I think it’s best I’m honest… I always get stuck trying to work out what is the right thing to do. I met someone last week and... would [only] like to meet you as a friend. What do you think?”

I was very disappointed by this, particularly as it was less than two hours before our supposed date! I was particularly sad that he couldn’t have texted or emailed ideally well before the day to explain that he and I would only be meeting as friends. It would have been fine. And less angsty than a proper date!!

I replied that I was happy for him, having me someone, and I wished them both all the best. But that he should have been more up-front with me. And, as our exchange continued, I explained I was happy to meet him as a friend – if that is what he really wants – but that I remain disappointed.

My reticence comes in two forms. Firstly, his friendship feels like the booby prize. That, in my view, is the main reason he should have been more… well, honest, if I’m honest. I would have been happy to be his friend if he’d been clear that was what was on offer. As a consolation prize it doesn’t sit well with me.

Also, I feel there is now no foundation for trust. While I appreciate it was not easy for him, this whole ‘family’ excuse to leave early… again, it doesn’t sit well with me.

I’m quite disheartened. It does make me laugh, though, to think I’ve effectively had the shortest date ever at -2 hours. We left it at “Let me know Mike. You sound like a nice guy and I’d still like to meet you”.

I would welcome more gay friends (or of any persuasion); that much is certain. My instinct is in fact to meet him and see. Or do I remain perhaps too cheerful a fairy?

Well, gentle reader, what do you think?


Anonymous said...

Dearest love, what possible use to you is a friend who lies to make himself feel more comfortable, decides he wants to be monogamous with someone after only a week, and is too weak and feeble-minded to be honest and truthful with you? Tell him you already have enough friends, and that THEY value you enough to be truthful with you. (IMHO, of course.) xxx PS If you want more gay friends, a) have some of mine or b) join a club: book group? chess club? some sort of sport or language group? There are loads of ways to meet people out there (the only problem is that people are, on the whole, fuckwits!)

Mike said...

Do I detect a hint of cynicism treacle? Though you speak the truth of course.I should put myself out there. Very happy to meet your boys again of course ;-)

John F said...

Hi Mike

You seem (rightfully) upset and annoyed with this guy. I would be, too.

Why are you happy to meet him as a friend? Why don't you just cut him loose? It's not like you owe anything to him.

It seems he's not even worth exploring any friendship with.

Just my initial thoughts.


John F

Mike said...

Yes, I was very annoyed and a little upset. We'll have to see whether he bothers to maintain any sort of contact!

John F said...

But my point is that it's not up to him, my dear. It's up to you. Even if he wants to maintain contact, why should you respond? Surely he has lost his chance with you. Surely he does not deserve you. Surely you have more to offer the world than to wait and see whether some jerk contacts you.

Devote your energy to those who deserve it - and this one doesn't