Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Casual is hard work

I don’t find it easy, when dating, to avoid the same trap of being too keen, Rule Two, or just generally not chillaxin’.

Now there is nothing that I should like more than to chillax, especially in the wars of the heart. It would make the attrition of dating all the more bearable not to invest so much into any particular guy… not to get infatuated. The smell of desperation is not an exquisite perfume I think, so it is important to be a bit circumspect and not wear my heart on my sleeve.

Of course then the next step would be learning how to stop being casual and actually recognise a relationship is beginning. That will be a real challenge; though one thing at a time!

The point is that it is easy for me to rush off and get attached to this guy and that because, well, it is easy. Like most gayers I never learned like the rest of the world to date, work out if someone likes me, start a relationship etc; after all in my occasional attempts at a heterosexual relationship almost never had me reading signals wrong to the point I might get killed!

So the truth is this new round of dating has me feeling quite lost at sea. The last year has been fun but my inbuilt failings have meant it hasn’t quite made up for a lifetime of self-imposed ignorance. No landmarks or signposts to show me the way. I have asked people’s opinions but advice is usually contradictory or less than helpful. Or, frankly tiresome game playing. And as previous posts have indicated I seem not quite up to speed on getting the clues.

I do try to be careful about my body language, how much I drink, where I go, how I dress when on a date. But I’d rather let things flow naturally for all my impatience. Just a pity I have to practise my ropey dating skills on men that might, just possibly…

Well, practice makes perfect gentle reader. I think I’m getting better at just, meeting someone and taking it/leaving it.

The guy I saw twice at the weekend decided he didn’t want to see me again. As before I remain entirely neutral about that and look forward to what’s next. My date tomorrow, to be specific. Followed hotly by my date on Thursday.

Both off gaydar, again. I’ve been used to going there for my casual other thing (which I tend not to find too much hard work at all) so that’s interesting… but I’m giving myself a mini-break from causal other thing until I’m a bit more settled in myself. Everything seems unsatisfactory at the moment. I feel very ill at ease sometimes about my looks; I miss International very much; I want to focus properly on my career for a while...


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dearest love, it's always so hard to chillax! Don't fall into the trap of imagining us straights are any better at dating. I firmly believe that the usual pattern for everyone is: meet someone, get drunk, sleep with them, then either block their number, find yours is blocked by them, or spend an unspecified and unsatisfactory period of time learning how little you have in common and how many reasons there are to hate them. Bitter? Moi? At least I have wonderful friends! xxx