Wednesday, 2 July 2008

The Invisible Boyfriend

Today marks one month since Mark and I first met. We were due to go out tonight and have dinner etc, but once again Mark has cancelled so it would seem that I will be spending tonight alone. We should, instead me meeting on Friday, but apparently that’s looking a bit ‘dodgy’ now so I guess I’ll be waiting on tenterhooks for him to make up his sodding mind.

Monogamy’s all very well but I would suggest it does rather involve being in the same room at the same time on occasion.

I’m really very annoyed. I made specific work arrangements to ensure I could meet him tonight; now we won’t see each other. Then instead he wants to meet Friday, so I put off a new friend who I was due to see then for a wine-tasting evening. Now it seems instead of seeing Mark, and also having a good Friday night, it’ll be a couple of dull nights doing accounts, studying, or watching tele’. Love's young dream it ain't gentle reader.

I’ve splattered my qualms and concerns all over this blog ad-nauseum but if I never get to talk to him in some depth/seriousness and seeing where we are/where we are going then it’s not going to get better. So right now I’m trying to think of the best way of biting the bullet and tackling this in the only medium I have available – email.

In my mind the lunaversary/mensiversary (whatever it’s called) would have been quiet – no flowers, no gifts – but I did want to ask him clearly, but nicely, whether he is seeing other people, and where we stand. Partly for the affirmation, but partly because I know he still actively uses the dating site where we ‘met’ (our profiles are linked you see) so…

He’s promised to call me later and to be honest the way I feel right now there’ll be Words Had. I’m currently trying to compose a message in reply to him that expresses my concerns maturely and sensibly, in a way that isn’t going to piss him off or sound petulant or aggressive.

OK, so he wants a relatively hassle free relationship because he has a very demanding job, but I clearly need lots of affirmation and attention. I make no demands of Mark whatsoever even though it kills me that he very very rarely sends even remotely 'romantic' texts or emails and is very reticent about public displays of affection (which I think is partly just the way he is to be honest), and he never apologises for letting me down.

I really want to get a clear indication from him whether he 'likes' me and whether he wants to keep seeing me – whether he thinks we have a future. I have to find a good way of asserting myself and making some demands of Mark for a change.

I could quite happily go back to sleeping around, you know. Quite happily. Oh yes. :-(

No comments: