Thursday, 3 July 2008

Attack of the Invisible Boyfriend

Yesterday afternoon I asked Mark to call me to sort things out, because – as I put it – not only do I want to see him, I also wanted to talk to him. And, indeed he said he would call.

I waited last night till about 10:30 for that call, rehearsing some choice comments about however much I might like cock it doesn’t excuse him being one. But eventually I realised that it wasn’t going to happen, so I sent Mark a text “well, I guess I [messed] that up. I’m sorry you didn’t call. I do/did really like you. All the best, then, for the future. Mike”.

The reply I got was: “Hey what’s this about? I’m at a do”.

Mike: “Are you? I thought you didn’t call because of my last email”

Mark: “I’m at a party and that’s why I could not meet you”

This is the point when I became seriously miffed. So, ill advisedly, I text “I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough for this party. I’m sorry you didn’t call. I’m sorry I cancelled [my plans on Friday] for you. I clearly got it wrong.”

He replied with another promise to call me – but at this point it was well past midnight so I left it, and in the morning I messaged more rationally: “Hi. I feel bad about starting a row. Please do call later. Or perhaps we can meet after work to talk properly? Hope you have a good day. Speak later”. This received another promise from Mark to call me.

Who knows; if he really puts his back into it – I mean, really reaches for the stars – and makes a herculean effort he may even call me!

I hope this little display doesn’t make me look like a total idiot. I did try not to lose my temper, but recent events clearly were not good for my Rage! I’m actually more annoyed about his failure to call me than his cancelling on me for what was in effect a better offer (though to be honest I was a bit thrown that this was the reason). Once I’m secure in my mind I really can be low-maintenance gentle reader – I genuinely don’t mind that he wanted to go to this party rather than see me. But being at the bottom of the list of priorities is one thing; not even being in his mind at all is another.

Unanimity amongst all my friends, who have told me that Mark is dangling me by a string and to end it. But I rejoice in the freedom to ignore good advice. In my heart of hearts, you see, I hope that when he calls he’ll say he’d been holding back because he really likes me too but he wasn’t getting the 'vibe' from me or something and it will all turn out to be an hilarious comedy of errors like A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Farce be closer to it we might say, but whatever happens tonight, as Samuel Beckett put it, “No matter. Try again; fail again; fail better.”.

1 comment:

Monty said...

I know exactly where you're coming from, having been in that position in previous times. It's difficult, thinking that you're the last option, that you're the default if there's nothing else better and it's easy to react the way you did. If/when he rings, you do need to talk about it because I have found that it is often a 'comedy of errors' - misconceptions can be sorted out. But he does need to understand how you're feeling and how you're perceiving things because obviously he has no idea about the distress/angst you're going through when he treats you in this cavalier fashion. Good luck mate, he sounds like a great guy (and you are a FANTASTIC catch) and so it's worth really fighting for your relationship! big hug! :-)