Friday, 25 September 2009

Vexatious like a fox

Round and round the wheel spins, and today gentle reader the dial stops at… mild annoyance. Well, it did. By the time I got to posting this I was happier. Nevertheless, it seems we have reached a point that all relationships go thorough but for which *sigh* good communication is needed.

Is there a theme emerging here? I wonder.

Anyway: Fella now has his job and that means a lot of pressure is off him and he’s got more time free not applying for things or doing interview prep. So, today, he tells me all about his plans to take evening courses and do yoga and join a gym… a veritable cornucopia of Fella-time.


Not us time.

Double plus harrumph.

Incidentally the college apparently subsidises a lot of its staff’s extracurricular activity. It comes to something when there is a public subsidy for my boyfriend not spending time with me.

I work up to 15 hours a day yet I always make time for him and us; get up a couple of hours before him to finish work so we can spend more time together in the morning. Always making sure he has his cup of tea at the bedside however early I need to leave for work. Actively rearranging my work calendar around his availability.

So, yes, I am a little vexed he’s not thinking of time for us to spend together now he has time on his hands. I’m not suggesting 24/7 – far from it. In that event you could place bets on which of us would kill the other first. Maybe I’m being unreasonable; maybe I put in work and he puts up with me… that would be hard enough to be sure :-)

We do spend time together. There are the weekends and we often go to the cinema on Wednesday. On Saturday I’m going to one of his concerts and Sunday to enjoy the Regent St Festival (hopefully joined by Friend ‘A’). Friday is his leaving drinks from his temp role, to which he has invited me. But it does occur that’s having me along to things he’d be doing anyway.

Including me in things is really sweet. He doesn’t have to and I know he does it for the right reasons. But that’s where communication comes in. Rather than being Frumpella the Humphy Fairy - this is surely not a litany of complaints worth burdening him with - maybe I should just take time at the weekend to tell him I think he and I should spend some of his his new found tempus redux together, goshdarn it!!

Perhaps I’ll do it over his new cabbage strudel recipe that he’s using me as the guinea pig for on Sunday…


etre-moral-etre-sincere said...

Both me and my boyfriend went through this sort of frustration at certain periods. What we ended up agreeing about, is that we should not try to be possessive here. We both want not just to live a comforting life in a relationship, but also work on ourselves in the way we would do anyway. At first, it looks like we spend less time together, at least during the week. However, this means that spending time together can be made into something special, not a routine we conform to because we are in a relationship, and that's quite cool. It's just about the way you look at it.

Hope that helps. Good luck to you guys with sorting things out, - from what I know from your blog, you make a great couple! Communication and understanding overcomes all small troubles, - it's just important to remember that relationships do require some work sometimes (and it seems you remember it, so I am sure everything will be great).

MadeInScotland said...

You both think differently as you've blogged before. You logically Fella artistically.

What you are doing is (and I don't know the technical word for it) judging him by your thought process. He isn't you, he doesn't think like you.

Which doesn't mean that he isn't committed, doesn't want more-he might be thinking why fix if it ain't broke.

You've already said he involves you in things he'd be doing anyway. What's not to say he just assumes you will get involved in some of the other things he organises?


Miguel said...

As an outsider looking in, it's so easy to pass comment or judgement. When you are emotionally involved however, sometimes the way forward can be clouded by mist and it can be hard to see through to the light at the other end. I think it is always good for us as individuals to take some "me" time. A fullfilled, happier fella would be a good thing all round, no? You don't want to appear to be suffocating( I'm not saying you are!!) fella, but I think maybe supporting his choices and his interests may pay huge rewards in the long run.

Mike said...

I should have re-read these before tonight. Good advice, as always. I love blogging because you are all here. Finer minds and hearts and friends than I may offer!!