Monday, 14 September 2009


I’m a pretty poor communicator, it seems. That’s quite a challenge both to recognise and overcome. However things have happened both in my relationship and through my work that had given me pause for thought.

I think Fella sometimes thinks I don’t enjoy spending time with him, when I really do. We have different approaches to how we spend our time together and we’re both really busy at the moment so when we can get together it should be precious. But of course, being fundamentally flawed when it comes to expressing myself, and my feelings I find it very difficult to discuss things. Odd, really, when you consider I can talk, write, post ad-nauseum… but apparently say nothing at all.

All I can do is carry on and get better I suppose. I hope, genuinely, that Fella will stick around long enough for some kind of equilibrium to be established. I am convinced of the importance of communication but I really don’t know how to. And this in turn leads to a feedback cycle of increasing frustration till things reach breaking point.

As part of efforts to better myself I bought myself recently a book on neuro-linguistic programming (NLP). A proactive fairy am I, gentle reader. I hope that as [if] I get better at communicating I can reverse the cycle and dealing with people won’t be so draining. It ain’t easy being an introvert. NLP is something friends of mine swear by and I with a bit of luck it will let me garner some insights and solutions without getting me too down about myself!

Fella has an interview tomorrow so for the moment I am focussed on supporting him and so I don’t want to talk about… talking right now. And it’s his birthday coming up so I want to ensure he has a great time. If actions speak louder than words then I think I got some game…

Still, I do think I need to focus on the outcomes I want and just learn to give a bit more when I’m with him. I want him to know I want to be with him and am always sad when I’m not. Better get reading I suppose.


Francois said...

Do not underestimate the power of touch to communicate. If a picture is worth as thousand words, touch is worth a million. Give fella a hug when he least expects it. He will know what it is about. If he is surprised just say: "It is because I miss you when you are not here". He will get the message.

Happy days to you and fella.

Anonymous said...

All laudable my love and you know I love a bit of NLP, but do remember that communication is not just a skill but also a process...and an exchange... it's not purely about YOUR input. NLP will tell you (I paraphrase here, bear with me) that the meaning of any message you send is whatever the receiver interprets - I disagree fundamentally on this. You're responsible for making your communication as effective as possible, sure, but one's recipient is equally responsible for making their listening, their reception, as effective as possible. Cut yourself a little slack, hmmmm? A x

Mike said...

Francois: I think that's a good idea and I may worm that into my weekend plans.

'A': yes I see what you mean. Thanks, as always. X