Constellation

I wrote a while ago – before I met my favourite guy - about a five pointed star:

• Career and business
• Health
• Friends (and family)
• Sex and sexuality
• Love and relationships

And now that fifth point has become a second star, in the form of my relationship with Fella.

I thought perhaps thinking about my relationship as a star in its own right would help me pick the main areas I need to concentrate on. I do find – worry, even – that one needs to be good at a whole range of things in order to keep things going. It’s a two way street of course; Fella has and does put in his fair share. But you need to develop these skills over time and with practice so I am somewhat backward in these respects. It’s a pity I didn’t feel free enough to admit to myself who I am when I was younger. But then I can hardly complain of the paradise on whose beach the tides of reticence have fetched me up!

A fellow blogger wrote about making a relationship work; that was my primer. I’ve never really worked on whatever relationship I was in before. I’ve worried about it, had good times and bad… and totally fucked things up of course. But I know none of those guys were right for me and now it seems we have one who… fits. All my friends say we make a fantastic couple; and can barely believe (as can I) that it’s not yet quite four months.

So, how do we do this, gentle reader?

1. Being stress free. I want to ensure when he’s with me it’s a refuge; somewhere where he can always relax, have fun and have a good time. Tough, because I’m not as low-maintenance as I hope!

2. Being supportive. Helping him achieve the things he wants to achieve. I do mean also being honest; if he’s wrong them perhaps trying to help him find the right way? It does occur that sycophantically agreeing with everything he says would make things easier but not longer lasting. It’s a delicate balancing act.

3. Being the best I can be: I like being able to take care of him and be there for him. But I also want him to always feel that…well, he can’t do better! And that of course takes work. Dedication in its own right, and again something difficult to balance correctly.

4. To remember how much I love him when he is around, not just when he isn’t. Oh yes, absence makes the heart grow fonder…but I fail to appreciate the experiences we have, even the mundane, as muc has I should and that does him a disservice.

5. To learn from not regret experience. Back to them good ol’ rules!

I am struck by the idea I may have let pass so many opportunities and perhaps that is the function of this tiny cog in the great Universal machine. But I am yet determined not to let this opportunity pass me by and whatever happens I dimly perceive it is one of the anchors of my life. One of my Great Loves. Perhaps my only, to be sure. How very marvellous and interesting indeed.