Thursday, 24 September 2009


Fella has a new job, which is great news. He was on a temporary contract administering an audit at a medical Royal College; and he has now been offered a permanent position. That complements his birthday nicely so we have two things to celebrate with our trip! He’s [we are] very much looking forward to Paris and I am currently looking for some suitable accommodation...

As for me, I have spotted an opportunity with my own employer that seems to suit me, and would certainly mean a step up if I got it. I won’t now see Fella till Saturday afternoon, so I have a little time to apply for it.

Work is very important to me. Before I came out I was pretty focussed on work as my main activity, but too unhappy to really push ahead as well as perhaps I could. Nevertheless, I have a reasonable career, moving from administration to regulation to casework to project management, and I am reasonably well paid (though in my darker moments feel not necessarily remunerated for what I actually do).

Fella is much more of a social person, with an artistic background (contrasting my scientific education) and as such not very interested in a traditional career or making money. And this puts us in very different positions with very different viewpoints on some things.

I am pleased – well, not pleased, but content I suppose – that I make about 70% of our combined income. Am I competing with him? Or do I merely want to contribute to our relationship in proportion to my gifts – support him in accordance with my abilities? I prefer the latter. I think he simply doesn't care!

I like working hard and making the time for this relationship is one area I am just about managing to pull off – admittedly with massive sleep deprivation on the side. It does make me a bit sad (and a tad envious) to leave Fella with his cup of tea to sleep a while and make his own way into work when I have to rush off at dawn o’clock – or get up two hours before him to do some work reading.

If Fella and I had similar work aspirations or career paths, I wonder how well we would really get on? I suspect we would really be competing then. I’m not a huge fan of people assuming ‘roles’ in a relationship be it alpha/beta or masculine/feminine but it seems our differences help us rub along. And rub along very nicely we do.


MadeInScotland said...

Financially that's very similar to Xfe and I, though we are equal contributors to our relationship and life together. Mon C, for example, runs the house. He does the shopping (even when in China he organised a Sainsbury delivery of heavy goods), the cleaning and makes us breakfast and dinner. His contribution isn't just financial. He brings other stuff that's good and great for me.

As you say it really is about balance, though balance isnt equality.

oh, and I really am writing this at 4.23am...another sleepless night.

etre-moral-etre-sincere said...

Good news with his new job! Congrats.

Differences help sometimes, I can definitely confirm it, being a scientist whose partner is an artist!

Mike said...

Fella does tend toward the household things - escept ironing. He loathes it and I find it cathartic. I have a detailed shopping lost for tomorrow; but the kitchen is his and his alone. Money, I should say, is not an issue for us. He asks for nothing and gives... well, read on ;-)