Sunday, 3 May 2009

Frumpella 2.0

Newly-out Frumpella 1.0 was the ‘beta’ version of the Cheerful Fairy, released for public testing. Well, we found a few bugs (!) but the system works; and I don’t think I’ll ever quite appreciate how lucky I am.

Perversely, perhaps, I now live constantly with a sense of anticipation and slight nervousness. Like a child on Christmas Eve; or I’m on a plane with a one way ticket to start a new life on the other side of the world; or it’s my wedding day.

But whatever comes next, what I really feel is that things need to change.

Endless dating in the strident search for Mr Right isn’t working. It’s been too easy to let my self be hurt by not being wanted. And it’s counter-productive to feel like that.

I’m still looking; there's so much about dating and meeting guys I love. Just not being so consumed with searching for Mr Right will be helpful. It’s difficult to choose not to actively seek him after so many years of denying myself exactly that. But there we are.

It’s not my dating experiences; I’m clear thinking and enough to realise although I’m the only common factor to all my dates it’s not me; ‘Me’ is not the problem. There’s just too much else to do. I want to go to China; buy a new computer; replace my clothes [losing weight = retail therapy!]; perhaps even buy a car. And dating costs; far more than casual sex or relationships – not least in financial terms!

Friends and colleagues have tactfully suggested that dating might be less expensive if I didn’t have three dates a week and marvellous Monty’s new paradigm suggests a possible way forward.

I have a more-than full-time job, and a ikkle-small business too. The business needs lots of attention because my aim is, once the economy recovers, to sell it. My “this will pay for my house” ambition! Conversely my career needs to be carefully managed as opportunities arise with my work that shall require sustained time and effort to realise.

Socially I can’t really go on with a life of only work, causal sex, and the very occasional booze-fuelled outing, even if I’m only 19*. I recently joined, amongst other things, a fencing club (I did a bit at school and was rather good) and a gay–professionals networking group as part of a drive to expand my horizons and meet new people.

From a purely physical point of view I want to get fitter. I’ve done well; I like what I see in the mirror. But much work remains. So, for a while yet, it’ll be out with the booze altogether. Swimming, running; you can’t easily date on a calorie controlled diet!

The real reason behind all of it is of course self confidence. The issue at the heart of so much on this blog. I need to be confident I look good, have a full life, am doing well in my career. I sometimes get criticised for setting impossible standards for myself; but that’s the only way I know how to address the problem – if I’m sure I’ve done the best I can there’s nothing to be shy about any more. That and Rule 5 of course.

What happens next is…until Septemberish I shan’t be actively dating, pending what happens with my current crop. Though I fully intend to maintain a full timetable of man-fun I’ve been writing about taking a break for a while and when it comes to dating there is something to be said about not seeing the wood for the trees.


MadeInScotland said...

and don't forget the alli; for every 2lbs you loose it will shake another...

but some might think you were fine as you are!


Anonymous said...

Whoa. Some big changes on the horizon. Confidence is a wonderful asset...but there's no point killing yourself trying to achieve the impossible to make confidence your best friend. Addressing insecurities is the quickest way there and if exercise and keeping fit is your bugbear then do what you need to do to get in the shape you desire.
Personally, I find the dating dilemma a struggle. In the left corner, if you want to find yourself a have to put yourself out there and meet people to get to know them better, shag them so you know if you're sexually compatible..and so on. In red, in the right corner, you should just tak it easy and let it happen. Maybe the oyster is the try hard factor. You can do your thing but if you don't try too hard to make it all work just will :P

Mike said...

Thanks MadeInScotland. I think you are too kind! x

Mike said...

Well, I'm on the right road - just all these dates have bene milestones rather than progress in and of themselves. Further travel involves making some changes as I posted. A good all round gayer is what I'm aiming for - but hopefully it won't be out of the frying pan and into the fire!!

Anonymous said...

Paradigms shift :-) Such is life!

Looking good and feeling fit is a huge confidence booster and attention grabber (if such is needed).

The main thing is to have fun. If you're having fun 'dating' then there's no problem (apart from time/finance!) If it's a chore and you hate it then why not just have fun making friends and playing the field as and when the whim grabs.

The worst thing is to waste time being miserable when there's so much 'life' out there.

Mike said...

I actually like dating - or did before I met International. I need to get my confidence up to make it all the more enjoyable; and worthwhile for the other guy too! Plus achieving that by doing other things I enjoy... well, no actual downside hehe.