Wednesday, 22 April 2009

The Rules

The Rules have come a long way since those first three that I came up with when I started dating, just over a year ago. They continue to grow and grow! But what do they mean? And how well does Frumpella stick to them? Here are my favourites and how I interpret them…

Rule 1: Well, no sex on a first date. Self explanatory really. Even if I break it more than 60% of the time (yes, I keep records. A complete and thorough slattern is yours truly). As for Rules 2 and 3; Yes 60%. And I’m still single aren’t I? Actually my two most successful – well, longest anyway – relationships were very Rule One complaint indeed. But the idea is really that ‘putting out’ too early doesn’t help. I know it was different for some of you out there, so perhaps I’m just being overly restrictive. Or not. Celarly I'll have to break that Rule a lot more, just to be sure...

Rule 5: I lack confidence a lot. I’m quite shy; and I’m not good at meeting people. No, really. So I needed to encourage myself to just get out there. A work in progress in that regard, but a good Rule - partly because it’s totally true! I make it a point to say yes to virtually everything now and regrets… none whatever. If there was a Rule I’d sell to other people, it would be Rule 5.

Rule 7: My current favourite rule. For all the cock I’ve had not one guy has yet proven to have the balls to be the man in my life. Honesty AND balls. That’s all it takes for me; the rest can be a work in progress. Do I have balls? Well… I got Rule 5, don’t I?

Rule 10: Contributed by an ex-girlfriend of mine as a joke after I came out to her; it’s certainly the most important. Of course it means practise safe sex!

Rule 15: One of many contributed by friend ‘A’; simply put “well, he would say that, wouldn’t he?”. Perhaps having that as a rule is a bit cynical, and that’s not what this blog is about. Yet… say what you mean, men; and if you don’t want to then say that too. “It’s not you… it’s me. I’m the one who doesn’t find you attractive”… is that so difficult?! No need to lie, make up excuses or unaccountably loose the use of your dialling finger.

Rule 21: This is all my own, and cautions me against infatuation. I came up with it after too many hours checking my phone every 30 seconds for text messages from guys who with hindsight sit at the business end of Rule 7.

Of course some of the Rules were made to be broken and for more than half my life I’ve reasoned that if you’re going to break rules, break ‘em good and hard. But at least one Rule seems pertinent to every man-based situation so the system works!

What about you, gentle reader: got any Rules you live by? Got any rules for me…?


Anonymous said...

Okay, let's see.

My Rule 1) would be the exact opposite of yours! Call me an old slapper by I firmly believe you should shag before the first date. Sex is such an important part of most intimate relationships that I don't see the point of getting too involved with anyone unless that side of things worked. Think of it this way, I've considered staying with one boyfriend simply because the sex was phenomenal.

Let's see. Rules 2 through 7 are good, especially #5

I presume #8 is no more than 4-5 at a time? If so, well, okay. I think I had a max of 3 at a time and they spent most of their time bitching about me behind my back :-) When I dumped all of them as I'd found someone I thought I could really care about and wanted to see where it would go they basically formed a social club!

9) Everyone should stick to this. Smart people don't drink too much or do drugs before penetrative sex. I've not always been smart.

10) Abso-frikki-lutely.

Mostly agree with the rest. 22) when I can't swing from the chandeliers I'll either buy a sling or if both of us are incapable we'll get rentboys and watch them fuck.

Other rules I'd add?

Don't get too hung up on meeting someone and don't expect to settle down before you're 30.

Hanging around with cute friends is the best way to snag a hot guy.

Don't think you can make someone else love you. You can't.

If you get blown off by a guy you fancy then don't stalk him, move on.

Don't hit on other people's boyfriends. If they hit on you then that's a different story.

Never sacrifice your 'self' for a relationship. If you lose that then you lose what attracted him to you in the first place.

Date (even when sh***ing). Doing stuff together in that setting not only enriches the relationship but it enriches you as a person.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me! (Similar to 4)

Never be afraid of going after someone you think is way hotter than you. You might be just his type (Ref: movie Trick)

Clear communication in all things, no matter how embarassing, is key to relationship longevity. Either that or never move in together!

Last but not least [drum roll] if something starts itching, burning or turning a funny colour anywhere on your body, go to the GUM clinic immediately. Don't wait around to see if it gets better by itself. Also, be responsible and get Hep vaccinations. Better a couple of needles than months of pain and anguish.

Oh, and if you want to see if a relationship will work, go on a trip with him, don't move in!

Mike said...

I like those rules. I totally agree about the stalking thing - save your dignity. Move on!

I agree also no[t too much] drink or drugs before/during sex. Purely 'cos sex is great. What more do you want??

So many rules. So little time!!