Sunday, 19 April 2009


Honesty is, I think, the best policy. It is all I demand in a relationship; my only absolute. It comes from watching my parents’ various marriages disintegrate around. And this weekend is a case in point.

You may recall, gentle reader, that I had a lot of fun over the Easter weekend with a guy I’d met before, and a friend of his, for a lovely threeway assignation. Since then I have been in touch with a couple who live locally and who were looking to hook up. At the same time I remained in contact with the ‘friend’ from the earlier threeway as he wanted to hook up again and knowing my fondness for small groups, he wanted to invite his partner too.

Well, this weekend it all came together and I invited both couples to join me for some indoor sports *ahem*. Yes, Frumpella is the hostess with the mostest but it had been a wee while and I had reserved the weekend specifically for naughty fun so why not?

It turned out that that the first couple included one guy from the threeway at Easter; and the second couple included not only the other (as I already knew); but I’d met his boyfriend before for some naughty fun too. Hmm… leaving aside the fact that this means there’s only a 1 in 4 chance that any random guy I pick up is someone I haven’t slept with before; it all was still a bit awkward. Mainly because none of these guys, the ones in relationships I emphasise now, had told their partners about their extra-curricular activities so all three separately swore me to secrecy. Strumpetville was descending into farce!

Nevertheless, a good time was had by all. And today one of the guys – the only one I hadn’t met before - contacted me looking for further, discreet, fun. He’s pretty hot so I had him over and again much fun was had! But it was only afterward that he revealed to me – as part of a request to join my select group of regular gentleman callers – that he and his partner are HIV positive.

This annoyed me somewhat as, well, he, his partner, and their friends and I have been engaged in a lot of sex. And truth be told a few times various of them had been pushy about not using a condom. I always play safe; yet while I know there is no harm done to me personally I am a bit put out by it and would have preferred a more up-front approach.

Yes, honesty works for me. A great weekend but; welcome Rule 23.


Monty said...

I'm starting to lose track of all the rules. And how many men were actually there...was it just the 5 of you? It sounds all like some very very naughty fun for Frumpella!

Anonymous said...

Its paramount....for a successful relationship. This particular situation probably happens a fair bit. The usual argument is that if they were upfront and honest, would you want to do anything. I won't even pretend to know what the whole scenario feels like but surely 'misleading and deceptive' conduct isn't the way to go. Surely you can be honest, careful and still have great sex. You've been a pretty good bloke about it. I prob would've lost it...

Anonymous said...

I am so with you on the 'honesty' side of things. I had a boyfriend for a couple of years who turned out to be a pathalogical liar. He'd literally lie about everything, even down to what he'd had for lunch or where he'd had it.

During our time together I picked up on a few of them but managed to convince myself that it didn't matter. At the end of the relationship, which he'd insisted on being monogamous in, it turned out that he'd only been faithful for about 2 weeks!

Long story short (thankfully) when I found out about one of his 'bigger' lies and confronted him with it he came clean. Or at least I think he did. Impossible to tell!

After a decade together now, I think I could deal with my other half slipping up and cheating on me (though it'd take time) but it would be much harder for me to handle it if he lied to me about it.

For my sins, I can't help but tell him everything I'm thinking or feeling, which isn't always a smart move :-)

Mike said...

Yes it was naughty fun indeed :-) The thing abotu these guys is it's not up to me to manage their relationships. Fidelity/monogamy is my ideal of course, but honesty - as we all agree! - is non-negotiable.

I've been around the block enough times to realise that I'm almost certain to have slept with a few guys with HIV. But it's an areas where I'm pathologically careful these days (less strident when I was much younger) so I would have appreciated being informed... but, again, no harm done!