Tuesday, 28 April 2009


Amongst all the dating and the assignations and my gentleman callers I often forget the need to talk to gayers in the real world; Strumpetville is full of gorgeous opportunity for me but I so very rarely take advantage of it.

Where I work there are currently four candidates for the position of office totty. Sadly, I have no real opportunity day to day to talk to them and as such, given my introversion, shyness and general lack of confidence in these matters, I don’t know what to do. They look at me; I look at them. I wish, I wish I were more of a people person.

It’s getting to the point that it’s beginning to irritate me and I suspect them too. There is one to whom I say hello when we pass in the corridor etc; but I suspect he’s equally shy because he doesn’t talk to me if he sees me before I see him. That could, of course, mean he’s not interested in any way. One of the things we have to bear in mind is that the opening line leads to a tactful exploration of whether the subject is (a) gay (b) out (c) single (d) potentially interested (e) meets the specifications.

There is another one I have spoken to, in the sense he was speaking to someone I know and I joined the conversation. She, the mutual acquaintance, was surprised – as she reported to me later – as he’d never acknowledged in the office, before I was there, that he is gay. She thinks that’s a good sign.

The others, never a word. Just… looks.

My administrator, with whom I have become good friends was in stitches when the first guy, Mr Hello, was in the kitchen and I – out of desperation to make conversation – commented that he had a nice mug (as in drinking utensil though he’s cute as a button).Once the tears of laughter had stopped she confided that it sounded like a cheesy pick-up line. Which, I suppose, it was. I took that opportunity to inform her she wouldn’t be getting a pay-rise this year.

She suggests I put too much pressure on myself to try and talk to these guys in ‘that way’ and I should chillax and just talk to them casually. And there is some wisdom to what she says; let things take their course. I find it easy to talk to others, so why not them?

Still… does anyone have any ideas about how a shy gay guy with no relationship experience, people skills, or ‘gaydar’ might go about things? It’s very important I get better at these things soon. Practice makes perfect? I don’t really want to practice on people I‘ll see every day… Still, two dates tomorrow and another on Thursday. You never know, maybe I’ll never need to learn!


Anonymous said...

Not a clue in the office. In the 'real world' it's easier! If they're in a bar, club or gay restaurant, they're a potential hit.

Cheesy chat up lines. I was once so drunk that I muttered the immortal words "I don't normally do small talk, but for you I'll make an exception."

Within about 5 minutes I had the boy in tow and was begging Hubby to let me please take him home. Hubby (wisely) said no!

Anonymous said...

Mate..she's right. Deep breath and let it happen. I was working somewhere for a while and there was a good looking guy. I had to see him a couple of times for work and while he was nice enough..he seemed a bit aloof. But there was a protein shake on his desk and when I ran into him in the linch room I started talking about the shake and it ran into a conversation about workouts and more and the second time we were alking we were in the corridor chatting for a good 20 mins. Now we catch up socially every so often and work out together sometimes. Whether gay or not...someone at work that you'd like to talk to is just everyone else. If you have something to work with, use that (eg. you know something about them). If not start with plans for the weekend or something equally innocent and go from there. If they are nice enough, you'll ge talking and the rest is history as they say.

Last tip >> forget the tactful exploration. Just brings with it pressure, you don't need. Good luck !!!

Mike said...

Wow, Nine, teach me how you do that!!

I know, mm, I shouldn't get so bound up in things. The problem with being shy. and a bit crap! Well, shy at least. Of course you are as right as my secretarty is. Stay tuned!