75

I don’t know quite how to describe my low mood at the moment. I’m afflicted by some kind of ennui and while I’m dissatisfied with my state I am not motivated to do anything about it.

This is no way for the Cheerful Fairy to behave!

So being at a loose end and, somewhat unusually, not really in the mood to hook up with anyone, I thought I would write about things about which this Fairy can be cheerful:

75: I am at my target ideal weight of 75kg (11 stone and 11 pounds); hurrah. That means since starting this blog I’ve lost nearly 17 kilos. (2 stone and 8 pounds). And boy do I like what I see in the mirror!

It’s all bound up with coming out I suppose because (a) I’m looking after myself properly and (b) I’m happier with myself generally, but I really do like my body now. I toyed with the idea of shaving off my body hair to show off the rippling gorgeousness that is yours truly but decided on balance not to as guys seem to go crazy over my furry tummy ;-). So I’m really into being and keeping fit and that onward goes into nice clothes and shoes and so forth; trying to be attractive properly.

50 is another number that we can put squarely in the cheerful camp as this weekend marked fella number 50 since I broke up with Darren. You might or might not consider it a figure to boast about, gentle reader; that’s not what I’m trying to do. But I am secretly pleased because it shows that some people find me attractive at least some of the time.

Put the two together and I’m much happier because I like what I see; evidently other people like what I see; and so a rather shy and introverted closet case becomes more outgoing and confident. Much work remains to be done of course and sometimes in my darker moments I wonder how wide the streak of cowardice running through me really is…

At the end of the day there is nothing about me or my situation that is not entirely within my power to resolve. I probably need to stop being a bit scared and lazy about things and seize the moment a bit more. At the present time I’m not focussed on looking for Mr Right (though I should not say No were he to present himself, with his papers in order, for inspection). Yet there are other things I want to focus for a while. Other things to keep me cheerful!