Ugly Duckling

Well… OK then. Yesterday’s rather flippant post didn’t really tell the whole story about how I’m feeling. The truth is I’m pretty down about things at the moment.

This is because of what happened with ‘O’, but also because the last four (count ‘em) fellas I’ve asked out have made it pretty clear that I’m not their type.

While I know it seems really stupid, it does make me feel ugly and generally unlikeable (if that’s a word). Consciously I know I’m not, of course; whilst I may not win prizes I can turn a head or two (?) and I can be sure I dress OK. God knows the guys who’ve given me a chance have never had cause to regret it on any level.

Nevertheless:

I realise the kind of rejection I’ve had is part of the rough-and-tumble of meeting men, I’m a bit sensitive sometimes and probably a bit self-absorbed with it; and I can get a bit infatuated with no good reason – all loveable traits, I know ;-) – so once in a while it gets to me.

Perhaps one of the biggest problems I give myself (and the only real problems I have are ones I make for myself) is my refusal to give myself a rest; I work all hours – doing work I love to bits to be sure; I never took a minute out when I got dumped; I’m studying; having an active social life; dating….

A couple of good friends have worried to me about burnout, and I take their concerns seriously enough to think about pulling back a bit. No more than two or three men a week then?!

In the meantime, of course I’ll get over it. I still need to finalise arrangements with ‘G’ and ‘H’ and it will be really nice to be among some decent company tomorrow. By the time that’s done I’ll have quite cheered up, I’m sure. Until then the thing I keep trying (and succeeding) to be is positive:

So, then, this is the slightly soppy way it’s going to work:

• I’ll continue to enjoy the cherry blossoms on the trees and walking around London in the spring sunshine;
• I’ll continue to smile when I see couples in love, rather than get jealous;
• I’ll continue to be charmed by puppies, kittens, and babies;
• I’ll continue to flirt with strangers, so there!;
• I’ll stick with the diet and start going swimming again;
• I’ll get a whole new haircut; the lamb-chops are going!;
• I’ll have myself a holiday;
• I’ll go to more classical concerts (I love Baroque), the cinematograph, and theatre shows;
• I’ll always remember the way my friends and family embrace me (awww);

Still, if anyone wants to join me that’d be just fine…