Monday, 14 April 2008

Ups and downs

Sunday with ‘T’ was wonderful. Absolutely great. Met for a couple of drinks, back to his, clothes all over the house. Hours and hours of fun, talking, wine, fun, talking… just a very great, very naughty, day. ‘T’ has a harmless, if lengthy, set of kinks; wear black socks, don’t shave, don’t wear deodorant… At the risk of sounding corny one of my biggest turn-ons is knowing I’m pleasing someone else, so very happy to go along with it. And it was worth my while.

‘T’, like one of my other fellas, already has a partner though, and they’ve been together for years. He was quite up-front about it, as was the other, and assured me that theirs is an open relationship and they both saw other people.

But ‘T’ said he wants to keep seeing me, and I do want to keep seeing him, so I’ve had to think about this a bit more carefully. And my attitude is this;

It’s not up to me to manage your relationship, it’s up to you. I’ll take you at your word; I don’t mind being your lover for however long you want me. But I won’t get involved in dishonesty – I won’t hurt someone else just for fleeting satisfaction. My parents were (and probably still are) serial adulterers and they caused each other, and other people, a lot of pain. I guess that’s taught me not to get hung up on sex = love, though I would still be happy to be in a monogamous relationship as and when the right guy comes along (still a romantic at heart y'see).

‘T’ doesn’t really want to be in an open relationship; that much he has made clear, but his partner does. So when ‘T’ is lonely he picks up men to keep him company in the nicest possible way. And it was nice that he doesn’t want just sex, but also conversation, shared interests. A spare boyfriend I suppose, and it seems that for the moment I fit the bill. Yes gentle reader, quite the courtesan is Mike. I shall have to take up the harpsichord and grape-peeling.

Another ‘up’ has been my increasingly flirtatious exchange of messages with ‘M’. He comes across as this really lovely, together guy; just the right kind of flirtatiousness to be attractive, without being ribald or bawdy. Not many people can carry that off, I’ve found in my limited experience. We’re going to meet up Wednesday or Thursday next week and he’s really keen to show me some ‘scene’ venues and get me more into that kind of thing. He sent me a picture of Kylie for my phone today, which I thought was just so sweet. Yeah, I hope this one leads to good things.

The downs?

Was online flirting again today (can’t stop myself!); after Sunday’s experience I guess I thought it was worth trying again. OK, so. Got private-messaging this guy who seemed up for a meet, and I was certainly up for meeting, but then he became quite aggressive and pushy. Very heavy about not using a condom (no, never, have no fear gentler reader), and about tying me up/immobilising me… challenging me on some of the replies I’d given him earlier… instinct (and, sadly, experience) just said NO! Creepy. My love/hate relationship with this online business is something I’m clearly going to have to be careful of. How long until I am, I wonder?

And of course the lingering effects of ‘L’ just wanting to be friends cast its shadow, Not helped, I might add, by a friend giving me a fairly blunt list of where I went wrong and what I should have done differently, which was meant in the right way but did not help at all. It made me wish I hadn’t published my messages (below) and made myself a fool so publicly. But there they are; make of them what you will. Anyone got some sonnets etc. for next time? Let me know!!

But, the central message is this: I'm having a great time. And tomorrow's going to be even better!


Monty said...

I'm exhausted just trying to keep up with all the letters you're dating at the moment! I'm sooo impressed! :-) Keep up the good work!


czechOUT said...

If things are not meant to be then they won't be, and it's not likely to be any different if you had waited another 24 hours before sending a text, whether that might send a message about being "needy".

I get frustrated reading Man About Town and Girl About Town in the London Paper and the gay versions. When did dating ever get complicated by seeming too eager or not eager enough.

If I want to see someone again I'm sure I would even if they texted me too "quickly".

Anonymous said...

I only just got around to reading the messages to L - I really didn't think they were that needy sounding, and I was one of the ones urging caution! Believe me my dear, I've shown less dignity in far less trying circumstances. I don't think you should beat yourself up. Czechout is right (and Czechout's advice was very helpful to me too, lord who knew reading a blog could be such a useful way to spend one's time?!) I know where you are tonight... hope you're having a wicked time! x