Yum

I have to say I could warm to the single life. For a given value of ‘single’ of course.

Over the last couple of days I have been a bit up and down, literally from one hour to the next. So... late last night in a reckless fit of horniness I sent a couple of guys on gaydar, with whom I had been chatting/flirting anyway (caveats abound, gentle reader), an open invitation to come round and pretty much do whatever they might want.

So, of course I spent most of today kicking myself. Why did I do that (bar the obvious)? What would I do if the reply was yes? What would I do if the reply was no? What would I do if there was no reply? What would I do if the reply was “ew, yuck!”? What would I do if I’d propositioned someone who turned out to be a major client? Aaargh!

Eventually though, when I got home to check if a reply had been sent, I was just relieved to see the reply was “yes please!”; and so I replied and one text message led to another and before you know it my evening is taking one giant leap for the better…

I guess what I wanted in the grand scheme of things was to be with someone just because before I wasn’t (if that makes sense), and occasional random guys here and there didn’t address some fairly clear emotional needs – I’m a sensitive guy, and not just in the vuduedium! So I thought when I was in a relationship “great, this is what I want”. But actually what I need is to be with men, intimately or otherwise, who like me for who I am regardless of what we do, and the context in which we get to know each other.

I had a great time tonight with someone who turned out to be a lot of fun – seriously, the guy can talk dirty at an Olympic level, and talking dirty isn’t something I’m normally into. Plus one major theme of this evening has been a fairly explicit list of fantasies being drawn up, which we’re both going to take Monday off to work through in no particular order (not all, of course; one of my secret favourites can’t be done without some fairly delicate planning, and as for his… well, I’m not dressing as a milkmaid for anyone).

As for the time between then and now: tomorrow I’m going out with lovely friends for the usual “just one…”, Saturday afternoon is a coffee morning with some men in the local area where I hope to meet some new friends, and Saturday evening have a date with ‘O’, who’s damned fine, totally ‘in’, and only stopping off at Airstrip One for a few days… And that should lead us nicely into a quiet Sunday.

Frankly, it is nice to look forward to these things when also feeling a little bit attractive, when learning about the things one really does like, and finding out going out on a limb is never, ever the wrong thing to do.

Yep, things aren’t looking too bad at all right now. Not bad at all...