Kill Saturday, Volume I

I do find it difficult to meet men.

You know what I mean? I am absolutely unafraid of messaging men I like online and am quite eager at the end of the day to reply to messages received (unless they’re particularly off-putting). So it goes, back and forth, but…

Whenever I say “let’s meet up/fancy a drink?/do you want to grab a coffee?/etc” it tends not to lead to anything.

One of my strategies, then, is to take part in events organised through OUT everywhere, a site I’ve recently joined. And the first of those was today’s gay coffee morning. Gay coffee posse, sorry. (I know it sounds like I’m taking the piss but I really do recommend it to single men and gay couples; you get a membership card too I discovered!!).

Of course, life being life there are one thousand hurdles to leap. The dishwasher breaks down, thus leaving me to get down on my knees bailing out water and fiddling with electronics, grimy and sweaty and rushing as precious minutes tick away (what could possibly go wrong?!).

I rush out of the house late, at exactly the time it starts raining, the directions to the pub get pulled out of my hand by the wind, and halfway to the station I realise the fly on my jeans is bust and one stray gust could land me in the magistrate’s court.

So; late, lost, wet, flustered, angry, and possibly exposing myself to strangers. O’ Aphrodite, am I a reborn Paris, destined to find his hunky Helen in this modern world? “Yeah, right… Maybe when you lose some weight and do something about your hair!”

Still, the train comes, I adjust myself to within the bounds of common decency and I make my way to the pub, where there is a full and frank exchange of views with the landlord on the concept of “tea”, and coffee in hand I went upstairs to the other bar…

Hurdle #437 is simply this; what is the etiquette of going up to a group of strange men and asking “are you a bunch of gays?”; of course I was discreet but, not having thought it through, I was half expecting a sign or something. Still, room is made for me to sit down and I get chatting and as the afternoon comes around I find myself having a good time; these are nice blokes (mostly) and just having a pleasant time without flirting or whatever. It was good to be relaxed in a no-pressure environment, and I met some nice people that I hope to meet again on a purely platonic level. It was quite the social mixer; one guy brought his guitar and was playing a few songs, and there were a few people who live and work near me that I talked to about this n' that. I learnt that "he likes shopping with his mum" is the euphamism en-vogue in the Church of England to describe us poooftahs. I will, in short, be definitely going to next month’s event. Some people even baked cakes!