I have a boyfriend. I’m not sure that will come as a total surprise to you gentle reader but I will admit I sometimes catch myself still being somewhat startled. Overjoyed, to be sure; but it still feels weird. All of a sudden life is like this not like that. And I’ll be honest, it feels pretty good.
If we compare this relationship to that I had with Darren and International it is manifestly superior, for a variety of reasons. Not entirely down to them; I only came out roughly when Darren dumped me so the opportunities to be a spoken-for gay guy about town weren’t there with him; and that’s not his fault. And International kept me at arms length because of all his other boyfriends!! Well, I kinda knew what I was getting…
Many of the blogs listed in the right hand column, below, here are of gay men in relationships and so I don’t really need to repeat their experience of the logistics of being in a relationship. Not living on London has caused me and Fella some minor inconvenience but him working here means we can usually overcome these things. Poor planning on my part has been a tad expensive – the amount of new clothes, deodorants, and breakfasts I’ve had to buy because I forgot to take one item or other with me… £££!
I’m only now getting used to arranging work around my relationship. I’m always insanely busy but I really have only just worked out if I put in a bit of extra time when I’m not seeing him then it works out better for us in the longer term. A small example of the new experiences I need to assimilate…
Alongside work there’s money. I always felt dating was more expensive than casual sex or relationships because of the subscriptions, dinners, drinks, clothes etc… but actually making a relationship work seems to need some level of resourcing beyond time and care! Not much; I don’t equate love with rich any more than I do with sex. But I never want to have to say “No; we can’t go there/do this…” because I’ve miscounted somehow. That’s especially acute because the ambitions of the Frumpella’s manifesto to become a Grown Up Fairy (and the savings and investments that involves) contradict my instincts toward generosity.
Finally - not because that’s all to discuss but because I do not wish to bore you! – the subtle shift of other priorities preys on my mind. Should I still go to China as planned for a few weeks later this year? Maybe I should spend the money on a car instead ;-) And I still need to clear a lot of *ahem* acquaintances from my instant messaging, mobile phone etc – Lord knows Fella has made it very clear that dog won’t hunt!! Well, that perhaps is a clearer choice.
So much to do, but then again perhaps exactly the right amount of time.