Names and Places

It’s another glorious weekend in Strumpetville; the sun is shining and all is well.

Fella and I met on Friday after work and headed back to my place for the usual snatched weekend together. He’s attending a colleague’s child’s naming ceremony today so this afternoon I have a little time to myself to post on this blog.

This morning I found Fella to be insanely beautiful. Watching him prepare for the ceremony I was enraptured. I found myself wondering why he’s with me. Not in a “I’m not good enough for him” sort of a way… far from it. He can be quite complimentary when he wants to be! And he’s really very giving. Apart from a recent hiccup I marvel about how close we are becoming.

In many ways the way our relationship has developed is much better than the expected love-at-first-sight perfection from the word ‘go’ that is too often expected in the dating game. I am satisfied in more ways than one; and in more ways than one we still have a lot of growing to do.

I find myself thinking about my role in this relationship. He’s the pretty one, the creative and outgoing one. He isn’t career focussed or competitive but he is talented and good. And he deserves so much. It’s funny, but I perceive a more traditional masculine/feminine relationship between me and him that, on first principles, I would argue is entirely unnecessary within gay couples – no need to stick to clichés etc. Yet for the two of us my part in the relationship seems to be the provider; the one to whom the physical labour falls – building things and fixing things and growing things. He’s te cook, the nurse, the communicator. Of course it only goes so far – we’re both men after all (and how – hubba hubba!).

Rather than making me uncomfortable I think it’s a source of inspiration. I always want to be better than what I am and for him – to keep him if you will – I need to be fitter, healthier and more productive. I have to work on my career much more, really going for the next rung on the ladder.

In any other guise it might be called building a life together and in many ways it’s so much more comforting than being TOLD sweet nothings… actions speak louder than words. Well, I’ve been hurt before by the difference between what’s been said and what’s been done; it’s all to the good.

Working for me and working for us isn’t two different things any more. That’s pretty good. It seems to fit… of course we have issues; and I mean we, not me… but it really is glorious sunshine gentle reader.