Saturday, 18 July 2009


Sometimes I really want to talk about my sex life with Fella in more detail because it’s great and it keeps getting better and in many ways – uniquely in my experience – our sexual intimacy imitates the intimacy we experience in other dimensions. But even now the full and frank admissions I was going to make, I’ve had second thoughts about… hell, I’ll answer honestly if anyone really wants to know!! Anyway, we’ve had a perfectly lovely weekend and now he’s gone home and in a few days I shall see him again and…

As our relationship grows and we get closer and closer sometimes we hit… limits. I think perhaps the test of any worthwhile relationship, however long it may last, is not time but whether those limits may be overcome. After all, we could last forever but never really get to know each other. Or we could burn out in a flash of passion a couple of weeks/months/years down the line but nevertheless look back on this time with fondness for decades to come.

On Friday we had a very drunken evening with his colleagues that was good fun. As the evening wore on a friend of Fella asked him the significance of the rings he wears on his right hand. He described them one by one, the last of which being his former engagement ring.

Now to his friends that was quite clearly his former engagement ring. To me it was, and is: his former engagement ring.

Breathe, Frumpella. Breathe; Trust; have more booze…

Truth be told I’ve put this new information away for the time being. Fella is reticent about his past relationships and I'd gathered already the last one was a big one. I’ve speculated about being rebound boy before, but I can’t imagine how my determination to make things work through sheer effort could be so adversely affected by this revelation. Baggage, I do believe, ain’t always a bad thing; half the reason I came out of the closet was to make room for some :-)

So I graciously allow him to keep his secrets. For now.

It just goes to show how much more there is to show and tell between Fella and I. For all the ease with which we had fallen into this relationship – a testament to his grownupheit, an area in which I trail somewhat – there are likely to speed bumps ahead. It’s amazing to me how central Trust has become, and how quickly. I think what I’m trying to get across is; I recognise some secrets are inevitable but I Trust that it’s OK. For two reasons. The first is Trust is part of my contribution. This blog, for example, is [currently] secret from Fella. This is my space. Yet it Does no Harm. If I'm careful; hence paragraph one. The second is, if that Trust is betrayed: I’ll burn his house down. Which is something I have told him!


Antony said...

"The second is, if that Trust is betrayed: I’ll burn his house down. Which is something I have told him!"

Ha ha very funny.

I think you are wonderful, I would have to ask him about his engagement ring lol I'd need to know all the details. Your approach much better!


A x

Mike said...

Yeah, Frumpella has a pyromaniac side!

I was tempted to ask, that's for sure, but I think it would have been fruitless and only led to a row. He'll tell me, or he won't. It hardly matters to our relationship that he's been in love (I assume) with other guys. And if this turnsd out to be a problem, well I need to be sure it's not my problem!!

Anonymous said...

I'd ask him. Do you know for certain that it was with another guy? It could have been. A. Girl.

Oh dear, this isn't turning out the way I planned!

A few years back I attended a course on assertiveness. I think what they'd have said was that if it's something that's going to bother you on a constant, ongoing basis then you have every right to ask the question. Have a gracefull 'bottom line' position in mind, though.

For example, your bottom line could be that you don't need to know right now, but you need to put it out there that it's an imminent discuussion point.

Another bottom line would be that if he doesn't tell you then you'll take a break.

Or anything inbetween.

As humans, we often fixate on small things, blowing them out of all proportion when really they're no big deal. If you at least get the conversation started then you're moving forwards.

Just my opinion based on very few facts!

Antony said...

Yeah I suppose your right. However you definitately have more self control than me, I'm impressed.


A x

Mike said...

Funny for someone so angst ridden usually, but I genuinely had forgotton till looking at the comments here tonight. I'm totally fine with it - for now - and it seems not to matter at all. Reward Please!!