Sunday, 12 July 2009

Not quite perfect

Tuesday marks two months since Fella and I started going out. Who’d have thought it? It seems a lot longer, somehow.

Things are great, of course, and I’m very lucky. I can’t believe I’m meeting his parents tomorrow evening. And his brother too. Eeek. Father has an MBE; brother earns six-figures in the city; mother invented knitting. What will they think of Frumpella, gentle reader?

One of the nice things about this relationship, for me at least, is that it isn’t perfect. Not by a long way. A common lament among many of my friends - both gay and straight - is that dating raises expectations too high. And from personal experience I know that’s true. After all, dating is one of the most unnatural circumstances for meeting someone and online dating especially so. People are browsing products, not people; and often people seem to get rejected on a grass-is-greener basis rather than any flaw with them. per se

In other words we seem to expect from dating to go into some great love at first sight relationship… and we reject, unfairly, those who do not seem to offer that.

So here I am: I took a chance, and so did he, and after what I think is fair to describe as some initial hiccups we seem to be thriving. I don’t want to jinx anything, but we seem to be getting closer and more intimate all the time.

So where are we? He’s met my friends; I’ve met his. The family thing is imminent – at least with his. Mine may take longer for various reasons. The sex goes from strength to strength and when issues crop up we trust each other enough to work through them and not pre-judge each other’s motives...

I look forward to things not being perfect in the future. There are definite biggies: Fella really wants kids and I really don’t. I’d love to live and work abroad one day... Lots of Big Things to Work Out. But in the meantime I’m really enjoying the small things; making mutual friends; buying DVDs together; planning together an evening out. Awwwww/Bleurgh!

The one thing that has occurred to me is that by avoiding infatuation and treading very carefully I haven’t fallen in love with Fella. Yet. It seems strange; I do care from him very deeply and think of him constantly. And as he becomes increasingly affectionate and open I know he feels for me too. I suspect I’m not ready to let myself fall for him until I’m sure it won’t make things difficult in the short term; I’m too conscious of his wish to take things slow. Or at a measured pace, given how far we’ve come.

So I suppose what I’m trying to blog is that perfect suits me just fine right now. In fact I think it’s great :-)


Antony said...

I am so pleased for you.

Wow sounds like a family of achievers - but don't let that put you off! You have achieved many, many things of that I am sure.

Your right about dating, people are not seen as people, especially online.

Perhaps I need to have a re-think about how I'm meeting guys and dating as a whole.


A x

Monty said...

Congratulations on TWO MONTHS!!! Here's to many many many more months (and dare I say it, years) together!!! Big hug!

Mike said...

Eeek! Thanks. It feels significant, much more than a mark on a calendar!

dating does work it just takes time and I suppose you need t omeet the right guy! I think I would recommend social events and gatherings over random dating but to be fair I've had my fair share...