Thursday, 16 July 2009

Home Alone

Fella makes me very happy, but these are early days still (two months) and so we’re growing into the relationship and trying it on for size. One indication of that is that tonight is the first night really since we started seeing each other that I am spending home alone; not together, no emails, no text messages… naught.

It’s a family do for him you see – mother retiring – so he’s off enjoying himself, and I’m here at home while a thunderstorm rages outside typing this blog for you, gentle reader.

We’re due to go out for dinner tomorrow, as it is a colleague’s/friend of his’s birthday. That means he’ll probably stay the night [:-)] and that we get to spend Saturday together. I’m spending a lot of time thinking about how I can make it special for him; I do think of him almost all the time and really want to put in the effort to make this relationship work.

I suppose my job then is to keep on making things special. Never really had that feeling about a previous relationship; I’ll admit International and I made a stab at it. And with Darren I was just naïve. But this time, it’s brains-a-racking for happy fun times in Strumpetville for the Cheerful Fairy and his beau.

Fella is a classical musician and supports himself with various short term public sector admin work so I have to be creative on the budget front – not that I’m rolling in it, and I need also to save for grown up stuff like my own house and similar. Another factor is that alongside his two jobs Fella is a carer for his mum so his options for going out, and particularly staying out, are limited. He has a reputation as a bit of a party animal, but I know this infamy does annoy him and I particularly know what a sensitive and thoughtful man he is.

So the search for nice-things-to-do continues.

But anyway, for today the lesson is: we should not live in each other’s pockets and it might help more than hinder to let him be tonight and accept from time to time we may spend time apart, and not have to do everything together. In the short terms it is something to get used to, partly because I work long hours too so friends, work, quiet time, time with Fella AND time apart is a bit much. In the medium term it’s probably good to share each other’s lives, just not be them. And in the long term…

What do you think?


Monty said...

Sounds good! McBrad and I have the occasional night off from each other - do our own thing etc - I miss him but it's good, because it reminds me of how lucky I am to have him! :-)

Anonymous said...

God, it was a great storm last night, wasn't it? Lots of FLASH [one] BANG moments. And that rain.

Levels of intimacy and dependence vary from couple to couple. My relationship with Hubby has been extremely co-dependent from the start due to our circumstance. Due to visa issues we were forced to move in together unnaturally early which put us in a pressurised situation from the start.

The flip side is that I have a couple of friends who have been together for years and years. They've only just got married/moved in together (again, due to circumstance, moving to the USA and one needing a Green Card). They basically lived seperate lives except for a couple of evenings a week and the weekend. Dating ad infinitum.

Whatever works for you.

P.Brownsey said...

"*My* own house" - not "our"?

Paul Brownsey

Anonymous said...


You seem be handling this like a seasoned pro. Life can be so much fun when two men just enjoy each other.

You're right about some space being healthy - and that is not just true now that it is early days for the both of you. If anything, it will be more important as you get closer and you lives become more intertwined.
It is important to respect each man's needs and activities enough to afford him the time to pursue those and plan yourtime together around that.

Glad you and fella are having so much fun. Enjoy leafy Buckinghamshire cheerful fairy :P

Antony said...

"But anyway, for today the lesson is: we should not live in each other’s pockets and it might help more than hinder to let him be tonight and accept from time to time we may spend time apart,"

I couldn't have said it better myself.


A x

Mike said...

Gosh thanks all for your lovely comments. It's good to know I'm on the right path! But for the moment it's "my" house not "our" house I'm saving for. There's lots to do and lots to learn and the next post will explain a bit more a bout why it's still important to hang back a tad... X

Anonymous said...

Hey honey. Two things spring to mind from the Cynical Fairy. 1) As I always said to my feckless-waste-of-space ex, 'how can I miss you if you never go away?' and 2) having undergone a painful extraction process from the aforementioned Feckless, I shall from this day on be happy to permit a significant other to be IN my life, but never to BE my life. Constant companionship is for conjoined twins only, and what sort of quality of life do you think they have? On a more positive note, though, I'm so pleased things are going well with you and Fella. Well done you.

Mike said...

Do I recognise those dulcet tones... ? :-)

Yes I think it is time to remember it's EARLY days - still just over two months. Things must have space to grow. I'm glad I haven't got infatuated with him, but have ensured my feelings grow in tendem with my relationship instead of overshadowing it!