Saturday, 17 January 2009


Rule 12 describes a formula, imparted to me on OUT, indicating the age range of potential partners. Based on one’s own age it gets wider as one gets… older. So, for a 31 year old like Frumpella we get a cheerful range of 23 to 46. My experience over the since that I have blogged here has gone from ages 20 to 54, with nothing regrettable or terrible to report – quite the reverse, I’m pleased to have done it (and how!). Nevertheless, I’ve always had a preference for guys who are older that me.

I think the reasons for that are many. I don’t, for example, think of myself as very sexually experienced – no, don’t laugh gentle reader; I’m serious – in a not-vanilla sense. So I still rely on a guy to know what he likes and then I can experiment with and learn from that. Don’t get me wrong, I am very clear about what I like, but there are many different ways of doing things and I need to be more self assured about trying/suggesting things.

A perfect example is the fella (mid-40s) I met today on gaydar and who, after we’d arranged our assignation, called me – on the actual telephone no less - to talk about what I’d like to ‘do’ and my response was something along the lines of “oh. Er… Um. I thought we discussed this online [laughs]! Well, erm…. How about [naughty fun]?” – just more awkward and less fluid. And he came round later and lo! There was much naughty fun. Nevertheless, I wish I’d been a bit more confident and had a repertoire of suggestions at the tip, as it were, of my tongue. Well, practice makes perfect I suppose.

I will also admit that another reason is my mild jealousy of ‘young’ people. I mean I should have come out a lot earlier and sometimes I feel I missed out on, well, quite a bit. So younger guys can remind me of that.

As time goes on, and I feel happier and more secure in myself, I find myself less and less avoidant. Indeed, I’m much more convinced of the need to get over it and just enjoy while it is there to be enjoyed. Yet there are things – and this links to the third reason – that I won’t do with someone a lot younger than me.

I’ve mentioned before I tend toward the passive role sexually (although it feels strange writing it explicitly), and I feel that someone at or around or over my age is the best way, for me, to be that way. I suppose I’m versatile but I really tend to take one role or the other, and with Nick and Gareth I was mostly the other way. With someone a lot younger than me I very much prefer to take an active/versatile role because the other with a guy who won’t hit 30 till 2019 is…. not something that sits comfortably.

Perhaps I need to open my mind; but I do feel Mr Right, whoever he may be, will be a child of the 70s – however much fun I have in the time between now and him. And the fact I have a 21 year old guy coming over later to round off the evening is neither here nor there.


Antony said...

Finally found out how to leave a comment!

I think the thing around online & text conversations around what you like (and dislike) to do sexually is a lot easier on the embrassment stakes. I think we are brought up not to openly discuss sex - like it's naughty or wrong.

I tend to go for older men too, tend to be more secure and sorted.



Mike said...

Thanks Anthony! It is so much easier to discuss sex anonymously over the internet than explicitly over the phone with a virtual stranger!!