Friday, 14 November 2008

Silence

On Thursday I met International again – at the Retro Bar. There I told him about the ‘intervention’ of my friends the previous Tuesday. They had encouraged me to cast my net somewhat wider as International has Ouch and… as such I may not have International. And you will recall, gentle reader, T recently got in touch again. So it was time to Talk.

Well, this provided an excellent route into discussing Us and where we are and the whole Me, Him, Ouch situation. International said that, no, he could not stop me having fun with other men but to do so would hurt him. Yes, I am (my friends are) right that he is having his cake and eating it but he assured me again that he and Ouch are no longer intimate. In fact, he revealed, he was refusing Ouch’s attempts to initiate sex; one of the reasons their relationship is ending is that he no longer ‘fancies’ him.

Yes, he said, he was saying all the things some two-timing bastard might say; he couldn’t help that because he’s madly in love with me and means everything he says. International said he and Ouch had been on rocky ground for some time and he had been thinking of leaving him for a while. In fact he claims he almost ended it on Saturday (though I immediately thought ‘almost’ isn’t quite the same methinks). But he wanted to leave him for the “right reasons”

I did directly challenge precisely how open this open relationship is; and International confessed it was open largely in potentia – though of course for the two of us it has gone rather further than any reasonable definition of open might anyway encompass.

Wider reasons International hesitates to end his relationship with Ouch are what he termed lifestyle. They have a nice house (a not nice mortgage with it)… joint friends… a lot of ties that bind and to cut them is complex and difficult. In fact International suggested that should he and Ouch end they may still live together, which frankly dismayed me.

My friends cautioned me that International was living well with a rich older man, but enjoying the physical side with a ‘fit’ [cheers babe] younger man. After Thursday this resonates with me somewhat.

I am uncertain now. My feelings are unchanged; but I am much clearer that Ouch might feel more for International than he returns and that makes things all the more difficult for me. I really am the other woman… Mr T pities the fool. But - to my credit I feel - I did, quite sincerely inform International that if he is messing me around I will burn his house down.

In other news: my boiler should be up and running again on Monday and on the work front my portfolio continues to grow. I’m being asked to take on yet more work – my manager is leaving and on top of everything else her work needs cover too! And on the business front I’m starting a whole new online advertising campaign that will hopefully generate some new interest. Clients have been somewhat thin on the ground of late and I’ve been too… busy… to pursue new business. But it’s not just all about International you know.

1 comment:

czechOUT said...

I was exactly a month without a boiler, by the time the various parts came and the perceived problem was discovered not to be, and the cycle started again. At least it was warmer then, though no hot water!

As to International, only you can gauge what is going on and how it needs to be addressed. Do your pals really give you a perspective that you didn't have? Sounds that you were rather self aware in any event.

Take note of what they say by all means, but they are not in your position. Only you are, and therefore only you can judge.

Life is complicated. Even when it is not it's just waiting to be. There is always a challenge.

ahoj