Wednesday, 5 November 2008


It was at 9:10 this very morning that I decided not to worry about it any more and, just as my train was pulling into London Bridge, accept the fact that I love him back.

For the moment he and I will be only able to love each other on 11, 17, 19, 20, 21, and 26 November. Which is lots of times if you consider he lives with his, well... his main boyfriend. I think that is the advantage of living very near to an international airport when having an International man of mystery as my boyfriend. 17 November is his birthday - I’m pleased that he’s spending it with me; and 19/20/21 will be at his place for a change as Ouch is away.

Yes, I’ve given into the exciting new phase of a proper relationship. I haven’t forgotten the circumstances; I just want to enjoy it. I want, just for a little while, to enjoy the feeling that somebody loves me without putting terms and conditions on it. Like not being able to say who I'm in a relationship with on Facebook. Or Ouch (I should come up with a better name for him now).

My work has taken an interesting new direction; from the end of the calendar year my project outputs so far are being mainstreamed into London wide NHS work. So, instead my team is being expanded slightly and we’re splitting the city into three sectors and I’m getting deputy operational management of one of them. A new challenge; and in fact one I’m looking forward to. Sadly it appears the WHO job has been withdrawn. Well, opportunity is where you find it! I’d like to work abroad though; sometimes I feel like buying a one way ticket to anywhere… perhaps if things don’t work out with International it will provide the impetus I need.

As for my relationship with him – my new boyfriend tee hee – some friends have organised an intervention. They’re going to interfere with me at Das Boot on Tuesday; I’m not sure whether this means they approve (but are concerned) or disapprove (and want to stop me). Whether or not they read this blog [they do] they know I’m sometimes overcome with insecurities. I don’t want to repeat history; I’m afraid of the unknown. I look good* and have a great job, great friends, etc; but I must do better!

Well that’s probably a long enough stream of confidence for today, gentle reader. But on a final note I really do still feel that it’s the right time to be with someone; and hearing I love you and being able to say I love you… well, that’s made me feel happy.

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