Thursday, 8 October 2009

Monogamy

Fella and I are monogamous. It seems odd posting what must have appeared to be a given, but nevertheless; it is so.

The real reason is that he insisted on it from the outset. His Rule. And very sensible he was too. However, I’ve always said I don’t mind open or monogamous – I don’t equate sex with love. I need honesty.

This is the only monogamous relationship I’ve been in. OK; I’ve only had three ‘proper’ boyfriends amongst a series of boyfriendettes, regular gentlemen callers and the casual assignation. I never slept with anyone else for the sixth months I was with Darren before being so spectacularly binned but, as with so much in that relationship, I put that down to my own naïveté. As International has other boyfriends I carried on sleeping around with abandon – not reckless, but still…

And then, somewhat unexpectedly and rather unintentionally I stumbled across Fella. What marvellous luck; I rarely do so well in matters of chance!

Apart from a bit of bank holiday fun – which Fella knows about and is fine with because it was between our first and second dates, before we started our relationship proper – I haven’t slept with anyone since I met him. Nevertheless, because Fella has tended to go for relationships while I have tried, but failed to do the same… I’ve slept with many, many times as many partners as he. Fella’s fine with it. International, if memory serves, was always insanely jealous of my past.

Fortunately, whether it makes me seem base or no, our sex life is great. As with so much in our relationship it took work. Ironically I never felt a one night stand (or equivalent) leads to the best in sex. Still pretty good; but relationships are better. You will recall, gentle reader, that Fella and I recent went through a crisis. How better to make up than assign an… activity to each card in a deck (each house representing a certain type of activity) and inviting him, at various points over the weekend, to pick three cards at random?

Fella is probably the best fantasy I’ve ever had. And that’s a new thing for me; to put my current partner as the locus of desire (or lust or whatever you want to call it).

Monogamy isn’t therefore a challenge for me. I’m glad of that. After this most recent challenge to our relationship I am at least certain he’s the one I want; and I’m confident my trust in him is not misplaced. This kind of relationship is exactly is exactly what I want. Most of this post describes the bonus material on this DVD of love [bleurgh]. But I really wouldn’t have it any other way.



8 comments:

Miguel said...

Good attitude. I think more like you, Mike. It has been my experience that my ex partners who wanted manogamy, wanted to keep me for themselves whilst they played around. I find the issue very "political" within a relationship environment. The underlying issue may start to be bourne out of an intense love and then slowly becomes an issue of control. It's a minefield, but you have the right attitude, and I,.... just have had bad experiences probably.

etre-moral-etre-sincere said...

Great post Mike. As usual, I can recognise myself in many things you write about. You two make a great couple, and I wish you a lifelong period of happiness (which you sure will have even without my wishes).

GaySocrates said...

Fab Vid!
:-)
GS
x

Monty said...

I LOVE your attitude Mike! There are some bloggers who appear to radiate an almost pathalogical distaste for monogamy and seem to look down on anyone who is happy being in a monogamous relationship, so good on you! I love my monogamous relationship with McBrad but I also respect that it's a decision purely between him and I. I don't judge other people if they don't feel they can be monogamous...each to his own! As long as there is honesty, that's all that matters. So this was a lovely post of yours! Enjoy all 52 cards of the pack! ;-)

Antony said...

Wow, the whole cards thing sounds like fun.

Hugs,

A x x x

Mike said...

Hey Miguel... I hope your experiences have been good ass well as bad. I'm glad to have had the experiences I've had; I'm surer you're the same.

The cards thing is certainly one highly enjoyable way of exploring monogamy...

Miguel said...

My experiences have made me into the (cynical) man I am today. I am glad for them because as a result my attitude is to strive to be the best person I can, everyday. But unfortunately, the unwritten rule of the universe, nice guys finish last, has to enforce its law on me every now and then. And you can't fight the universe!

Mike said...

Well, I agree about valuing your experience. I hope you aren't too cynical; I've tried to show that nice guys don't always finish last... :-)