Monday, 12 October 2009


I’ve been thinking for a short while about how to tell Fella about this blog. I love blogging – and I’m not going to stop – but I don’t really think I can justify him not knowing about me thinking out loud to the Universe at large about us and me and him.

International knew about this blog, in a roundabout way. It was an open secret and he (lacking interest in most things about me) never really pursued the issue. But with Fella it’s different. He has become, naturally, very much part of my life and the more we share the more difficult it is to keep things from him; even innocent things like this blog.

Of course, fate steps in and this very Sunday, just as I was about to tell him, he notices an unpublished comment sitting in my inbox! “Oh. You have a blog!!” Well, that was that.

I explained to him all about it; but I asked him not to read it. I assured him he isn’t named; nothing detailed about him or his family is on here; and I don’t discuss our sex like. I started it as part of coming out and… he described it best: it became my hobby.

It’s a big ask, not to read it. I Trust him; so I’m not worried he’ll go behind my back. I was careful to explain if he ever did read it he would find it told entirely from my point of view… of course. I couched it in terms of a diary, but he was naturally dubious… diaries are private in the sense they aren’t on the internet. No, I mean I wonder if I ask too much of him not to be part of this… my hobby.

Compromising, I suggested this:

He could nominate the things I may not write about; and suggest things that I should write about. He could even take part in video posts with me (he said no to that).

Well, he was fine with it. He likes the Rules, anyway. I hope you don’t mind me outing you this way gentle reader, but it’s best he knows about us don’t you agree?

It does occur to me that the raison d’etre of this blog has changed yet again. First it was suggested by the first, ignored by the second, and now… accepted by the one??


etre-moral-etre-sincere said...

It might be a big challenge for him to deliberately stay away from this part of your life. Depends on a person though, but... well, call it a gut feeling. So be aware of it, and don't let it harm what you guys have. Best of luck with that (as usual)!

MadeInScotland said...

well, as I've mentioned before I think, he might loose interest. I almost blogged about Xfe's birthday surprises in advance because he doesn't trouble to read my blog. Not even to see what I'm up to in his absence....:(

I don't think he even dips in from time to time!


Mike said...

I do feel bad asking so much of him. I'm not sure if it's just a wish to avoid sharing a lot of embarassment... I didn't write stuff with him in mind! I HOPE he'll lose interest... or at least not be troo disappointed if he does stumble across my fevered writings.

etre-moral-etre-sincere said...

Yes, your blog actually IS very personal, and if he sees some of this posts (say, the ones following tense moments) it might be a bit harsh - you know, it feels different, to say something, to write something, and to write something and put where many people can see it! So it might be a delicate thing, really. Well, you know Fella, and we your readers only know him from your descriptions, so I am sure you yourself know better how to handle this situation..

Monty said...

McBrad was the same...he had a look when he first found out but hasn't since. He's even forgotten the address. He knows that it has been an important part of my coming out process and he knows that I respect his privacy and don't blog anything too personal that involves him. He does know I've posted pics of him, and he's personally approved the pics I post.

Antony said...

My ex partner used to know about my blog and indeed read it. Sometimes it helped out difficult communication and sometimes it didn't.

:D I think in time you'll be less concious and happy for him to know every aspect of you, perhaps even your blogging one?


A x

GaySocrates said...

Good Luck!
I hope it doesn't inhibit this wonderful creative outlet of yours!
Maybe Fella would be prepared to stay away from reading your blog if he knew that your knowing he may be reading it could stifle your style. If he knew your creative outlet was as vital to you as the oxygen you breath??
And I think a blog IS a bit like a diary provided it's anonymous and his friends and your friends don't read it. Sure it's published for all to see but provided the readers can't link it to a known person and are unable to recognize people who are written about it is pretty much private to you -it's just that you let a whole load of strangers look over your shoulder and you can hear their impartial disinterested observations.
Your writing is fererishly compelling.
May your hobby continue unabated for many years to come