Saturday, 6 June 2009


On Wednesday Fella and I had our third date. We saw Star Trek (which was OK) and went for a few drinks before heading back to my place. Arriving just after midnight there was some awkwardness when Fella and The Gardener met in the hallway but after some brief introductions Fella and I disappeared upstairs and by various manner of means ‘=’ made us very late for work the next day.

So all rather lovely and wonderful at the moment. Plain sailing on smooth seas. I find myself very comfortable with him; I’m not used to sleeping while holding someone’s hand… with him it doesn’t bother me. Ironically Fella is not my type in any real way: artistic; extroverted; younger; etc. But then what I like goes deeper. I admire his work ethic. I admire his emotional maturity; I think most people would guess I am the younger of us two! I am also quite taken with how his extroversion is a façade protecting a very shy and thoughtful man.

So here we are, and I’m in pretty much in the same place I was before; I don’t know if he ‘likes’ me - although evidence to date would suggest he does. Does he sees me as someone he could have a Relationship with? I’m itching to know!!

On Friday I came as close as I dare to actually asking by emailing him to say that though it has only been three dates I am glad to have met him and whilst I would not presume he would wish to stay over *ahem* I invited him for dinner in the coming week; which he accepted . Hurrah!

I don’t have the experience or emotional maturity to work him/this/it out, that’s the problem. He referred to me on Wednesday as ‘the other half’ which pleased me enormously; and he’s very loving and attentive when we are alone. But it remains the case that day-to-day his interest is inversely proportionate to mine. Ignoring him draws him out; pursuing him leads to dismissal.

That, however, I put down to nothing more sinister than a wish to take things slowly, and I remain determined to do the same; let things develop at their own pace. So I am working hard to ensure I don’t get infatuated or say/do something silly to ruin it all. It’s an intriguing dynamic and I’ve never been in a similar emotional, sexual or interpersonal paradigm before [Frumpella uses big words today]. Quite the tightrope to walk when one is a one-man-idiot. What I’m thinking of now is how to push things to the next level by doing romantic things to subtly drive matters in the direction I would prefer (and hopefully he too).

I have been asked out on dates by others and I probably will meet them; it’s been less than a month since Fella and I met, three dates and a bit of fun don’t exclusivity make. Yet. Nevertheless, I will admit I’ve gone off sex with random guys for the time being. It’s quite a different sea I’m adrift on this time, gentle reader. I just need to define a heading.


Gauss Jordan said...

Hey! Good luck on sorting out your quasi-relationship.

I'm actually voyaging out into uncharted waters next weekend, on my first real "date." The ones I've had previously have been with fellow homos that I've known for years, and I know are friends, not potential partners. This should be interesting...

On an unrelated note, your writing style is remarkably similar to the works of Mil Millington and his mailing list.

Check him out when you get a few moments.

MadeInScotland said...

sounds very nice! Enjoy and embrace.


Antony said...

It sounds to me that he likes you. But perhaps he is trying to balance spending time with you whilst retaining his independance. It is often the balance I struggle with:

relationship vs friends/family/etc/etc.

best thing you can do is communicate with him about it. See (ofcourse I am by no means an expert in relationships!).


Antony x