Monday, 1 December 2008


Busy busy, always busy! In many ways it’s really nice; it means International and I have settled into something of a routine without the shine wearing off yet. This is normally the stage when my clingy insecure nature makes me ruin everything. So I need to be careful...

Over the last week I bumped into my friend, neighbour and one time date L, not once but twice. Both of us have started relationships at about the same time so it was good to chat about that as we wandered home from, variously, the train station and the supermarket. L is fun, but tends to be annoyingly two steps ahead of me – I’ve ended up dating quite a few people he dated before me for example. So I pick up tips and watch for clues.

Another gay friend (I still classify my friends as either ‘gay’ or ‘your round’) recently got a good job with a vanishingly small bit of help from me which is great news. And yet another – a fellow blogger this time – met someone via gaydar and seems to have fallen head over heels in love at first sight. Ish. So I'm a little jealous.

Is this winter the time for change? I’m not in a position to canvas the gayers generally. Being the little-gay-engine-that-could I cannot speak for my breeder brethren. But for me all is in flux; job, home-life, love-life.

Sex life too. International and I have drifted from passive/active to versatile/versatile which is...intriguing... and keeps things pretty fresh. International isn’t very adventurous, and stands on principle in odd ways – refusing the let me do things he would very much like as he would not reciprocate - even though I wouldn’t like those particular things anyway (not my cup of tea, but I’m nice like that!). Sorry gentle reader; too much detail? So be it.

Being a serial monogamist (well, you know what I mean) he’s had relatively few sexual partners and while I refuse to feel bad about my experimentation I find his depth of experience, as opposed to my breadth [hark at him] induces some anxiety. Whatever I’ve done he’s done more in the relationship, love, being with someone sense.

International is out tonight with his friends including the last person he had an affair with – and I’m the topic se soir. I’m eager to hear what insights will be derived from this winter’s night. And particularly on tenterhooks to find out what discussions were had between International and Ouch at the weekend - if any. Yes, in many ways we are on the cusp. A new moon, new year, new life… Soldiering on.

I was struck today by the coverage of World Aids Day, and how many people were out campaigning and fund-raising. In my 13 years in London I don’t recall as much passion before; it’s a great sign of hope and reminded me I’m lucky to have a future, whatever happens. Well, here’s to the move from hoping to planning, dreaming to building. So cross fingers.

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