Monday, 22 February 2010

Maturity

Treat this post, if you will gentle reader, as part two. I will confess, due in no small part to your kind words, that I did not act on my earlier impulse of confronting Fella. No, instead I did a little growing up.

Growing up is something a Cheerful Fairy does tend to avoid. I can’t afford the wrinkles, at the very least. Immaturity has an allure I am loath to let go.

Yet here I am. An actual boyfriend to an actual boy.

POW. Cue epiphany!

Fella came home on Friday and he was dead tired. So much so I thought it was kinder simply not to mention it at all and to have a pleasant evening. And the evening became the whole weekend and it seems he was quite pleased to pay me as much attention as my little heart could desire. So as such the issue simply faded away. A lucky escape? Who knows.

Now, I know I came across as a bit needy and insecure when I posted my last post. That is probably due to being a bit needy and insecure. Well, at the moment I do feel a bit out of sorts. I’m still ill and there’s only so long I can be busy at work before I become a bit ‘tired and emotional’. The cure for that of course is to continue down the road I set for myself – study ,exercise, good lurvin *ahem*.

Also, there is only so long I can ignore the preponderance of good advice and observations I’ve received since starting this blog – the big, positive, unintended consequence of pouring out… well, whatever occupies my pretty little head at any point.

So, a bit of growing up. It’s part and parcel of a wider change. I’m tired of making plans but rarely realising them. I’m tired of trying to please everybody and ending up pleasing nobody – especially myself. There still needs to be a little further effort before I am all at peace with myself.

What has this to do with Fella and I? Well, we’re fine. I’m still not entirely happy at all about this step change in our communication 'regime'; but as a relationship develops this will occur and if he’s going to wind down our communication when we’re not physically together then so be it. This relationship will develop and elements of it will ebb and flow with their own strange tides; no Canute am I.

A friend pointed out to me today that I can MAKE the time to communicate with Fella because, in her view, I can become uniquely focussed when I want something. As compliments go, I rather like it. Now I just need to realise when I done got what I want; as, with Fella, I have.


4 comments:

Volodya/Vlad said...

I really like you way of thinking of stuff. Great post Mike.

Paul Brownsey said...

>Now, I know I came across as a >bit needy and insecure when I >posted my last post.

I know that most of the so-called relationship experts tell us we mustn't be or seem needy - but why not? It's a bit strange, this idea that we must all be atomic self-contained individuals for whom our connection with others is a sort of I-can-take-it-or-leave-it afterthought. Karl Marx would probably say this is an ideological reflection of the needs of capitalism. Maybe one day I'll start Neediness Lib.

Brett said...

ahhhh.....your Part I and Part II hit very close to home! I'm just in a new relationship of six months after having been with my previous partner for 16 years....and it's been tough to balance the needy/insecure person vs. the grown-up adult reality-based person. That being said, I have found that when I do act as the adult and not whine/cling/etc, the attention comes full force and un-asked for (although I do want it ALL the time, I understand it has to be given freely).

Doesn't it suck growing up?

Mike said...

Hey Brett; great to see you are in a new relationship. Growing up isn't much fun - but I'm so happy for you :-)