This weekend was very messy and I am once again ready to foreswear the grape and the grain. Bleurgh! Saturday out till 4am and Sunday until 2:00, it’s an early night on the Monday I’m drafting this. Bleurgh…
Two very interesting things happened this weekend. The second was Fella DEMANDING to be proposed to. Eek! I do hope he realises it won’t happen on Sunday.
The first is a bit more proper-grown-up (boo).
Before meeting Fella et al in town on Saturday night, quite out of the blue, Mark of invisible boyfriend fame got in touch.
Now I’ve never been one to keep in touch with people I’ve dated. I kind-of tried with International but it fizzled out; c’est la vie.
So on Saturday Mark got in touch – we always lived quite close so we’d seen each other around – and as he sounded quite miserable I thought I would give it a go. OK, so it was a bit mean of me, but if he’d been really cocky and expected me to drop everything and go round then it would have been different. Nevertheless, there is a bit of me that kinda kinda wanted to see if he was happy or unhappy without me…
Of course in reality it was nothing like that. We had a couple of glasses of wine and talked at some length. He did want… me to stay. Kept touching me in that flirty way (you know, that way). I did think he was rather nicer to me then, then when we had been seeing each other. Ha ha. *Ahem*.
But of course I did not do anything; didn’t want to. But I didn’t get what I really wanted – a vicarious thrill. An “Aha! You were wrong to treat me the way you did, and as ye sow so ye shall reap!!”.
No, as with all things in life it was rather more subtle than that. It was the guy who isn’t happy in his job, and who still hasn’t got round to painting his living room. Single; looks the same; talks the same… it was, in fact still him.
What’s the point of this post then, you might well ask gentle reader. Well, I can only conclude that I’m not the same me as I was. I suppose that’s a good thing, so in a sense the joke’s on me. If you’re going to hold a mirror up, make sure you know which way it’s facing.
It was nice though. I could be tiresome and call it closure. I think that gives the whole encounter too much credit. It is good to know that there’s a lot more still to exploring relationships and my sexuality and that I was never dumped because I’m a total freak. Hurrah!
7 comments:
That's good - it obviously means that fella is really happy :). By the sounds of it you both are, and I am very happy for you both.
I've always tried to keep in touch with my ex's but unfortunately the friendships (mostly) fizzle out as well. Part of moving on and life I guess.
I've had similar experiences like the whole "Mark" thing. Often, even when they know your with someone they still treat you as if your special (being overly flirty, etc.). Really they just want one thing, something they can't have. Every ex that has done that to me knowing I'm in a relationship has disappointed me.
Mike - you have not been - nor will you ever be a freak. And you should allow nobody to ever make you think otherwise.
I think your inspirational, interesting and have a wonderful outlook on life. If we lived closer, I'm sure we would be good friends.
My love,
A x
The second was Fella DEMANDING to be proposed to. Eek! I do hope he realises it won’t happen on Sunday.
Just out of curiosity, what are your thoughts on for how long to wait till propose? I mean, it's hard to say from a distance, but from how you describe it your relationship seems very steady..
Anthony: thank you for those kind words, especially helpful at the end of a trying day. I like to think of you as a friend; if we lived closer I suspect my admiration would be tinged with jealousy!
Vlad;
Thanks again. Yes, I think wer'e rock solid! But: I'm not going to proose until I can afford the bling rock Fella demands as part of the package :-)
I don't believe in waiting for game-playing's sense; or for appearances; or any other reason. But I don't want to rush indecently - I've done that before and I am REALLY sure about Fella so no rush at all. Allso, the proposal bit means so much to him. That means careful planning for me to make it perfect. And patience from him until it happens ;-)
Ah okay, I see. That totally makes sense. I guess we just view it differently (for me, it's mostly about admitting to ourselves that two people aim to spend the rest of their life together - and as you can see, this way it doesn't make sense to wait if both know that :-)
Ummm, why doesn't Fella propose to you instead? Why is he waiting for you to do the work??? And why isn't HE purchasing said bling??? :-)
Anyway, I'm glad things are ticking along nicely, and it's great to see how you managed the "Mark" situation. How grown up is Frumpella now!!! :-)
Ah, well Fella is a traditional girl and things have to be just so. Part of his charm I suppose!! And yes, Frumpella is becomming a proper grown up fairy gosh darn... still some way to go though *phew* ;-)
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