Saturday, 23 January 2010


Those who know me might on occasion detect a hint of cynicism in my expectations of whatever happens next.. I try – and succeed – to be positive and take things on the chin, ever keen to draw a line through life’s little upsets rather than under them.

So then, it is an indication of how things are/were going with fella when what happened last night appeared to come out of the blue.

I was insanely tired last night, because Thursday turned out to be a 15 hour day, due to a miscommunication between two senior managers at my workplace that led me to junk two working day’s work and having to start again. Well, I’m buggered if I’m staying late on Friday and having my man cool his heels. Left to his own devices he’ll only get a better offer, and then where am I?!

So then, we met at 5:00 – I gave him a tour of my office, because I’ve become quite a fixture at the Royal College – and then we head home. Dinner, tele, sleeps. Except Fella decides he wants to watch The Wedding Date (a film I consider – whether through displacement activity, sheer tired grumpiness or just ‘cos - total tosh). And being a bit tired and emotional both, and his case not a little drunk, he asks me (in keeping with a theme of the film) whether I would tell him if I slept with other people.

That’s a question I don’t know how to answer. And I’m not sure how best to describe to you, gentle reader, exactly why. So in the good ol’ thinking out loudness of my blog-spherity lets think it out loud:

1. I’ve slept with a lot of people. Well, a reasonable number, for a gayer, anyway
2. Monogamy or not is fine by me – it’s honesty that counts
3. But I actually like monogamy with this one. No excuses; I just do. OK?
4. But, but, I did sleep with a couple of people between the first and second date; when I was transmogrifying from Cheerful Fairy to Very Happy Boyfriend Fairy
5. I don’t think he’s slept with other people since we met, or since we started our relationship…

The reality of it is I cannot answer questions the premise of which I do not comprehend.

Well, I’m not going to answer it here. But I will finish this post assuring you that we – he and I – are pretty much rock solid. So much so it seems a shame to stray into the territory of Really Stupid Angst over our relationship; yet this territory is hardly untouched by human habitation, is it?

It’s just the kind of question that, although you are really tired, it can still stop you sleeping…


Nik_TheGreek said...

that's a tough one...
It's quite ironic as well that Fella asked you that question when least expected with you being very tired...

Good to hear everything went well and you're 'rock solid'

Antony said...

To me perhaps you are reading too much in to it? Over complicating it, as we can all do with occasional comments from loved ones.

They may have long forgot what they mentioned or said in passing, were as it is still very much present at the fore front of your mind. My advice would be: don't over think it.


A x

Nik_TheGreek said...

By the way, I've just nominated you for one of those blogging award meme things (see my blog).
As Dyl told me, don't feel obliged. x

Mike said...

The follow up is hedidn't really remember saying it... so best not to dwell on it. Had me on tentrehooks for a while there!