Wednesday, 23 June 2010


I am an introvert (INTJ is my Myers Briggs type), I always was. One of the main things I wondered about, coming out, is whether I would become more extroverted as a proper gay! Well, the answer to that is yes and no. Before and after personality tests show I am much less introverted than I was before – but not quite tipping the balance. And, as with so many things, rather than being a cure for all my ills, coming out exposed my... flaws... much more clearly.

My problems communicating etc I don't intend to revisit here; there's enough of that on this here blog. One thing I have noticed though is that at my most ill I did become very withdrawn and really just wanted to be on my own (well, that may not be too unusual)... I really retreat into my shell. Classic introversion – I need to be alone to recharge my batteries.

Looking forward, living with Fella would on the face of it not seem to be the best way of meeting that need for me time or me space. However, one of the biggest challenges in finding that time and space has been the need to accommodate Fella when he spends those three of four nights a week with me. Sharing a home will give us both a chance to do the things we need and want to do. I can, for example; stay late in the office; go to the gym; take some work home; go for a drink and still see Fella in the evening. Naturally I can't do that now.

Does that read selfish, gentle reader? I love my man, sure enough – but having to by Mr Happy Fun Cheerful Fairy at all times isn't very easy for me. Being able to go into another room lets us both get on with living.

Things are going absolutely fine at the moment for him and me, and moving in together – I am hopeful – will help. Ironically both Fella and I have been quite unwell over the last week; I get some antibiotics to help me shift my illness, and Fella comes down with food poisoning! On the plus side that means neither of us can drink. On the other hand it means we haven't had much fun together over the last week or so. Again, living together would make that a bit easier – helping us support each other whilst having the freedom to be apart if we need to.

We've begun looking for flats, but without much luck so far. Fortunately there is no rush for either of us to move as such so we can look for as good a place as we can manage. But we are hoping to move any time soon, and then the pressure will be eased; no longer will I have to compromised between the private me, the public me and the private/public us.


Gauss Jordan said...

You know, I've been an INTJ for forever, but recently re-took the test and scored as an ENTJ. According to the score, I'm 55 / 45 split between E & I.

For me, coming out has made me more extroverted. ;-)

MadeInScotland said...

well, glad to hear it's going in the right direction for you both.

if your own space is an issue though, beware of small flats...



MadeInScotland said...

rather tip the balance than the velvet!


Mike said...

Coming out made ME much more extrovert too! Just, I must have been, well - really introverted to begin with!

And it's a huge flat, thank goodness, so no need to worry there :-)

headbang8 said...

The modern world is just plain hostile to an introvert. Time to yourself, to pause for reflection, is viewed as wasted time. A productive person, they say, is on deck 24/7. Taking 24 hours to answer an email is considered an affront. Please, destroy all Blackberries!