Gay Marriage (my tuppence worth!)

It is 10 weeks today until our civil partnership, so we’re very much getting into the detail of planning. Quite a lot of things to do, of course, and plans to make. However, by and large the big details of the day are done.

The day itself is of course not our wedding day. Civil partnerships in the UK are specifically and legally separate but (almost, but not quite) equal.

However, there are plans afoot by the Government to bring in equal marriage – not gay marriage, which would be separate by fully equal – but instead extending existing marriage rights to gay couples.  A decision that Sir Humphrey Appleby might describe as ‘courageous’, nevertheless a few weeks ago the proposal passed the first stage of the legislative process in the House of Commons.

The legislation had a tough ride, and the debate was marred perhaps by some rather pompous and insensitive remarks. Among the usual  “what next? Siamese twins marrying narwhales?” brigade who are so far off the map (a) their minds cannot be changed and (b) they are Mostly Harmless in that most people recognise they are frankly barking, there were some rather more pernicious naysayers.

One argument ran that this change would force people like teachers to act against their conscience and compel them to treat gay relationships as equal when they don’t believe this is so.

Well, the previous Conservative government had no difficulty enacting charming legislation forbidding teachers discussing homosexuality in positive terms (section 28 which banned  the “teaching in any [state funded] school of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship”)

Another, frequently made, argument was that extending marriage to gay people devalues straight marriage and anyway we have civil partnerships and those are the same.

To me this is like saying Rosa Parks was wrong on 1 December 1955 to refuse to give up her bus seat to a white man, as she was required to by law. After all, she was still on the same bus and still heading the same place, at the same speed as white people and in almost, but not quite, the same comfort. Now, instead, all this civil-rights nonsense has devalued bus travel for white men!

It’s not a very good argument, and vanishingly few could rationally support it. But even if they did, the argument might be said to be missing the point.

And let us not forget that ‘gay marriage’ has been legalised in countries on every continent (if we include Nepal where the Supreme Court has ruled it must be enshrined in the new constitution). There does not appear to have been a collapse in morality and family life in any of those places. Nothing that has rocked them like the recent scandals to affect a certain Church currently searching for a new leader…

But I think it is the third, broad argument – one made of many strands - that demonstrates the blindness some people have when it comes to gay rights and tells us how LGBT people are still not quite seen as having the same validity as straight people. For all the arguments around religious freedom; the value of marriage; the future of children – how can anyone who values marriage as the bedrock of society or argues in favour of personal freedom be logically against everyone having the freedom to enjoy it?

The future of the legislation is uncertain but I think it is unlikely to be completely derailed. The politics around it will become increasingly toxic, I fear. The largest party split its vote 42% for and 46% against. If the Government’s own party can’t muster a majority either for or against its own policy… well, there may be trouble ahead.

But we shall persevere.

Dissertation

Well gentle reader, a promise is a promise – I said I’d share my dissertation and here it is:

https://dl.dropbox.com/u/51949972/4.%20Dissertation.pdf

Now, beware that this is a stripped down version of what I submitted for marking. My dissertation supervisor wanted me to reduce it to a summary of findings but I hope you can still follow it and it makes interesting reading.

I myself go through quite a roller-coaster ride of feelings toward my dissertation. I loved doing it; hated it as soon as I submitted it; loved it when I passed; and now doubt myself when it comes to sharing. So, please don’t judge me too harshly!

Oh, and I’ve done an introduction to the statistical techniques used here:

https://dl.dropbox.com/u/51949972/2.%20Introduction%20to%20the%20statistical%20techniques%20used.pdf

*blush*

PS please don't re-publish without getting in touch :-)

Mike's Alive?!

Hello Gentle Reader!

Yes, I’m back, from outer space. You just logged in to find me here with these sad typos in blogspace? Well, I’m sorry I’ve been away for so long but since ‘stepping out for a pack of smokes’ last summer I’ve been ever so busy, and the thing about life is it can sometimes get in the way of living.

A quick summary: I’m still cheerful, frumpy and a fairy. Fella and I are still very much together, and still on track for our civil partnership in May. Gypsy the goldfish and Morag the Volkswagen are still very much alive which tells us more about their resilience rather than my tender care.

My last post, oh so long ago, was me showing off a bit about my dissertation survey progress. Since then I’ve written it, submitted it and by some fucking miracle I passed it. I’ve edited it for public consumption and after just one more ikkle read-through am going to post a link it here soon on STRICT condition that, like all feedback, any comments are purely expressed in terms of adulation and hyperbole.

Now I’m not really one for blowing my own trumpet – I’d be on a rather different website – but I’m extraordinarily impressed with myself. After handing it in I went through ha phase of how it is the most awful dissertation in the history of everything ever, but now I’ve passed I realise it’s totes amaze balls.

… and let that be an end to going on about that ;-)

The big news is I’ve secured a new job. With seven weeks to go until my current employer is shut down and the new world takes over, I have handily been appointed to that self same new world. I’ll be part time until the swtich over in both worlds, but of course they expect full time work anyway each so it’s a lot of 12 hour days and seven day weeks. What the hell – it’s truly exciting to be at the beginning of an organisation that is genuinely starting from scratch and being able to influence that and all the learning that has to go with it. I’m sure I’ll be able to tell you more as time and posts allow.

 

Fella and I are still on course for the civil partnership. Three months to go and the wedding jitters are beginning to set in! Again, so much more to post on this. Suffice it to say, having studied physics for four years failed to teach me that the world turns or not based on decisions about chair-covers (bow down to the power of the Cheerful Fairy!) and that something as simple as giving a florist money and getting flowers in return is of course grossly jeune and naïve.

 
On a final and more serious note the time I’ve taken to compose this stream of consciousness it available to me because Fella is away visiting his family home for the first anniversary for his mother’s death. I’m not going because the few hours I could be there coincide with the catholic mass they’ll be attending and I don’t think it’s right for me to go to that. I don’t know the rites and I don’t enjoy religion so it would be disingenuous and distracting of me to go. This of course could just be an excuse for more to avoid an awkward situation and stick in Strumpetville like the cowardly custard that I am. Nevertheless I am of course thinking of him and them all.

Showoff

I’m quite pleased with myself, oh yes; or more accurately I am pleased with the progress of my dissertation survey. More than 250 respondents so far with nearly three months to go until I close it, which I think is pretty good.

Response rates are tapering off and I am considering strategies to increase them – not least taking advantage of London Pride in early July.  

I was worried that my responses would be limited in so many ways; demographically, geographically, etc – but it seems, in general, not to be the case.

With so many responses I have been able to dip in and perform some preliminary analyses, which are producing some interesting results. I won’t bore you, gentle reader, by going into detail – yet. However, a review of the geographical spread of my respondents suggests focussing on an online questionnaire was the right way of getting responses, although it also suggests going out and visiting various places also pays dividends.

As part of my analysis, and idly thinking about the structure and content of my dissertation, I produced the graphic below to illustrate the spread of responses.

The white areas indicate postal districts where no responses have been received. Rural Wales, Scotland and Wessex don't concern me too much - although I am surprised that areas near London like Watford and Dartford haven't had anyone take part.

It's interesting, and gratifying, to see how many responses I've got from areas like Manchester, Galsgow and Ediunburgh - where I haven't visited - and Cardiff and Brighton, where I have. I also have a lot of friends to thank for spreading the word!

I would really like to break 1000 responses, but if responses can be kept to their long term average then I should hit somewhere around the 750 mark. If I can get 500 I will be double-plus pleased. In the meantime gentle reader I think I done good – and thank you for your help with that :-)

Sunshine

I can't believe another month has flown by. Where does the time go, gentle reader? Well, I've certainly been busy. I had my first exam a couple of weeks ago. It didn't go as well as I had hoped by I'm harshly marking myself down do who knows? It just goes to show how much time I need to study! This is what has consumed most of my time, gentle reader, and made me a dull fairy indeed. I hope you can forgive em...

In celebration of fairyness Fella and I went to Brighton last weekend. The gayest town on Eurovision, the gayest holiday... Fella, who loathes Eurovision, was not amused! But we had a great time and somehow manged to get sunburn on the back of my left leg and nowhere else.

Unfortunately news on the job front has been less good. I know my organisation is shutting down but it seems they are in the process of merging some departments and my job is going to be cut early. As I'm out on secondment I'm not quite sure how it works. I am ready to move on to my next career move... but I was looking at next year, not this. My adopted team like me and want to keep me so are looking at how I can stay until March (if not longer) but it's a bit of a difficult situation.

The secondment itself is keeping me super busy - another reason why time to blog is in short supply. But I'm enjoying it, very much. I know I need to apply for something new soon, but it will have to wait until my exams are finished and that will be late June.

The really good news is that my dissertation survey is going double plus well. I got my 250th respondent today! I'm really keen to get as many as possible, natch, so after a positive experience leafleting in Brighton for a while I'm looking forward to doing the same at Pride in July. In my heart of heart I want 1000 responses but I think as it goes I'll get 500. However, that's still a huge response compared to some of the other surveys on which other research I've seen has been based.

So there we have it. Strumpetville is sunny and hot and life continues with its typical ups and downs. I hope your life is mostly up!

Booked it!

Well, gentle reader, we’ve done it: the venue is booked and we are well and truly in civil-partnership planning mode.

The 15 May marks our third anniversary and one year exactly until the ceremony itself. As I’m in the middle of exam preparation and dissertation research it has been difficult to find time to even post about it, let alone do anything but this is progress at last.

The next steps for us are to set up our marriage website (some friends of ours set one up and it really helps with RSVPs, telling people about the venue etc), and organise some save the date cards. And perhaps figure out where the mind-bubbling amount of money it’s going to cost us will come from. My initial estimate was less than half of what it will really cost and our reserve fund is looking stretched-thin.

Personally I have no real objection to just trotting down to the town hall, filling in the relevant paperwork, and taking all of our friends out for a massive party in town for about half the money but needs must when Fella is all romantically minded.

That of course makes him out to be Bridezilla which couldn’t be further from the truth; and I think we are very lucky to have a venue that is enthusiastic and helpful and will take on a fair bit of the organising (but, importantly, not decision making) itself.

We have a friend making the rings and another friend making the cake. Fella delegated these tasks without really discussing it with me, which is OK to a point, but fortunately I had a chat with the friend making the rings this weekend and she is very sound about making something appropriate and that we both like rather than going off in a creative frenzy. Cake lady is next!

The ceremony will be on a Wednesday so I am keen to get ‘save the date’ cards out to people sooner rather than later, particularly as his family will be travelling from Scotland and mine from Germany. There will be a fair bit of organising around accommodation and transport, which will be quite a large part of the budget – our plan is for any family staying over to be put up that night at our expense at a hotel close to the venue.

One other idea that occurred to me was also around the ‘theme’ of the wedding. One of the things important to me about it is that everyone has a good time and it is as relaxed as possible. This means, for example, that we won’t have ‘day’ and ‘evening’ invitations but people can come and go as they please (which also helps get around the work-day problem).

My idea is to theme it around all the fun times Fella and I have had with the invitees – photos and momentos of holidays, nights out, places we been and various adventures we’ve had together.  A good idea, don’t you think?

Controversy

Now gentle reader it is not often that the Cheerful Fairy wades into the murk of politics. Very much an armchair fairy about that sort of thing. Usually.

Over the last few months Stonewall has been running ads on the side of Strumpetville’s shiney red buses “some people are gay: get over it!”. A very simple and effective message, and part of a campaign that is complemented with posters and leaflets and T-shirts etc.

But that is of course never the end of it. A counter campaign has been formulated: “not gay, ex gay, post gay and proud. Get over it!”. These were also due to be plastered on our shiny buses, right up until yesterday the Mayor had the campaign stopped.

Ensue much hullabaloo and stroking of beards, oh yes indeed.

A group called the Core Issues Trust, supported by Anglican Mainstream, The largely unsought battle between religious faith and sexual orientation continues apace, it appears.

So what’s the issue? Well, the nominal reason is the suggestion the ad promotes gay cures. We know, I think, that such ‘cures’ are utter rubbish, and if anything actively cause a lot of harm.

Does the advertisement itself claim to offer, or support, “gay cures”? No, not really. But I think the man in the street would reasonably infer that such a thing were possible, or at least that sexual orientation is mutable. And we cannot ignore both Core Issues trust and Anglican Mainstream focus on offering gay cures. Certainly the advertisement goes further than arguing, as this article in the Daily Mail suggests, that homosexuality as an aberration and as such we gayers need to “get over” our 'agenda'.

The Advertising Standards Authority, the regulator of advertisements in the UK, has come in for much criticism for not banning the ads itself. But should it? I used to work for the ASA and grapple with issues such as these. It is implausible to ban advertisements because you disagree with their content or message in principle; but on the other hand you can be so offensive that in limited instances freedom of speech can, and should, be restricted.

The ASA cannot arbitrate on this before an advertisement is run. Such a thing is censorship. If after seeing an advertisement someone has grounds for complaint, that complaint should be fully considered and a decision made in favour of one party or  the other. That is what regulators do; they are in the business of disappointing people. Not protecting them, on the grounds of some moral code nobody agreed, from things they might not like.

The timing of the advertisement, and the decision to ban it, can also not be ignored. The Mayor is running for re-election on 3 May, and up to now the campaign has been a mud-slinging vileathon with no debate about real issues. Of the party (right of centre) that is the main partner in the unpopular national coalition government, and one that is consistently considered to be sleazy and nasty, and in an incredibly diverse and largely left leaning city… I strongly suspect he’ll have swung some of those swing votes. Being sued by people who are to me clearly a hate group (although I’m sure they sincerely don’t see themselves as such, take out the words gay or homosexual in what they write and replace them with black of Jewish and see how it reads then) won’t hurt either, methinks.

Cynical? Perhaps. But should then the advert be run? Well, freedom of speech is a right for those who understand, as all sane adult men and women do, their responsibilities. We must think before we speak, and sometimes consider whether we need to speak at all. So it can’t always be absolute.

If I were Mayor of Strumpetville – or better still, king and tyrant – then I would let the advert run, but publicly and loudly voice my disagreement with its message and my view of those behind it. I would use it as a reason to keep equality, rights (and obligations), tackling hatred, and proper education about sexual health sand orientation high on the list of social priorities

In the meantime we have to accept that there are those who disagree with, or simply hate, homosexuality, and this must be tackled through open and honest debate. It creates climate of fear that stops people freely living their lives. Those, like the Anglican Mainstream or the Daily Mail, who clearly have an agenda all their own that is closer to something far more right wing and pernicious than sleaziness or nastiness must not be driven underground or simply banned. They have to be shown to be wrong.