Wednesday, 9 February 2011


Our second Valentine is coming up – it’s amazing how time flies. Last year I was more with it and organised a dinner out for us in Soho... but this year a number of factors have kept me off my game, not least my own lack of time management! However, I have managed to pull off a minor coup in that Fella thinks I will be at college on Monday night, but in fact we have the night off (half term) so I can surprise him with...

Well, something! Not sure what yet, because the plan is for us to dine at home. Unfortunately my first project, worth 12.5% of my degree, is due that day so this weekend I’ll frantically be writing up a research proposal – to show I can, before the big dissertation next year.

Work is insanely busy at the moment and so difficult I feel that I’m experiencing a significant personality change, in the sense I have to be much more assertive of my prerogatives and perspectives; demanding of others; and firm when confronted with unreasonable behaviour. Normally, big gay introvert that I am (while sober) I self effacingly tolerate a fair bit, mainly because throwing my toys out of my pram doesn’t seem like a win. I am perhaps blessed in that I can see two, three steps ahead. My experience is many cannot.

Anyway, between the job that sees me take work home some evenings and weekends, my college life, my attempts to get fit (gym, swimming, running 8k twice a week) a social life and domestic drudgery (it can be a hard life in Strumpetville, gentle reader) spending quality time with my man is hard – we probably spend less time together than we did when he lived outside London!

I’m neglecting too much I think. Our relationship is solid, because Fella understands these two years will be tough and it’s not as if we aren’t planning for the longer term. I mean my friends, myself – healthy and hard working which I like, but no me time (important for an introvert), no lie-in at the weekend, no reading for reading’s sake... And of course when I’m tired I find it difficult to listen to Fella about his day and talk to him about the things he likes to talk about, which makes me feel a bit guilty. He tends to be the one who cooks dinner, deal with the groceries, be the drudge (!)

So, then I suppose I need to find something rather special for Valentine’s this year. Absent the restaurant context, the mind is focussed on what else there is – and with the opportunity to surprise...

Flowers... gifts... champagne. What will it be? Well, I must think! Perhaps inspiration will come in a dream. Or from somewhere! Any ideas?? Either way, I’ll let you know.


Paul Brownsey said...

How about getting someone in to cook? There are people who make a living by cooking you a dinner party in your own home.

I tried it one year when my partner had an injury that prevented our going out for a meal on his birthday. It was a nice experience.

There was a funny side to it. The person I hired was a girl who advertised in the university in which I worked. Her father worked in the university and was apprehensive when he heard that his daughter had been hired to cook a meal for two men - what else might be on the menu? He made enquiries among my colleagues as to whether it was safe for his daughter to come and cook for us; he was assured that there was no danger of Anything Like That.

MadeInScotland said...

For me, it doesn't need to be a grand gesture. Something small, personal, intimate means so much more. As to what it is, well, that comes down to your intimate knowledge of Fella.

enjoy ahoj

Antony said...

Hi Mike,

What did ya end up doing for Valentines?

A x

GaySocrates said...

Come on Mike-the suspense is killing ne

Mike said...

Thanks all for your suggestions and pointers. What we decided to do in the end was have a quiet, but special, night in. He cooked a lovely meal, and I bought him a pair of rather fancy champagne flutes and a fabric bound hard-back copy of Emma by Jane Austen. He bought me an own-handling experience day, which out to be blog-worthy at least! Anyway, post meal and champagne we had an early night and all in all it was very special :-)